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The darkness

Sunday Oct 17, 2010

In attempting to blog honestly and without wank here’s the next one:

I tend to have…odd ideas about relationships and being single. Probably the biggest cause of this?

Every single relative (of both sides of my family) has either never married/been in a long term relationship, been divorced or widowed. Literally every single one of them – no happy marriages that didn’t end. The longest relationship was my Dad’s parents, 59 years they’d been married before Granddad passed away.

Lovely story right? (Well, except for the death part, that’s pretty sad.)

Except they couldn’t stand each other. Drove each other mad and lived apart for the last 20 odd years of their marriage.

The only successful relationship was my Aunt and Uncle, 30 years they’d been together before cancer made her a widow.

As a result I’m kind of cynical when it comes to relationships. I believe things like:

1. Finding a good partner comes down more to luck than anything else.

2. Relationships/marriages don’t last.

3. People who must be in relationships are sad people.

4. If people are still single by a certain age there must be something wrong with them.

Aren’t they awful ideas? Cynical, awful and yet for some reason they all tend to ring true to me based on experience.

I do think that meeting someone you can have a relationship with comes down to luck. I’ve met probably 3 men that I could have seen myself long term with – married, babies the whole shebang. But the trifecta wasn’t complete – right person, right place, right time. And to get those 3 things in place is complete bloody luck.

I believe until you’ve been single for let’s say a year – spent the Christmas holidays single, a birthday single, had to handle rent and bills and changing lightbulbs and household repairs, been sick and pathetic on your own, walk into a party on your own knowing no one else and relying on just your little own self? You don’t really know yourself or what you’re capable of.

I do believe that if you’re constantly single (like I am) that there’s likely to be something funky about you.

My issues? I’m anti-social and have odd ideas like the above. Do I think I make an awesome girlfriend? Shit yes. Do I think I would make a great long term partner/wife? Hell yes. Am I typing this as a 29 year old single chick in tracksuit pants on a Sunday night with my cat next to me watching a Stephen Fry documentary? Yup!

With that said do I think I’m going to do my damnedest to be the one to ‘break’ the family curse? Absolutely. There’s nothing I quite like more than proving something/someone wrong. Will I try and stop being so bloody bitter? Yes.

And to quote a very wise long haired man “I believe in a thing called love.”



Hearfuckinghear for proving things wrong. Proof that it doesn’t take a certain kind of family to make you cynical about relationships: mine are mainly composed almost exclusively by the oddly Been-Together-For-30++-Years types, yet i still agree with you on more than half of those points (Stephen Fry docs on a Sunday night? You clearly are da bomb, no problem there in my book!) I blame television.

I do believe it takes plain luck to meet someone who loves and respects you in the way you want to be loved and respected, whom you love and respect in equal measure. I mean, what are the odds?! But like you said, sometime, that luck only extends to the meeting of the right person–not the right timing nor the right place. And that, my friend, sucks rats balls. Having just done 1.5 year long distance with someone wonderful, this still stings bitterly true. But what else can we do but hope and fight on, right?


(oh, i’ve (re) started blogging again, but elsewhere… bc of Certain Reasons Related to Real Life, you see… You’re always welcome to drop by, that is when i have 2 minutes to clear out my head from these bloody projects!) (man, i need some booze)

October 18th, 2010 | 11:27 am

Dear jeebus! Sorry for the epic comment. I guess i had 2 minutes after all!…

October 18th, 2010 | 11:29 am

Relationships come down to blind chance, I totally agree, but let me reinforce that you are an amazing person and you would definitely make an amazing girlfriend. There’s no doubt about that.

I love that I know you. All your so-called faults are the features that make you YOU. You’re unique and wonderful, end of story.

That wise man rules, by the way.

October 19th, 2010 | 12:02 pm

Oh V I adore you. When the relationship trifecta is not complete it’s the saddest fucking thing in the world. Perfect guy? He lives 500 miles away. Perfect guy? He’s just come out of a relationship and isn’t ready yet. Maybe those things have depressed me more than the family curse?

Also please tell me in your family of married for decades there’s an old couple who still holds hands? That shit just slays me…

Daniel – I love you, I want to frame you in one of J’s photos and put you on my wall forever.

October 19th, 2010 | 8:37 pm
Mr. Guinness:

Due to bandwidth I will try and be concise. As you know I have been married 44 years now to the same woman, (and occasionally we do still hold hands), but love is an ebb and flow thing, she has her pet peeves, I have mine, some I am willing to change or overlook, others not, so it’s trying to steer clear of a scene by being “aware” of them and trying to “minimize” them, sometimes it works, sometimnes it doesn’t. Would I trade her,..NO! Would she trade me,…(God I hope not!)
To sum up, stop looking for love, and it will find you (when you least expect it, and aren’t looking for it), and not just you , but “both” of you. Love John Lennon’s take,…”Let it be, let it be, speaking words of wisdom, let it be.” 🙂

October 20th, 2010 | 3:41 am

Let’s get married and sit around with our cats in our tracksuit pants lol.

October 20th, 2010 | 12:22 pm
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