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Sunday Sep 26, 2010

It’s uncanny how every single Sunday afternoon I get a blinding headache. Every single bloody Sunday afternoon. I could draw the correct conclusion that it’s a tension headache caused by the idea of the work week.

However it appears you can buy denial since I love my salary too much to consider changing jobs. God, that’s fucking awful isn’t it?

I’ve reached a point where I’ve worked pretty hard to be where I want to be with my work. So I’m here and all I want to do is take a step backwards. I enjoy what I do generally, I have a kick arse job title and I get a good salary. And I’ve realised I’m a shallow sell out that doesn’t want to give up the shiny things I can get with my job. And that makes me even more miserable. Ugh, I’m too young for a sea change and my rent’s too bloody expensive to do it. Maybe I just need to develop a cheeky valium habit and relax?

So Sabine has left for Western Australia for her sea change. She stayed with me for her last week and it was nice to have company to be honest. We had people over and we went out and it was good. It’s a big thing she’s doing, she’s finished up her job in federal politics, her cat she’s had for a decade is staying with Grams and she’s put everything in storage to do this. I couldn’t, I hate change far too much to move to the other side of Australia to try something new. Either way half the family is over there, and Dad and I are back here. Christmas is going to be a quiet one this year.

I’m at a bit of a loss lately. I don’t know if it’s an official funk, I hope it’s not, all I know is that I don’t want to go out, I don’t care for socialising and even the idea of seeing people I like exhausts me. I’m hoping it’s just because of the stupid hours I’m doing at work. I hope it goes away soon.

Apart from that things are pretty good. The Mark thing has been a blessing to be honest, no longer having that fall back has been a bit of a relief. Now all I need is a make out buddy for the summer and I will be muchos happy. Yesterday I took the day off, I slept in, I stayed in my pyjama’s all day, I cooked, I napped and it was fucking delicious.

Today I went to Lincraft and bought some stuff to make a new dress, then I dropped off the car I’ve been borrowing for the past few months. It’s been so awesome to have had it and I’m a bit sad that I don’t have it anymore. Whether I decide to buy a little car though depends on getting my little farm.

The final loan application went in last week, I’m nervous as hell about it too. I just want my little block of land and I want to put a barn on it and plant some trees and have a weekender away from the city. If the loan’s not successful I will cry. Then I’ll put the idea on the back burner for a little bit, I’ll keep saving and get a bigger deposit and do it the long way. If I get it? Again I’ll cry and then I’ll start looking at barns to put on it, one with a loft bedroom and french doors. Until then I just wait, and feel nervous about it.

I hope everyone’s been well xx


Friday Sep 10, 2010

This is going to be a quick public service announcement.

You may have picked up that I try to keep this here place pretty anonymous, Lucy is a pseudonym as are pretty much the rest of the names here. Real names are used solely because they’re so common that it’d be difficult to link them to the rest of the made up names. I don’t mention where I work or where I live beyond the general area. My twitter account is private because it has my blog address in it and I’m friends with people who are friends with people I know in real life. I do this because:

1: It’s the internet for fucks sake, anything put here is here forever.
2: I quite like having this place to faff about what I’m doing and rant about my little life with a degree of separation from my real life.

I don’t write the gory details here, there’s a lot of personal stuff that goes on that doesn’t make this page because it just doesn’t feel right. Remember Adam? One of my best friends who used to be around here all the time? We had a big falling out about 6 months ago, we work together and it was fucking awful. You didn’t read about it here because it just didn’t feel right to put it out there. That couple of sentences is all you’ll hear about it too. I can’t explain what the delineation point between what I feel is acceptable to put out there and what’s not, but generally I put here things I’d be okay with my close friends reading. I’ve been blogging for nearly 10 years in different places and so far this has worked out for me.

What prompted all this?

Let’s just say that my real life and blog life met in a spectacular mess about a week ago with someone I thought I was close with because of something I wrote about. To me what I wrote was pretty tame, and was written about because it affected me.

Now, here’s how I see it. If I write something here about you and you’re not cool with it let me know. Very simple. When it’s happened once or twice before I’m likely to pull it if it’s warranted and make an effort to not write about you again.

Ending a 5+ year friendship over it is completely your decision. I’ll just think you’re a complete fucking twat for doing it.

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