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no, just no.

Monday Jan 24, 2011

It’s a really hot day today in Sydney, 35 degrees last time I checked. Summer is an awesome time for clothes with the dresses and cute thongs. Except that some chubby girls appear to have received the wrong memo, they got the skinny girl clothing memo. As a result my eyes have been assaulted over the weekend, resulting in this PSA.

Disclaimer – I am a chubby girl, obvs.

Leggings – Leggings are not pants. Full stop. If the leggings have a gusset they’re tights, which means they’re under garments. This is especially so for chubby girls, leggings are brazen and ballsy and unashamed. Which are great characteristics in a girl, not so your pants.  

 Halterneck anything – Halternecks seem to be exclusively aimed at chubby girls and from the front they can actually look cute, all v neck and flattering.

 But the back view? Back rolls and bingo arm waving. Wear a cardigan is all I’m saying.

 Anything made out of jersey – Again this seems to be marketed as a chubby girl miracle fabric. It’s not, it doesn’t skim it clings, it highlights every bump and chub. Unless you’re wearing those awesome support garments that go from your knees to shoulders do not buy into the jersey – flattering. You know who looks good in jersey? Girls with no boobs.

 Low cut jeans – Dear baby jebus no. Just no.

 Spaghetti straps worn with thick bra straps – This point is not against spaghetti straps, they can look cute on chubby girls. If worn with a strapless bra or a bra with thin straps. But if you’re wearing a bra that has thick straps to hold in the girls spaghetti straps are not your friend. In fact they’re your enemy who wants to get you fired from your job and sleep with your boyfriend.

 Strapless anything – If you have breasts larger than a C cup strapless dresses/tops are not a good look, they give you the boobage overflow (that 3rd and 4th breastage is not cute) and you’ll spend half the day tugging up the front or your strapless bra. Boobage spillage is hot in certain situations, this is not one of them.

Short shorts – The majority of girls, large/small/whatevs, have cellulite. Nothing wrong with this. But short shorts, i.e. they’re only hitting the upper though, are not for us. They’re just not, I understand they’d be really really comfortable to wear on a hot day but so would wearing no pants at all and there are laws about that.


Mr. Guinness:

Get the word to Dior and Halston,….quickly! There could be a rebellion happening. Imagine not having the civil decency to avoid distressing others!!! Shameful! Glad you’re back
Mr. G.

January 27th, 2011 | 6:12 am

I am oddly impressed that you know who Halston and Dior are Alec!

It is shameful! I don’t like my eyes being violated 🙂

January 31st, 2011 | 6:22 pm
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