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wanky angry post

Tuesday Nov 16, 2010

The Antilogy family has had a rough couple of months, starting with the death of my Mum’s sister a month or so ago.

My aunt was estranged from the family, for pretty good reason. She was my aunt but in the bluntest possible way she was a hot mess. Without the hot. The family wasn’t told of her death until a couple of months afterwards and that’s upset the hell out of everyone. Mum and her other sisters missed her funeral, she had children that we haven’t met yet and because we’re not next of kin we can’t find anything out. We don’t know what date she passed away, we know what date she was buried on purely because of an online article I found. It’s a fucked up situation and my Mum is sad and I hate that more than anything.

To make matters worse we found out the son of one of Mum’s closest friends passed away over the weekend. He was only 22, a baby really.

I have discovered though that I remain in the anger phase of grief for probably an excessive period of time. Sure I’m probably a pretty angry person, which is the easy explanation here. But death is not happy, it’s not graceful nor peaceful.

I remember at my Grandad’s funeral, I was sitting next to Sabine holding hands. I’d brought a single. tissue, thinking I was well prepared. I wasn’t. I was sobbing and I was so fucking sad and I couldn’t stop crying. I had to give Sabine half of the tissue and it did sweet fuck all. When it was over we were all outside the cathedral waiting for gods knows what and some fucker tells me, “let’s celebrate his life” and I wanted to punch them in the throat. We’ve literally just finished his funeral, he’s on his way to be cremated and I’m supposed to celebrate my Grandad dying?

It’s the same with the two recent death’s. I hate platitudes. Jack was 22, he died a stupid fucking death, sure celebrate his life, but maybe wait until his poor mother is not so completely destroyed.

People want to put positive spins on everything, they want to look on the bright side and you know? Sometimes there isn’t.

Sometimes life is just messed up and sad and royally fucked up.

It’s like the whole Secret wank. Put your mind to something and it will come to you. Buuullllllssshhhiit.

Having children is a beautiful thing. It’s also a bunch of snotty noses, horrific childbirth, poopy nappies, whining, mindless washing etc.

God. What a depressing post. I’m not even depressed or angry. I just wish people would drop the bullshit, sometimes manners or what people think they should do or say is completely the wrong thing. I mean, don’t ask newlyweds when they’re going to have babies, don’t say pithy things when people die because you feel like you need to say something. Just, stop it.

(In other news I bought a car. It is fricking adorable and its name is Stella. Photos will come soon.)

5 Comments »

Kass:

There’s absolutely nothing worse than someone telling you to look on the bright side or trying to get you to put a positive spin on something when you’re completely destroyed and devoid of any good emotions. What a fucken crap thing to do to someone. We all need to go through the grieving stage where everything is SHIT.

Anyway, I hope you’re feeling better soon chick. Go out and buy a pretty dress, then take yourself out of a date *big hugs*

November 18th, 2010 | 7:58 am
Daniel:

Just a BIG HUG, and another, and another, and another, times infinity.

And I’m delighted Stella is a Stella.

November 18th, 2010 | 8:01 am

People just have to understand that we all grieve differently. For you it might be anger, I make jokes, some douches can’t handle death hence the whole “Hurry up and let’s celebrate life because if I have to dwell on my own mortality my brain’s totally going to climb out of my skull.” I guess I’m saying, I agree with you. People need to be more tactful about this shit.

….

(Hope you are enjoying your new car!)

November 18th, 2010 | 8:40 pm

Kass – Man, God help the next person who tells me to cheer up. I will go ninja on their arses 🙂

Daniel – I adore you.

Winter – Bang on, you said exactly what I meant. I just wish people would leave other people be and handle things their own way, you know.

Good to see you around chicken.

November 23rd, 2010 | 6:56 pm

I agree. I have come to the conclusion that people in this country especially are utterly afraid of showing emotion that isn’t of the happy-healthy-and everything’s great!- variety. It’s phony. We’re not meant to function as robots and it’s perfectly normal to shed tears every now and then and give in to feelings of sadness and depression.

Congrats on the purchase of your new car. I just sold mine (his name was Lulu. He was androgynous).

Also, sending great big *HUGS* your way.

November 24th, 2010 | 3:28 am
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