The Antilogy |

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Friday Oct 3, 2008

(My font size has gone weird. I’d fix it but it’s after 4 p.m. on a Friday before a long weekend, so suck it up okay)


2 things –




Yesterday one of my all time worst fears came true at work. My all time worst is fucking up something so badly that the company loses a buttload of money and I look incompetent.


The second worst is that I burst into tears, and show the emotionally unprofessional person that I really am to respected bosses. So what happened yesterday in a meeting with my CIO (head of IT for the company)? I burst into tears in the middle of a stock standard work conversation. In his office. In his glass walled office surrounded by all of my colleagues. Serious tears, bloodshot red eyes and ugly face. And then had to explain why I’d burst into tears, which pretty much came down to I suffer from depression and I’d been having a bit of a rough period lately, and sorry. For the tears, and stuff. 


I mean Christ, I know people realise I’m human and all but my work ethic and my work attitude and separating my personal life from my professional life is so very important to me that this was absolutely mortifying and frankly if my boss wasn’t such a decent guy professional suicide.


I wasn’t even UPSET! I’d been feeling great to the past few days, we weren’t even talking about anything stressful, but he admitted he’d been pushing me pretty hard at work and that was enough.


I really am a mess lately and yesterday really scared me because I am so far from being in control of this, and I don’t know how long this instability is going to go on for. I mean I can’t manage this, it’s unmanageable. I’m crying all over the place and it’s really starting to fuck me off. I cannot wait until these new anti-depressants kick in (only another week or so to go) so that things can even out a bit because what next? A complete breakdown? Waking up one morning and being terrified of light switches?


Who knows.




I was reading an article in a magazine today about the stock standard man drought, single women, what men/women want blah blah and something jumped out at me as pretty bang on.


“ For a lot of women, their standards and requirements (or so called needs) are disproportionate to what they have to offer.

They think they are a 9, all their friends tell them they are a 9, so they think they should have a man who is a 9, but all the men (0-10) think they are a 6.

Their sense of self importance clouds their judgment”




Is this mean? Don’t think so. Is it true? Yep.


Beth and I were talking the other week about being single, I enjoy being single but my preference is to be in a relationship. So we were going through things I could do, but wouldn’t, like speed dating and RSVP and stuff (I’m too shy) and then she asked if I was picky. I thought about it for a couple of minutes and honestly answered no.


I know this because of the above quote, I am not a 9 or a 10, so I’m not seeking a 9 or 10.


(Granted, in my own head I believe I am like a 50 bajillion but I also think that spending a whole day in pyjama’s is a great idea so you know take my head thoughts with the grain of salt they’re needed with.)


My friends think I’m a 9 because it’s what you do, I think my friends are the bees knees. But look, I’m overweight, I’m opinionated and bossy and I get shy and get exhausted by social situations most of the time and I enjoy the shows Cops and Jeopardy far too much to be healthy. That ain’t a 10. Plus, except for the lack of naked spoon I kinda like being single.


But there are a hell of a lot of girls out there who in all honesty don’t understand why they’re still single, and stand there going “What’s wrong with the men out there?” rather than realising what they’re doing to remain unhappily single.


Or in another words, bitch please, you’re a 6, stop aiming for the 10’s.


Mr. Guinness:

I think men are always a “6” because we don’t want to count. I live, as you know, in a real wealthy vacation Mecca. Consequently I see “11’s” every bloody day, but 99% of “11’s” are high maintenance, VERY costly to keep, and ultimately are more about themselves than you, your money yes, your love,….no. I have lots of guy friends that will vouch for that. Don’t give up on men you true love will find you.
These are the lyrics to a childrens song from years ago, they have meaning and I used to siong it with my kids. The artist was Marlo Thomas and it’s available on I-tunes if you want to listen, but it makes a lot of sense, hope you enjoy.
“There’s a land that I see where the children are free
And I say it ain’t far to this land from where we are
Take my hand, come with me, where the children are free
Come with me, take my hand, and we’ll live

In a land where the river runs free
In a land through the green country
In a land to a shining sea
And you and me are free to be you and me

I see a land bright and clear, and the time’s comin’ near
When we’ll live in this land, you and me, hand in hand
Take my hand, come along, lend your voice to my song
Come along, take my hand, sing a song

For a land where the river runs free
For a land through the green country
For a land to a shining sea
For a land where the horses run free
And you and me are free to be you and me

Every boy in this land grows to be his own man
In this land, every girl grows to be her own woman
Take my hand, come with me where the children are free
Come with me, take my hand, and we’ll run

To a land where the river runs free
To a land through the green country
To a land to a shining sea
To a land where the horses run free
To a land where the children are free
And you and me are free to be
And you and me are free to be
And you and me are free to be you and me

October 3rd, 2008 | 10:31 pm

From now on I will be Grump sorry to Mark to walk on his parade. Hope you are ok Lucy. xx

October 4th, 2008 | 10:35 pm

Wot? No parades here. You can be whoever.

Re: girls and boys, I’ve noticed that most men are willing to settle for whatever comes their way. Scrags, mutants, Virgos – anything. Girls should be the same. Especially some particular ones I know.

October 5th, 2008 | 7:49 pm

Interesting. I don’t think I’m a 9 or a 10 or anywhere close for that matter, and I’m okay with that.

I’d have to say that I think my boyfriend is a 9 tho (close to a 10 if only he’d get his shit together sometimes lol) Am I bias? Yes, but still! He’s so a 9 lol.

October 6th, 2008 | 6:59 am

Ooh! And what about the reverse tho? The girls that ARE in the higher numbers, going out with losers in the lowers (like REAL lowers) because they think that’s what they are/what they are worth.

October 6th, 2008 | 6:59 am

That must have been a pretty overwhelming experience. I know I have broken down a few times at work when personal and work problems blend and become too much to handle.

I hope you can work through everything and get where you want to be!


October 6th, 2008 | 5:50 pm

You people are truly awesome, your comments were all greatly needed and greatly appreciated. So, thank you very very much.

Normal posts will be coming soon.

October 8th, 2008 | 8:00 pm
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