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Wednesday Feb 11, 2015

I am approaching my 34th birthday and I’m a little disconcerted by the idea. I’m 33 (obviously) so it’s not like I’m 25 turning 34 as very little will actually change from the 21st of April to the 22nd of April. But, still.

I’m blaming Mercury in retrograde for this because it’s a bitch of a thing and causes havoc whenever it’s happening. It’s been making me do a lot of thinking lately. What do I want my life to be like? Where do I want to be in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years? Where do I want to live? Since my retirement year is 2042 what job can I do for the next 30 years that won’t make me wish for an early heart attack?

I’m stopping for a bit to evaluate shit, what I want and what I don’t want and this is a good thing. It’s just very exhausting though and I’d like a lie down because I am getting on a bit now.

I blame this introspection on two things – a grey hair in my best friend’s eyebrow we discovered recently and a friend’s comment that I need to get onto baby making stat as my ‘window of fertility’ is narrowing quickly.

Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.

To both things.

One – a grey hair fine, I’ve had grey hairs since my early twenties but an eyebrow hair. And if she has one surely I’ll have them but don’t notice because I dye my eyebrows. WHAT IF I HAVE A GREY PUBE?!

Two – Shut the fuck up about my “fertility window.” It’s my fertility window and I’ll do what I want with it. Whether that’s actually utilising it and having babies (ha!) or ignoring it and buying more pets is totally my call.


I fucking know. Of course I know about my body and its features and limitations. I’m a grown arse adult who is aware and prides myself and knowing this stuff.

It’s like the healthy eating kick I’ve been on lately where so many people continue to give me basic advice about eating well and losing weight. Especially because I rarely ask for advice because, well, fuck that. It drives me totally mental because I’m obviously doing okay with it as I’m down 20 kilograms (45ish pounds, I think?)

“Lots of fresh fruit and vegetables!” No shit Sherlock.

“Avoid saturated fats!” Jog on, champ.

I was going to say, it’s not that I don’t appreciate the advice, because I don’t. I just think people need to worry about their own stuff and leave others to worry about their shit. Because ultimately it makes me think and I don’t like that.

Writing this was good, it made me fired up rather than feeling a little down. Morale of this post – don’t give me fucking advice and don’t try and tell me what to do with my body.



Must be the time for it, I know that feel. I’m convinced that 2015 is a stupid jerk.

20kg, holy balls, well done lovey!

February 11th, 2015 | 6:18 pm

T – 2015 is a massive jerk so far for me too. If 2015 doesn’t start getting its act together I’m going to cry.

February 13th, 2015 | 6:07 am
Tom Corcoran:

Wait til you hit the big 70!! half your friends are already gone, Pints are twice as much, and it’s hard to spen a night at the Pub,, when you’re “dozing” at 6:30 pm.
Where are my slippers,….Oh on my feet!
Mr Guinness

March 25th, 2015 | 6:58 am
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