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Wednesday 28th April

Wednesday Apr 28, 2010

Huh. Who knew it had been 3 weeks since I last updated?

Blame work. By the time I’ve finished work for the day staying back to post is the last thing I feel like doing. I wonder if there’s a WordPress app for a Blackberry so I could post from home?


I had my birthday last week. I am 29 and well old. Beth has…issues with aging. She thinks because she spent her last birthday in bed with whooping cough that she’s lost a year. Surprisingly this is progress from her 21st when she hyperventilated. Literally hyperventilated because she was old. In comparison I am feeling peachy!

I got sent flowers at work, I got cool presents and Dad even remembered the day and called. Sure, if it wasn’t for Facebook reminding him it was my birthday he is likely to have forgotten but I’m pretty sure he took a lot of drugs in the 70’s so you can’t expect much.

Mel (my work sidekick) is on leave at the moment and I am slammed with work. Do not question how I have time to write this unless you want me to cut you. So she’s never allowed to take leave ever again. Ever.

We had a ladies lunch on Saturday here and it was so good that we didn’t leave the place until 11-12 that night. That good. Actually it’s likely that the wine was the cause of the 12 hour lunch but still.

So, after we finish lunch we move out into the courtyard to have a few drinks. All civilised and lovely and one of the girls mentioned a few of her friends will be popping in later, more the merrier etc etc.

Except one of her friends was a guy who (what’s a good way of saying this without me looking like a raging whore) I had a sleepover with a couple of years ago. It was exactly what it was, we’d met a few times, I thought he was cute, it ended at my place and that was that. So when he’s being introduced to everyone, he looks at Beth (who I knew him from) says hi, looks at me and says, “I don’t think we’ve met before.”

Oh. Really.

Here’s the thing, I have a pretty unusual first name, am a relatively cute but chubby girl and trust me, I am a minx in the sack, you do not forget me. And of course later that night he came over and had miraculously gotten over his memory loss.

Beth, being Beth, told him he was a douchebag. I agreed, and he was a bit surprised.

I’d have been offended if he was a better kisser. But I wasn’t because I knew I was following the one-night-stand rules:

  1. Don’t leave your number.
  2. Take it for what it was for (one time occurrence.)
  3. If you meet again be civil but polite.

Sydney is a small place, you will meet someone you’ve slept with again, hell I used to work with a guy I lost my virginity to. That was interesting.

So, yes, he could’ve even been the one to break the 3 month celibacy period but for the fact that he didn’t follow the one-night-stand etiquette and annoyed me.

Apart from that it was a great day. Sure my sister and her boyfriend may have broken up the next day, and sure Beth’s car was broken into while left parked outside. We still had good food and a good 10-12 hours of drinking wine.


This weekend we have a road trip. It’s K’s birthday soon so we’re heading to her hometown which is a town a few hours outside of Sydney for the weekend. Her family are stereotypical country Australians, and so very very lovely. This means I will drink a lot of alcohol and hopefully do lots of driving (not at the same time.)


Saturday I went with Beth to help her find a wedding dress. I’ve done this twice before, once with Meg the Mormon Housewife, and once with Bec, my oldest friend.

Watching them try on dresses left me in a teary mess. Watching Beth try on dresses sent me into fits of giggles. She was being shoved into meringue style dresses that when she’d leave the change rooms were so big and puffy she would start sweeping other dresses off their racks as she walked past.

The white dresses looked ridiculous, there were diamantes and beading EVERYWHERE and frankly if she wasn’t laughing she would’ve been in hysterics.

She’s the reluctant bride as it is (she’s not a fan of commitment, it gives her hives) so she’s decided to get rid of the big wedding dress and go for a cocktail length dress instead.

Thank god because I can’t spend another Saturday morning in a bridal shop.

it sucked

Thursday Apr 8, 2010

Turns out I’m an idiot.

I know. You’re as shocked as I am.

My driving test was set for this afternoon. I called to confirm yesterday and found out I’d booked myself in to do my learners permit test instead of my driving test.

The next available spot is the 5th of May. So I don’t get to do my driving test this month, and I don’t get to have Beth’s car for the next fortnight while she’s overseas.

In addition to waiting on hold with Telstra for an hour, having an awesomely rude staff member call me and be, awesomely rude I suppose, frocking up and heading into the city for a meeting and finding out it was scheduled for next week instead meant yesterday seriously sucked balls.

Since I was in the city anyway I went to the QVB and shopped; one pair of pony skin ballet flats (I don’t think they’re real, I hope not anyway) and a gorgeous head scarf later I went home, had a shower, got into my pyjamas, cooked macaroni and cheese and went to bed early. Today is much better.


I’m entering the home stretch of this ridiculously stupid self-enforced celibacy period. It ends on my birthday this month (the 22nd) and while I’ve cut ties with the boys I would normally make out with I have zero plans on how to end it. Zip. I’m hoping that inspiration will strike because otherwise the no-penis zone will continue into its 4th month and THAT will be unacceptable.


I have an appointment with my beautician on Saturday and I am scared. She’s been waxing me for years, and she’s been harassing me for years to let her give me a facial (snort.) Considering that I buy my skin care stuff from her I think paying her to wash my face with the same products is ludicrous.

But she somehow managed to convince me last visit so I’ve booked in for a ONE-TIME-ONLY facial (heh) and she looked far too happy to learn she had free licence to attack my skin. She is a ridiculously tiny girl my age, and for someone so little she is going to decimate me. If it’s really bad I’ll take photos and post them to twitter (@theantilogy.)


You know that ridiculous website I linked to a couple of posts ago, the Christian one that was unintentionally hilarious? Because I like a good giggle I visited the site again today and found these awesome gems:

How women really don’t want their husbands to help with household chores: “Most women don’t want their husbands to do 50 percent of the housework. The idea that they do is a lie.”

On wedding announcements: “The bride’s career accomplishments should not be listed at all. They are not something to brag about and are irrelevant to her new role as wife, except as a possible indicator of her utter unfitfulness for the role. It’s a cheapening of womanhood.”

And my favourite post about sexual assault in the military, I can’t pull just one of the awesome and wrong quotes from this post but go read it. (Below is probably the best, read: worst):

“I am so angry about women intruding themselves into those parts of the military where they don’t belong, that when I hear about a “rape,” I often think, Well, that’s what you’re there for, isn’t it?”


dammit dammit dammit

Wednesday Feb 24, 2010

Goddamn it!

 All I have wanted to each day this week is to update here, and each and every afternoon I’ve run out of time.

 So he’s my life in summary and bullet point (I am well efficient)

 –       I finished things with Mark.

–       It sucked.

–       Work is really busy.

–       It’s semi-okay.

–       I am starting wedding plan stuff with Beth this week.

–       This is exciting

–       I discovered that as I’m over 25 I don’t have to do a minimum number of hours on my learners permit before going for my driver’s license (it was previously 120 hours, or 50 hours if you got your learners before 2008.)

–       This is awesome because 50 hours is actually a shitload of time, and apparently I am busy and don’t have as much time as I thought I did. Technically I could go for my license now, but I think I need more than 5 drives under my belt.

–       I am actually using my sewing machine.

–       This is tops. I’ve hemmed stuff, loosened stuff, tightened stuff, changed the shape of stuff. I am the (swearing and smoking) Martha Stewart of sewing.

–       I have locked in my property plan, I’m not going to buy a city investment property because I’m not interested. I can afford to rent where I can’t buy. So I have my eye on a 25 acre property a couple of hours outside of Sydney.

       I am possibly unnaturally excited about this. Lucy is heading back to the farm bitches.

–       I’ve run out of time again 🙁

lifts and drinks and blisters

Tuesday Feb 2, 2010

God I’m tired and it’s barely lunch time. I’m sleeping like a log but I’m just getting to bed later and later. I stand firm that tonight I will be in bed at 9:30. No later. And tonight I won’t let Poppy sleep in the middle of the bed so I’m sprawled out around here, and that I kill any (fucking) mosquitoes before they drain half of my blood during the night.

I went out on Saturday night for celebration drinks for Beth and DJ’s engagement. While I hate going out at night I love seeing my friends because they’re pretty much the nicest/coolest people I know. So, I got frocked up and headed into the city.

There’s an RSL smack bang in the city that is an oasis of cheap drinks away from the wanky bars and clubs that make up the usual Sydney city night life. Any place that has lounges where I can buy a round of drinks for 5 people and get change from a $20 note (a small amount but still) is a good place. Except that on the way up with Beth and K in the lift, the lift dropped a floor. One second we were going from 2 to 3, and then the lifted plummeted back to 2. I would say that I burst into tears or vomit because that’s what I thought I would do, but it was too quick. It was gross and scary and we did not go in that lift again.

I drank a lot of vodka and champagne and then we started having shots because see: cheap drinks. We then retired to the local for last drinks, in the walk across the city I gave myself some wicked blisters from the heels I was wearing. But, you know, vodka heals a lot so I drank some more before getting in a cab and making the cab driver go through McDonalds drive thru. The quarter pounder never tasted so good.

Celibacy update: Getting a wee bit harder now, actually I don’t even know when I started. Let me check.

Jesus I only started 2 weeks ago, this is not going to end well. Well, it’d end well for me but not for the poor man.

Oh! I forgot the news. Beth totally made me a bridesmaid. K and I and Beth’s sister are all bridesmaids. I am ridiculously excited especially after she reassured us that the dresses would be black cocktail dresses and hair also suitable restrained. We also warned her that as a bride she gets ONE DAY to be a total bridezilla and since her wedding is a year away if she tries to pull that crap we will revolt.

So, terms and conditions have been accepted on both sides and everyone is happy.

Except DJ who had to spend the day after the drinks at a bridal expo. Sucked in groom.

eye twitch and zen stuff

Friday Jan 29, 2010


I am a wee bit stressed at the moment. I know this because I’m cleaning when I get home from work (this is not usual, I tidy up before I go to bed at night and clean the kitchen but normally I don’t dust and polish stuff when I could be watching crime documentaries). Cleaning is what I do when I’m stressed or upset about something. But the thing that’s making it worse? I’m having trouble sleeping.

Everybody who knows me in real life knows that sleep and I are on the best of terms. Eating, sleeping and sex – 3 of my favourite things and not necessarily in that order. So getting to sleep at midnight when I’d usually be in bed at 9:00, all the while still getting up at 5:00 a.m. means I am tired. And cranky and I have an eye twitch.

The celibacy thing blows. Mark is back from his holiday and has sent me a Facebook message. I’m ignoring it for now as I’m not yet in the no sex “Zen” zone or where I’d prefer an early night that getting naked with someone. So need to keep my distance from that or I could hurt him.

I also found out that since Beth is so close with my family she’d like to invite both of my parents to her wedding. Which is absolutely lovely and I know Mum and Dad would be absolutely overjoyed at the idea.

Except that Mum and Dad are divorced and aren’t really on the best terms. In fact I think the last time they saw each other I was in high school. Maybe primary school I can’t remember exactly since it’s been so long. And the idea of them being in the same room, let alone at the same table is kind of stressing me out. Even though Beth and DJ aren’t planning on having their wedding until early next year.

Anyway this weekend we’re having celebration drinks for the kids engagement. We’re going back to where they met……drunk at a dive city bar – It’s a beautiful story and we plan to commemorate it.

Anyway I’ve had enough for today so I’m going to have an early mark and go buy me a pair of new shoes.

Hope you’re all well.

dear me….

Monday Jan 18, 2010

While I’m still coughing like a 90 year old smoker I’m finally feeling better after last week’s black lung epidemic. This is good as while I still sound dodgy I feel much better and can finally sleep through the night.

Next stop cutting back on smoking. I’m not going to quit, quitting is for losers. Plus I’m not ready, so cutting back is a good alternative.

I’ve also decided on another sabbatical. It’s not the good kind of sabbatical though, as I’ll be on a sabbatical from any type of low down action. I’m doing a 3 month celibacy run again, I quite enjoyed the one I did a couple of years ago. Well, enjoyed is not the right word but I met a lot of really awesome new boys and did not sleep with the old boy/s once. This was a win in my book.

Even if (and I can’t believe I’m putting this in writing) my celebrations at the end of the 3 month period last time involved sleeping with 2 boys in one week and then realising with horror that my period was late.

For a good few days I had a skanky Jerry Springer/Maury Povich style freak out that if I was actually pregnant I wouldn’t know who the father was, and one of the boys was a gorgeous Canadian backpacker who left the country the next day, aaannnd I couldn’t remember his first name.

 So, maybe the celebrations will be a little more low key this time.

 But yes, no sex. No boy action at all. For 3 months.

 Trust me, it’s a good exercise for me as I tend to keep boys around long past their use-by date and before you know it you realise that you still see the boy you lost your virginity to regularly and you’re still having sleepovers with a boy you broke up with 5 years ago.


 Anyway, I was going to do a normal update (hung out with Dad this weekend, went and saw Avatar in 3D and just ended up getting motion sickness, found out I apparently talk in my sleep) but you got a Lucy is a whore update instead.


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