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birthday drunken trashbag

Friday Apr 24, 2009

It turns out that when I say tomorrow I actually mean the day after tomorrow.


This week has been a wee bit hectic, I’ve got next week off work, there’s a billion projects going on at work, my mother’s been in the state looking after the crippled sister and it was my birthday.


Because I can, you get bullet points –


1.     I have next week off work – it will be glorious and lovely. I’m having a holiday at home, i.e. I’m pottering around at home for a week where the most I do is sleep in, do some gardening, read, bake, go to the library and watch some movies. I.cannot.wait. I am tired and need a bit of a break from work. There’s a lot going on around here and it’s going to get worse so a little breather now will be better for me long term.


2.     There’s a billing projects going on at work – See above, work busy, long days and a lot of consultants coming in. Weird.


3.     My mother came to visit for a week to help Sabine. Sabine is not doing so well with being a cripple in crutches and movement is still limited so she’s had a couple of weeks off. Mum came over for a week to visit and look after her has and pretty much just driven her batty before heading to the pub for the afternoon each day. Pretty much a repeat of our childhood (zing!)


4.     It was my birthday. I had drinks last weekend at Kuletos in Newtown for it and all of the bestest people in the world (i.e. my friends and family) came out. I frocked up, I put heels on, I was motherfucking ready to celebrate.

Then 2 cocktails in Adam  decided to bet that I couldn’t finish the cocktails on the menu. If I could I didn’t have to pay him for the billions of DVD’s he recently bought me on a Bali trip. I’m way competitive and if I can get something for free I totally will. There were 8 per side, and I, in my infinite wisdom, thought that would be a breeze.

Adam just showed me photos he took of the night where there are at least 3 or 4 flashing photos of me (below are a couple of the PG rated ones of me and Sabine) and Beth and Sabine informed me that I apparently started singing the Happy Birthday song. For myself. Even though I don’t sing in public ever. And then I gave a short little speech where I used the f bomb. And I also left my beautiful new Blackberry Bold in the cab on the way home at 3 a.m.


Best birthday ever.







quick birthday and stuff post

Wednesday Apr 22, 2009

I must admit that working on your birthday seriously, seriously sucks balls.

Whenever someone is being mean or bitchy or demanding  even though you want to you aren’t allowed to call a time out “because it’s my birthday.” And you know what? People are way mean and bitchy anyway.

I just wanted to write a quick post as I’ve been uber slack lately. Tomorrow I will post about the cocktail birthday drinks I had where I won a $130.00 and then lost something worth a $1,000.00. I think I  may even have photo’s if this slacker ever gets around to uploading them. Tonight I’m having dinner at Beth’s with my Mum, sister and DJ. Apparently my mother is in charge of bringing the birthday cake. Since I’m a little skeptical of my mother’s levels of responsibilities I made friands last night to bring.

Just in case.


Tuesday Apr 14, 2009

Long weekends, especially 4 day long weekends, should be relaxing and delicious. An Easter long weekend should also involve eating so much chocolate that you want to hurl.


And so I started my long weekend with high expectations of a good weekend, I had a family wedding to go to down in the family heartland (Canberra-ish) and four days off.


I hung out with my Grandma, got a manicure with the bridal party, ate some awesome food, and slept in a little.


Saturday I got suited up for the wedding, I ended up wearing a black suit, I tried on the dress I’d bought for the wedding and fucking hated it. Nothing had changed since I tried it on a week earlier when it arrived but I just couldn’t stand it, so one suit=bought. I chucked on some heels and some make up, I looked pretty awesome.


The ceremony was lovely and the bride’s dress was insanely beautiful (turns out we’re related to a designer in NZ who usually makes couture clothing, she is totally making a dress for me when I get married.)


The reception was great, food was awesome and when the bar tab ran out some blessed person put a couple of grand more on it so the champagne kept flowing. My grandma got up and gave a speech and thankfully did not mention the war or recite any poetry and it was just a very lovely little wedding.


The band is playing, all of the girls wearing heels have kicked them off because we’re classy like that, and then Sabine (my sister) steps on a piece of broken glass someone had dropped.


I have never seen so much blood, like ever, there are pools of the stuff and she wanders off to the bathroom to wash it off as she doesn’t seem to be feeling much pain at that stage (she was a bridesmaid, there was a lot of champagne.)


While washing off her profusely (*retch*) bleeding foot she slips and falls, breaking her ankle on the other foot.


It was bad, there was a million girls in the bathroom all trying to help out and being curious, the event planner is there with a First Aid kit, Sabine melts down and so I ask everyone to clear out of the bathroom. Everyone does, except this one girl who is now trying to bandage Sabine’s bleeding foot. Sabine just wants everyone to leave her alone, and is hurting and is embarrassed and this girl is in Sabine’s face. I ask her to leave again (nicely) (no really, I did ask nicely) she continues to get in Sabine’s face telling her she knows what she’s doing and she’s got to go to the hospital. Sabine officially freaks out and starts pulling away from this girl who is still trying to bandage her foot and hurting her causing her to wince.


I lose it, I tell her to back off, she continues to ignore me and keeps talking to Sabine and bandaging the foot while Sabine is trying to pull away from her.


I officially lose my shit and tell her to back the fuck off, stop touching Sabine and get the fuck out of my face. She does not like this but gets up, she then has a hissy fit about me being a bitch. I tell at her to get the fuck out now before I throw her out. If I wasn’t on the floor holding a bleeding Sabine up I would’ve been in my first fight and just quietly with the adrenaline going I would’ve kicked her arse.


We convince my sister she needs to go to hospital, she does, in her blood spattered bridesmaid dress at 2 a.m. The doctor is a young and bored arrogant asshole who pokes at her severely swollen ankle, and then gives her a local in the other foot right into the cut.


Sabine is not happy.


They bandage her up, we get back to Grandma’s, I get a few hours sleep on the living room floor.


The next day we go back up to the hospital, get some X-ray’s, confirm the ankle is fractured, bandage up the cut foot, and get the hell out of there and come home.


So, since I am highly traumatised by all of the blood and hospitals (I almost fainted at one point with the disinfectant smells and blergh) and Sabine is now at home with a week off with a plaster cast feeling very poorly I think you guys should leave your worst drinking related story (if you were injured even better) in the comments to make her (and me) feel a little better.


Oh, they can totally be things that happened to someone else. Because let’s be honest, it’s always funnier if it happened to someone else…..

trophy of awesome-ness, sophie, bad action

Monday Apr 6, 2009

There are two cat’s currently in my house and I’m slightly concerned for the welfare of them and my apartment when I get home. I’m looking after my sisters cat Sophie and she is not happy about being at my house and has been hiding in my wardrobe hissing and growling at Poppy and me.


She took a swipe at me yesterday, she alternates between meowing at me for pats and growling, often in the same breath. Apparently she was not happy with my patting technique and switched from being smooch to evil.


Poppy also ate Sophie’s food yesterday, Sophie eats the ridiculously expensive little food portions while Poppy normally eats the, you know, normal tinned act food. Apparently she was quite partial to the salmon pate of Sophie’s and is now refusing to eat her usual food so I got to buy more food for her at double the cost.


It is going to be a long week.


The action fun park on Saturday? Terrible. It was more like a family BBQ that Beth and I had gatecrashed.


I went on the toboggan thing and did not enjoy it. It was too fast and I wanted to throw up and wet myself at the same time. I have confirmed that I am in no way a thrill seeker, adrenaline junkie or any other psychotic person who enjoys coming close to dying to feel alive. In fact the 7 year old on the toboggan thing behind me quickly caught up to me and yelled at me to go faster. I politely told him to go fuck himself. Literally, stupid kid.


As I also accidentally smacked a toddler in the head with my shopping basket on Friday night at the supermarket and made him cry (hysterically) this means I yelled at or made cry 2 kids last week.


Standard week really.


After driving for 4 hours to attend the most awkward fun park day EVA I spent the rest of the weekend hanging out and cleaning (and dear God when will I find a cleaner so I do not have to spend another Sunday morning scrubbing my toilet!?!?!)


So yeah, tonight is trying to sweet talk a (normally) lovely cat who is currently channelling Linda Blair in my bedroom. Maybe they’ll be best friends by the time I get home? Maybe? No? Oh.


Our IT department holds a Wii competition, the winner gets a trophy. I stole the trophy from the dude who won it this time and claimed it as my own, apparently because it is now the Trophy of Awesome-Ness and obviously the winner is me.


I really need to either get a life or a serious make out session.

skeazy, shoes, facebook time out

Thursday Apr 2, 2009

For some reason one of the girls in our group is having her 30th birthday party at this place this week so we get to drive a couple of hours south to go and do some ……fun park type of stuff. Why she doesn’t what everyone else does and drink themselves into obliteration I do not know, but I suspect that as I am the biggest girl you will ever meet I will not enjoy the “fun park” action too much.

Next weekend is my cousin’s wedding as well which has come up way too quickly. I received the dress I ordered for it and it’s actually kinda cute, which is lucky. Now all I need to do is buy some mary-jane t-bar style shoes to wear with it and I will sorted.



Speaking of these are the shoes I bought earlier this week. They are beautiful and I especially love the patent leather ones but they hate me and my feet with a burning passion as I have blisters. A lot of blisters and I am totally going to wear them (albeit with stockings and a buttload of band-aids) until they have been beaten into submission because THEY.WILL.NOT.WIN.


DelightfulJen needs some love at the moment as the girl she is completely smitten with, Miss Jones, has been in an accident. She’ll be okay but go give her some love because she needs it and she’s an awesome girl (both Miss Jones and Jen.)

I think that Facebook needs a suspend button so when you’re fighting with someone you don’t have to see their bloody face everytime you log in, but don’t want to go to the extreme of un-friending them. Just as a week or two option where they just go.away.

The awesome little arrangement I have with Mark, i.e. SleepoverBoy, is on an indefinite hiatus at the moment. He’s going on a date this weekend and I don’t do casual making out with a boy who is dating someone, even if it’s a first date or if it never happens again I am a girl who likes monogamy in my sleepover partners in the sense that there are totally people who can do the casual thing with multiple people or with friends or can date multiple people at the one time. I don’t. It makes me feel skeazy to be honest if I don’t know who my partners have been sleeping with.

(Christ, I can’t even do casual casually.)

Also, Mark? He’s an ex and while I am cool with us when it’s on an even keel and we’re all single I do not care to see the dating of someone else up close and personal.

Hence why I want a Facebook Time Out feature implemented because his face is bloody everywhere and I do not want.

PS – I had yesterday off work with a raging headache and slept from 1 p.m. to 6 p.m. and it was the awesome-ness. Except that I couldn’t sleep last night it was totally worth it.

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