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Thursday Sep 25, 2014

I’ve been in Melbourne for work the past week, we were relocating one of our bigger offices down there and I’m involved from the IT side.

I’ve always described myself as a lazy workaholic and this trip was no exception; 7 full days down there, minimum 12 hour days, no days off and now all I want to do is sleep and not work. I’m taking a day off soon as time in lieu (no overtime, boo) and just have to get through this week.

I did get a few hours off on Sunday where I got to catch up with one of my favourite people (Daniel) for breakfast but missed out on catching up with a whole bunch of other people I would’ve loved to have seen – Joy, Jen, John. J’s represent!

There apparently was a bit of fall out after my last blog post, I should know better than to write about people who may read here. After all I’ve been writing my silly posts here for nearly 10 years now, you think I would’ve learned by now.

I flew home yesterday and got to hang with Poppy and an off sick Sabine. Apparently Poppy missed me as I got a text from Sabine while I was away with an “FYI, your cat is an arsehole.” Poppy normally sleeps on my bed and Sabine wasn’t down for that so Poppy scratched at her door through the night meowing.

That’s my girl!

Throw rocks at them

Monday Sep 15, 2014

What a beautiful day yesterday was in Sydney. I slept in, pottered around and then there was a street festival for the suburb I live in so Sabine and I wandered up to take a look.

I got an adorable new necklace, got a pot of soil with carrot seeds in it (look how happy I am!) and then got a pulled pork and coleslaw roll.6tag-2490348-809021996678870963_2490348

Approx. 5 minutes after this photo I bumped into my ex-boyfriend. Sabine, who is not great under pressure sometimes, threw a garbled warning out which only confused me.

This kid, who I adored and had an amicable break up with, then blocked me on Facebook and started seeing the sister of a friend of mine. I found out when a mutual friend of ours saw a photo posted of him and the sister on Facebook. I don’t think he realises that I know this. But I do. And now there is anger. Because he was one of the good guys. And now he’s not.



You’re the one for me, fatty

Friday Sep 12, 2014

I’ve been on a healthy eating thing for the past few months now. It’s working which is great, but I am fucking miserable.

I am continuing this diet because:

I am fat.

Sheer stubbornness.

I am enjoying watching the kilo’s come off (12 kg’s so far) but that is literally all I am enjoying. A couple of people have asked me how it’s all going and if I feel better and my immediate answer is always, no, it sucks balls. I am miserable, I am hungry and I do not get to enjoy ANY OF THE FOOD I LIKE!

I miss out on birthday cakes at work. I miss out on work yum cha lunchs and ribs. I am taking skim milk in my coffee and it’s balls. It has been weeks since I had cheese or cream and fried stuff I can only look back on fondly.

Anyway. I am eating well and it is lame.

I also moved house a month or so ago. I’m sharing a place with my sister. I have a backyard:


Poppy and I are both massive fans. I bought a hand push lawn mower thing and it pleases me immensely to cut the grass. I have banned Sabine from touching, looking at, breathing heavily near the lawn. Tomorrow I go to Bunnings to buy an edger and lawn feed. Yeah. Shit just got real.

There’s even rainbows and shit from the backyard.

WP_20140821_17_04_14_Pro I have to be honest and say I’m not coping well not living on my own yet. I knew it would take a while and Sabine and I are getting along well, I just miss my own space. And weeing with the door open.

Work is busy as usual. I have an eye twitch at the moment, it migrated from my right eye to my left eye though. I travel interstate next week for work to set up a new office, that’ll be pretty cool. I love a freshly patched comms rack. And hotel living. And expensing everything. I do not enjoy working weekends but I’m lazy so that’s a given.

It’s been a strange couple of months, lots of change which I hate but I imagine is character building. I’m doing good though, good things are happening and stuff. Hope you’re all well x


Wednesday Apr 2, 2014

I’m afraid I appear to have turned into my father.

I just had a shower and while serenading Poppy as she sits on the bath mat creepily staring at me I broke into a whistle solo. The song I was singing did not have whistling in it, there certainly wasn’t a whistle solo for christ’s sake.

But whistle along I did, just like my Dad.

I also spent a full day on the weekend reading a book, I pronounced it a productive day too. Many a weekend passed living with Dad where we’d barely speak, just reading.

The final nail in the coffin was a call I received last night at 8:30 p.m. I looked at my mobile and thought who the hell is calling this time of night. Total Dad move,

I am a 60 year old man.


Tuesday Feb 18, 2014

I’ve been a bit down lately, although it seems like it’s normal down rather than stupid brain chemistry down.

After coming back from holidays, both the overseas trip and the usual office Christmas closure, I realised I was in minus annual leave to the amount of 3.5 weeks. Which means I don’t get another break until 2015.

Work is stressful at the moment. I have all of this responsibility and I hate it, it makes me nauseous. I’ve been with my current company for over 5 years now and I’m not sure if I want to continue in the industry I’m in. But I don’t know what else to do.

Beth is pregnant, finally hugely pregnant after trying for 2 years. I can’t describe how much of a wonderful mother she will be and I can’t wait to meet the little puddin’. I’m also aware that things will change a lot and I’m sad about that.

I’m very aware that now all of my best friends have families and children. I’ve never felt left behind before, Meg and B. have husbands and kids between them but Beth feels different.

I’m feeling my single-less for the first time and that’s making me uncomfortable.

I’m just a bit overwhelmed at the moment and I know it’s normal and understandable blah blah blah.

Anyway. This is what’s happening. I hope you’re well.


Wednesday Jan 1, 2014

I don’t do resolutions normally because commitment makes me feel a little nauseous. But I’m going to do realistic resolutions this year, including:

1. Read one book at least per month. I can do this easily.
2. Drink more hard liquor! I mean I’m thirty fucking two and all I drink is beer and cider, so this year I’m going to find an adult drink. I’m thinking gin or scotch.
3. I’ll go overseas this year. It’ll probably be close to home after the big trip this year like Fiji or New Zealand but I think doing a trip each year is a good thing.

That’s it. I was going to do uber realistic resolutions like wear pants less but after getting caught by my real estate agent in a forgotten inspection the other day (no pants, no bra, t-Rex t-shirt) I’m not sure that’s wise.

I hope you all had a wonderful New Years x

2013 in review

Monday Dec 30, 2013

It has been a stupidly long time since I updated. But Alec Guinness, my eternal blog friend, and I made a pact that we would start again. So hello, I missed you.

I stole this from Doom & Gloom.



1.What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?

Travelled with family. Went to Ireland, Wales, Scotland. Got my full driving licence! Had 5 weeks off work.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

It was less a resolution but more of a resolution to say yes more. I think I did okay; I could always say yes more but I think saying no is part of my curmudgeon charm.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes, my oldest friend Bec did to a ridiculously handsome son. Beth is only a month or two away from popping her bebe out but that’ll be on next years list.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Not close to me, no. Thank goodness. I’m still recovering from 2012 in this respect.

5. What countries did you visit?

Ooh ooh, I can answer affirmative to this one! I did England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales (inside, outside, inside, on!) I also did France which was my favourite.

6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?

Honestly? Companionship. Love. Sex. In no particular order.

7. What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Not many (read: I have a terrible memory.) Flying out to the UK (October the 12th) is about the only one that sticks out. Oh wait, You Am I gig at the Enmore on the 1st of August and Suede in Dublin on the 28th of October (Sabine’s birthday.) flying home on the 13th of November too.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Drawing a line in the sand and sticking to it. I have a terrible habit of holding onto relationships long after they should end, of taking whatever I can because it’s better than nothing, right? Yeah, no. I was very proud of myself even it was emotionally exhausting and really fucking sad.

9. What was your biggest failure?

2013 was the year of being considerate. I think some people are naturally considerate to others, Beth and Bec are automatically considerate and it’s wonderful to have them in my life. I tried really hard to show consideration this year, not that I feel like I failed but I could’ve been better I think.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

If we’re not counting numerous paper cuts and unexplained bruising, then no.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Many things! Beautiful Michael Kors sunglasses. Crappy but awesome pens that look like baguettes! Outdoor setting for my balcony but probably the most important thing was Poppy’s health. She got pretty sick last month and I got a hefty bill, worth every damn cent.


12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

My sister. We have not lived together since I was 15 I think, and before that a gap of about 10 years. I was dreading parts of our overseas trip because I knew I’d be spending 24 hours a day with my family, including sharing rooms and sometimes beds with Sabine. You know I like my space. And she made it awesome. From making me laugh everyday, from letting me snicker at her hair, for being my ally against Dad and for letting me occasionally pat her while I slept (I thought she was Poppy.)


My friends. Always my friends.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled?

Australia’s political treatment of asylum seekers made me furious and despairing. Both sides of government have made sickening decisions affecting people who have risked everything for a better life here. Appalling.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Such a boring fucking answer – rent and my mortgage. Being a grown up blows sometimes.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Going overseas (farmhouse in Normandy! Paris! Dublin! Pork pies!) and Beth falling pregnant. Both things made me giddy with excitement.

16. What song will always remind you of 2013?

Don’t really have one. I am old and listen to classic rock or easy listening radio stations.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?

(a) a little sadder actually;

(b) fatter;

(c) … about the same.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Spent more time with friends and family.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Working, so much of my time is spent at work it’s depressing.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

While I’d planned to spend this Christmas with my Mum she went to Vietnam instead (jerk) so I spent it with Dad and his family. A wonderful wonderful day with good people, good alcohol and good food. One of the best.

21. Did you fall in love in 2013?


22. What was your favourite TV program?

God, this makes me sad – Duck Dynasty. I love that fucking show (ignoring its Christian values.)

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

No, hate takes far too much energy. A lot of people have irritated me and infuriated me but no hate.

24. What was the best book you read?

I attempted the 52 books in 2013 where I read a book a week. While I stopped keeping track half way through I do think I made it. With that said in don’t remember there being inspiring, I really enjoyed Gone Girl and 1953 by Stephen King, I re-read a lot of Michael Ondaatje who remains one of my favourite authors but don’t think I had a best book.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

God, I am uncool, none.

26. What did you want and get?

I wanted a change to my routine and got it with my trip, I wanted a couple of things that I didn’t get but that’s kinda life isn’t it?

27. What did you want and not get?

Would prefer to take the 5th on this one…..

28. What was your favourite film of this year?

Oh man, the Hobbit was fucking amazing (just scraped in for 2013 for me.) Silver Linings Playbook was amazing, cementing my Jennifer Lawrence lady crush.

29. What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

My friends, fucking amazing people.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?

I dress like a stereotypical French person, lots of red shoes and striped tops. No pants for when I’m at home. It’s lazy but it works I suppose.

31. What kept you sane?

France, man. Being there, planning to go there, all of it was perfect. That place just hits me in the face and heart and head, I love it.


My friends, always.

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Jennifer Lawrence is a total babe.

33. What political issue stirred you the most?

Asylum seekers and same sex marriages. I’ve been lucky to have attended the weddings of some of my favourite people recently and it fucks me off on so many levels that I can’t do that for the rest of my friends.

34. Who did you miss?

My grandma. My Dad lives next door to her old house where she lived for 20+ years. A new lady bought the house and moved in this year and I have an intense irrational dislike of her living while Grandma isn’t. I didn’t expect the ache to still be here nearly 2 years later. J.

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.

I learnt, but more importantly put into practice, that it’s not worth settling for an imitation of something because you think it’s all you deserve. That was the hardest but most important choice I made this year.

That other people have their own time lines for life experiences and mine won’t always mirror that.

All the pork pies!

Tuesday Jul 23, 2013

It feels like ages since I’ve written here so I thought I’d drop in and say hi.

Things are going okay. We had a round of redundancies at work and lost about a third of the IT department, most of them outsourced overseas. Will be interesting to see how long it takes for the roles to come back in house. They nearly always do.

I’ve had the flu and spent a few days last week dying at home. I am not a good sick person, I want to be left alone but then I get cranky when people don’t come over with soup and stroke my hair. I am a pleasant person. Still, was nice to have a couple of days at home.

I’ve got two gigs coming up, You Am I and Ash, both my 16 year old self and my current self are excited about this.

It’s been over a year now since Grandma died and the grief still surprises me. I was dusting and washing my tea cups and tea pots and had forgotten she’d put a sticker on the teapot I liked of hers. Tea Pot

She went through a phase where every time you’d visit she’d ask if you wanted any of her stuff. I’d say she was being morbid and I didn’t want her stuff (except for the teapot.) Didn’t realise it would be so fresh still this far after. Because she did some acting there’s film out there with her on it and I can’t bring myself to watch it. I miss the old duck.

I picked up a stray cat last week, she was living in a church across the road from me. Slept under my car at night, was ravenous when I started feeding her and was skinny. So I grabbed her and took her to the vet to see if she was microchipped, when they couldn’t get a hold of the owner for a couple of days I brought her home. She was a sweetheart, a little manx cat that when she was happy she’d wag her little tail.

Not Stray

Except it turns out she did have an owner, there is an apartment above the church that I didn’t know was there. And the owner had been worried sick. So yeah, I kidnapped a cat.

Anyway. I apologised a million times and the owner and I are okay, in fact I offered to cat sit for her if she ever needed it.

It’ll be a while before I “rescue” any strays again.

It’s my Dad’s 60th birthday this year. Sabine and I were trying to convince him to have a party, just do something. He decided he was going to the UK and that we should come with him. So come mid October Sabine, Pater and I will be spending a month in the UK. A week in Ireland and a week in France. If we make it through without killing each other it will be ah-mazing. I am going to eat all of the pork pies and have a lady date with ihatemyname. I’m going to work on my terrible rusty French, currently I only know the greetings, how to buy cigarettes and have to order a cheese and ham baguette. Should be enough. Is going to be awesome.

I’m single still although I am stealth dating J, and by stealth dating I mean we’re hanging out and he doesn’t know we’re dating. I’m sorry but if I make out with you and then go to Ikea with you on a Sunday? Dating. If I go furniture shopping with you? Dating. If I spend weekend afternoons at yours watching the IT Crowd and making out? Dating. If you come to things as my implied date? Dating.

It’s only creepy if you think about it too much…..

Poppy is still my furry faced little companion. She oscillates between being a complete jerk and being a sweetheart. Although she has taken to sitting beside my pillow of morning and staring at me until I wake up. This is the view and I do not like it.

Creepy Wake Up

She is not excited to see me, she is plotting my downfall and I ruined it by waking up, look at the suspicion and loathing on her face.

Overall things are good. How is everyone? Your hair looks great.

Friendship card

Sunday Apr 28, 2013

I have been very well lately. My birthday was last week and not only did Meg leave her babies and drove 6 hours to come out for my birthday drinks but Sabine flew over FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COUNTRY for my birthday. I am we’ll lucky.

Had an excellent night, I believe Meg was dancing in the middle of a dance circle at one point, may have been a dance off actually.

Friday Beth and I went to Costco. Holy mother of Jesus that place is fucking amazing. Live on my own but 40 rolls of toilet paper? Sure! Cooking for one but 2 kilos of tinned tomatoes? Get in my trolley!

While Sabine was here she stayed with me and we were talking smack as usual. Somehow I mentioned I was going to elope when/if I got married. Well. Apparently I am not allowed to do this. If I elope I have to bring Sabine. Then, the sneaky wench, she told Beth about my (obviously hypothetical) plans. Double well. I did not realise how strongly people feel about eloping and not being there. Beth? Furious. She actually pulled out the friendship card. The friendship card is the friendship veto, we have never used it on each other before in 15 years of being friends.

So now I’m just not getting married. Loophole friendship card win!

Also I bought a new car. Stella, my beloved Stella, was showing her age and had become less reliable. When she broke down on the approach to the Harbour Bridge in peak hour traffic I traded her in for this puppy. Her name’s Penny and we’re still getting to know each other, she has all of these fancy magical features. Magic!



Monday Mar 25, 2013

At my last lady doctor visit I was told I had an angry cervix.

Whether this means it likes a bit of riot grrl music and wearing black or is a symptom of a bad-no-good-thing I do not know.

So tomorrow I have an appointment to get it checked out.

I am terrified because I am a big wuss. All signs point to this just being normal rather than an indicator of the big C, especially considering all my usual lady garden tests come back as normal, but I’m a worrier by nature.

I am amused by the fact that my insides are as cranky as I am but will feel a lot better once tomorrow is done and all is okay.

Wish me luck.

update: All is good, no cancer, nothing scary. I simply have a cranky cervix.

If you need me I’ll be over here feeling relieved.

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