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bogan-tastic

Sunday Aug 28, 2011

I had a bogan-tastic weekend.

My Dad’s family are mainly located in large country town about 2 (or 3 the way I drive) hours outside of Sydney.

They are football watching, beer and Bundy (Bundaberg Rum) drinking dudes and I like them a lot.

So Friday I left work early, bought a 4 pack of Red Bull and threw Poppy in the car to drive down for my cousins birthday party.

Poppy is surprisingly good when it comes to road trips, she takes about 15 minutes to settle down and then she either curls up on the passenger seat or wanders around the car peering out the window.

She is almost as good roadtrip buddy as the BeardedMan but she tends to yowl when I’m singing particularly loudly to the roadtrip playlist. (BeardedMan does not yowl when I sing so comes out ahead.)

I arrived at my Gram’s house, get dressed and head to the RSL for the shindig. I am a big fan of an RSL mainly for their ridiculously cheap drink prices.

I had, no exaggeration, a bajillion vodka’s and bought rounds and I spent $60. $60! That will barely get you a bottle of wine in Sydney. Bargain!

My cousin plays in a band and they played on the night, they played nothing but rock covers. I don’t mind me some live band action, especially when I have had a bajillion vodka’s.

Oh, I was more dancer than man. It was beautiful and terrible all at the same time.

I set a great example for my 3 nieces and I perved on the multiple (multiple!) chubby bearded nerds there. A local country RSL must be a chubby bearded magnet and it pains me to admit but I may have to troll for nerd at more RSL clubs.

I switched to Midori Illusions about midnight and stumbled home to my grandmothers house a couple of hours later. And bless her, Doreen was still awake and I had to have that conversation where I was trying to act sober as the vodka seeped out of my pores. She ended up telling me I looked a little “peaky” and I should go to bed, she actually did the air quotes when she said peaky, cheeky bugger.

I had a very quiet night last night after buying my Dad a bicycle for fathers day next weekend. I am well chuffed by the idea of my father hooning around town on a pushbike.

Then chucked the Popster in the car and toddled on home. Poppy is exhausted and has slept all afternoon. Sabine’s cat lives with Grams now and she hates Poppy with a burning fiery feline passion so Poppy slept with one eye open all weekend.

Since it’s pasta Sunday I’m going to go cook me a big bowl of fuck off pasta and curl up on the lounge.

I hope anyone reading from the US east coast is safe, Irene is a cranky lady.

What did you guys do this weekend?


nostalgic wank

Thursday Aug 25, 2011

I don’t do nostalgia, since I figure it’s far too self-indulgent to do when you’re only 30.

But today I’m feeling nostalgic.

I’m pretty much right where I wanted to be, sure there’s a little more soul-less corporate whoredom than I thought, but generally I’m in a good place. Great friends, great family, good job, great apartment, great hair etc.

I was reading John’s site today. You probably know or share of my feelings towards poetry as a general rule, but John? Is so fucking talented and writes in a way that makes me feel things deep down in my cold heart.

Then I also discovered Stella’s new blog. Stella is pretty much the coolest girl you know but is warm and lovely and isn’t a complete bitch like cool girls normally are. Oh and she has the best eyebrows of anyone I’ve ever met.

These two kids are probably not aware that they represent a very awesome time in my life and I will always have ridiculously fond memories of them and then.

It was before Adam got boring, before I got boring, when I was living with Beth and her boyfriend in Annandale before her boyfriend turned into a massive hard-on. I was making out with SleepoverBoy, working in my first technical role, before I got glandular fever and I had a great year or so.

I drank a lot, I spent many nights at John’s terrace in Camperdown with his ratbag bunch of friends who were rioteously funny in the best and offensive way. The soundtrack then was Billy Joel (John was obsessed.) Whoever had money that week bought the beer, we went to the jazz/opera/whatever in the Domain festivals, I caught the nightbus home a few times dangerously drunk.

I went to a house party at John’s new place where there was Jagermeister punch that made me throw up black the next day. I wore an awesome black velvet blazer that I still wish I had. Stella was there and I walked into the living room at one point to her and Sabine singing to Love is a Battlefield that they’d forced a stranger to download and play. I think it was John’s birthday so he’d no doubt had absinthe (he’d only drink absinthe on his birthdays because he invariably ended up having a conversation with a wall at 5:00 a.m. so liked to meter it out responsibly) and I think, I think I met someone I went to school with. I woke up next to SleepoverBoy the next morning after apparently getting back together the previous night after too much of the punch. I demanded Stella drive me, and my friends home afterwards despite only meeting her that night.

Now Stella is living in Greece, John is a director and playwright living in London. And I missed catching up with John while he was over here recently directly a play and I feel like an arsehole and I work too hard now and I have a mortgage and my friends are having babies and now when we catch up for drinks they’re at each other’s tastefully beige decorated apartments and there’s good bottles of wine and gourmet sausages for the BBQ and no jagermeister punch or Canadian Club or Oporto’s runs and I got fat and old and boring.

Huh.

Well that was quite therapeutic.

I think maybe I just need to start drinking again.


q and a response

Sunday Aug 14, 2011

God you guys are awesome, thanks for all of the comments on the last post.

Since I know you’re all dying to find out my stance on the questions I asked, without further ado:

1. Sleeping with socks on – Yes or No.

There were 5 votes for wearing socks while sleeping is wrong and 3 for right (if it’s cold enough etc.)

This is actually a long running argument I have with both Beth and Meg. Both are physically incapable of sleeping if they’re wearing socks and when I used to live with Beth or when we’re away and sharing a room she has threatened to sneak in while I sleep and take my socks off. Even though we’ve been friends for 15 years I can’t guarantee that she wouldn’t do it.

Apparently Beth’s mother used to tell her that her feet would fall off if she wore socks to sleep in. Beth has many quirks, this is one.

I enjoy sleeping in socks when it’s cold, mainly because I am too lazy to have a top sheet and can often find my feet poking out of my quilt threatening my toes with hypothermia.

2. Girls shouldn’t use the c-word.

This one surprised me a little, more people than not weren’t big fans of the word generally regardless of who it came from.

I obviously have a bit of a foul mouth, but the c-bomb is my special occasion curse. If I use it you know I am not in any way shape or form happy.

3. A girl drinking beer is attractive/unattractive.

Bless you lushes, the majority of you thought girls drinking beer was attractive. In fact a few believed it made them hella attractive, of course one of these shared my genes. The antilogy blood is half alcohol after all.

I used to make out with a boy who thought the girls drinking beer was horrendous. He was great in the sack though so I ignored that…

4. Modern girls taking on their husbands surname when they marry – agree/disagree.

This is a discussion I had with DJ quite a bit before he and Beth got married. Beth chose to keep her surname and DJ wasn’t so pleased with that idea at first. It’s also a conversation I’ve had with a couple of my guy friends. I understand women who take their husbands name, completely understand it and have no issue with women who do.

In my case though Sabine and I are the last Antilogy girls in the family, when/if we get married and if we took our husbands name there’d be no more Antilogy’s. And I just hate the idea of that happening. One of the biggest points that the boys would make is that it’s their name, their background and heritage and they feel almost duty bound to pass that on. Yet it’s exactly the same for me, I’m an Antilogy, my parents and my grandparents and my relatives and my sense of family is pretty strong, the idea of not carrying on that name makes me ridiculously sad.

Most of you were also pretty much in the middle too.

5. Vegemite. Right or wrong?

You guys are more wrong than right, 5 vegemite fans to 3 non-fans.

I am not a Vegemite fan, at all. It’s a YEAST EXTRACT SPREAD. WHAT IS THAT?!?!

6. Lights on or off during adult time.

I have a friend, I’ve seen her breasts more than her boyfriend has. It makes me sad, she has great tata’s and they should be shared!

I am a strong supporter of lights on, you guys not so much. Prudes.

7. I am awesome – Yes or Yes

This was actually a trick question since it’s not a question at all, just a statement of fact.

All of you got it right though.

Except for my sister Sabine who declined to answer this one, she is in a while world of pain come Christmas time when I see her next….


Q&A

Thursday Aug 11, 2011

I have many arguments with people, it appears to be a hobby and a past time of mine.

And because I fight unfairly I’m going to see what you guys think of some long standing arguments I have with my friends and/or family and if you agree with me use it the next time the argument pops up:

1. Sleeping with socks on – Yes or No.

2. Girls shouldn’t use the c-word. (C.U.N.T)

3. A girl drinking beer is attractive/unattractive.

4. Modern girls taking on their husbands surname when they marry, agree/disagree.

5. Vegemite. Right or wrong?

6. Lights on or off during adult time.

7. I am awesome – Yes or Yes.


childhood dot points

Monday Aug 8, 2011

My dad taught me to cartwheel.

One summer holidays I went into work with my Dad (he was a librarian) nearly everyday and read all of the Young Adult section.

My sister and I shared a bedroom together when we were 17 and 18. She’d just finished school and I was doing my final year and it was not a good combination. She used to come home drunk with her friends when the local clubs/bars would close and wake me up all the damned time.

I broke one of my closest friends (Bec) leg when we were 4 or so. It was totally an accident (I’m hoping so unless I was a psychopath back then) but she brings it up most times we catch up. I figure that’s fair. Even worse is it apparently didn’t look like it was broken and my mother sent her home from our play date, and her mother (who is a nurse) gave her a panadol and told her to stop crying. Ahh, child rearing in the 80’s.

Despite my mother now being the least maternal person ever she is my go to person for recipe advice since she used to make most of our food, including home made vanilla ice cream.

I had a wart on my thumb as a kid and was petrified for weeks after my Mum told me we’d need to have it frozen off. Then I woke up one day and it had disappeared. I’m still squicked out by the idea that it fell off in my sleep.

The first two tapes (yeah!) I bought myself were Whispering Jack by John Farnham and Still Cruising by the Beach Boys.

I don’t sing in front of others because of the trauma (!) of my sister discovering me singing along to my walkman one day off key to Tears of a Clown and harassed me mercilessly. So if we’re ever out drunk together and you suggest going to karaoke and I say no? Blame Sabine.

Just to even this up I was a complete shit of a younger sister to Sabine and would frequently get her into trouble. One of my favourites was when I was learning how to write at 3 or 4 and wrote her name (in permanent marker) on the windowsill at home. She got the blame for that one. Oh, and I also threw a pair of scissors at her once. So yeah. Bygones.

(Look at me here – do I look like someone who could throw a pair of scissors at my sisters head?)

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I used to be ridiculously active as a child, I don’t know what happened.

My Dad believed in creative punishment since he didn’t smack us. One night when I was around 4 I didn’t want to do the dishes so he proposed I ran around the farm (11 acres) until maybe I’d change my mind. I made it around 3 times I think before he took pity on me. He made me do the dishes anyway.

I grew up on a farm which had an outside toilet. It was terrifying and I still don’t know how I used to go outside in the middle of the night. Maybe I just wet the bed a lot?

There weren’t many rules on the farm, but the main one for me was even if I wasn’t wearing clothes (I did not like wearing clothes) I had to wear gumboots. And if we went off on our own we had to have our Great Dane Sid come with us.

My Mum gave Sabine and I completely ridiculous nicknames as children. I still haven’t told Beth mine because it’s stupid and mortifying. And no, I’m not telling you either. Let’s just say it has Bum in it and leave it at that.


Lists

Monday Aug 1, 2011

Songs I thought my step-dad made up:

1. Ballroom Blitz
2. Black Betty
3. My Boomerang won’t come back.

Well, my ex step-dad anyway. He used to sing these songs all the time and they sounded so ridiculous I thought he’d just made them up.

The first time I heard the Spiderbait cover of Black Betty I was very, very confused.

Things/people I can’t stand anymore due to other people:

1. The name Shane (real name of recent “NiceBoy”)
2. Powderfinger (A highly irritating girl I went to high school with was obsessed with them and ruined them.)
3. Redskin, Milko and Spearmint lollies (Ate too many of them as a kid once and vommed.)
4. Tequila (The first time I ever drank I had a full bottle of tequila with salt and lime. The smell of tequila now makes me queasy.)

Names Poppy responds to:

1. Fats
2. Fatty
3. Fats McGee
4. Puppy
5. Puppycat
6. Popalopogus

Names Poppy doesn’t respond to:

1. Poppy

Lessons my parents taught me:

1. Life’s not fair (at the age of 4, thanks Dad.)
2. Don’t trust men who say trust me (actually follow this one, thanks Mama)
3. Don’t go to bed with wet hair (do not follow this one since it’s the only way I get good curls.)

Words I hate:

1. Moist
2. Pit
3. Ciao (said by a non Italian)
4. Crazy (when people describe themselves as crazy I want to punch them in the face.)
5. DH (As in Dear Husband, weird forum language from wives.)

Things that set my teeth on edge:

1. People making excessive bodily function noises on public transport (loud breathing/chewing, sniffling, disgusting throat clearing etc.)
2. Getting a rough edge of my nail caught on woolly fabric.
3. Colleagues leaving their mobile phone on their desks when they’re away and it just ringing and ringing.
4. People standing too close to me on the train.
5. Getting 5 cent pieces in change, actually 5 cent pieces generally, useless bloody currency.
6. Receiving unsolicited advice, my favourite is the diet and exercise advice I get as a fatster.

Good times.


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