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Bouquet

Monday Mar 30, 2015

So, my sister, Sabine, and I moved in together about 7 or 8 months ago. Since we’re both still alive I’m deeming it a success. I have noticed a few things though:

1. We are become more and more stupid the longer we live together. Last week Sabine apologised when her stomach growled. Except it was my stomach. She just assumed it was her and wasn’t worried that she wasn’t hungry or that she didn’t feel the growl. I am constantly saying and doing stupid things, I live to lie uncomfortable close to her and ask if she needs a hug. B

2. We are regressing to our childhood state. On the weekend I ran at her while carrying a 10 kilogram bag of river stones. Then was surprised that it hurt her. I also brush past her daily but it’s less brushing and more sexual harassment. (I also like to suggestively booty dance at her in my underpants even though she is a massive prude.)

3. Our cats (we have two now, I still have the Popster and Sabine’s old and cranky cat has moved in too) hate each other. After 6 months of living together they still stare at each other across the apartment like Maggie and her monobrowed baby nemesis. Her cat also hates me with a fiery passion even though I am desperate for it to love me. I don’t even particularly like her cat and call it a fuck face on a daily basis. But despite all my kind words and food bribery she continues to hiss at me constantly. I am torn between regularly trying to win her over whilst training Poppy to hunt her.

I think in essence we’ve just reverted to our childhood selves since we rarely lived together growing up and last lived together properly when we were about 6 or 7?

Essentially I’ve become the obnoxious younger sibling and she has become Hyacinth Bucket and we interact exactly like Emmett and Hyacinth.

3 Comments »

All the best housemates I’ve had have done suggestive dancing in their pants.

I’m very pleased to see you still post here. Things sound like they might have been a bit tough. I’ve had a bad few years myself. Life, what a shitter, eh? I still managed to do all my own fucking ironing though. #justsayin

April 1st, 2015 | 9:21 am
Lucy:

I will pass on your confirmation that I am a best housemate to my sister. She tends to either roll her eyes or look uncomfortable when I’m booty dancing for her.

Things have been….challenging recently but they appear to be coming good. Or if they’re not then I’ve made then appear better by the sheer strength of my stubbornness. #taureanforlife #ironashirtyoulazybastard

April 2nd, 2015 | 10:25 am

#nice #hashtagging
#think #I’m #getting #the #hang #of #this #social #media #thing

Dear Sabine,

I remember chatting to a stripper about this. She said it made it less uncomfortable for both parties if you traded in your “I’m not sure I should be enjoying this” face to something more frank and appreciative.

But you still need to sit on your hands.

Glad I could help.

Chris

April 2nd, 2015 | 4:42 pm
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