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Friday Oct 31, 2008

Things I have thought today –


       Why, just because I spent a week in Paris 3 years ago, do I believe I can speak French? I mean, apart from the standard greetings all I know what to do is buy a packet of Marlboro cigarettes, and order a cheese and ham baguette. And while I love smoking and ham and cheese rolls I don’t think I’m going to last very long if that’s all I’ve got.

       That if it is this hot again tomorrow (36 degrees) while I’m helping Beth move house I am liable to fall down at some point and not be able to get up. I do not handle heat and physical exertion very well.

       Speaking of physical exertion (SEGUE!) I am totally making out with an unsuitable boy tonight. 3rd time’s a charm, it’s all locked in. Spoon!

       Why I thought that giving up halfway through straightening my hair, because “fuck it, I can put it up into a ponytail” was a good idea. Note to self – Not a good idea. Today I have half straight hair with weird odd kinky curls poking out.

       I am like a working machine this week. I am efficient, I am hitting goals, I am kicking arse and taking names.

       Why is George always gorgeous and delightfully smooch at inopportune moments, like the minute before I need to leave the house?

       It is hot today, and I am wearing a blouse and I kinda smell.

       Lucky, I went shopping today and bought new tops so I can change before I head to the VODKA BAR! Oh yes, the delightful bar that serves bajillions of different types of vodka.

       The idea of making out with a boy tonight is making me giddy. Because I love you guys, and apparently because I have no shame, I can admit it’s been 6 months. I am a born again virgin. I mean I think I can technically claim my virginity back again at the 6 month mark. Lucky I am hitting all of my goals, in more ways than one (wink wink, nudge, nudge)

       God I am hilarious.

       I have to go drink vodka, have great weekends my loves.


Tuesday Oct 28, 2008

You know people at work who you only talk to over the phone, but you build up a good relationship with?

We have a supplier in Melbourne who I’ve been speaking to daily since I started this job about a year ago. Great guy, funny and helps us out all the time. Bit of an Australian bloke but slightly metrosexual in a ‘I’m not taking it at all seriously”, so very easy to talk to so we chat as friends, I bag him, all good.

Then last week I find out he’s tremendously good looking. Now it’s all awkward because man, how can I tease the man? I get fumbly and bumbly around ridiculously good looking men, it’s just part of my style and so when I found out he was flying to Sydney for lunch with me and our wonderful admin girl I got nervous. Who gets nervous in business meetings and lunches? You chat, you eat, you bullshit, you go back to the office. Easy.

And of course in person he’s even funnier, and he’s all manly and grrr like and dammit I have a crush on a work person again.

Eh, at least it gives me something to do during the day.

It feels like only last month when I decided to stay at home for New Years. Now we’ve got to decide what we’re doing again this year. While Beth was happy to humour me last year in staying at home she’s having nothing to do with me trying to do it again this year so I’m having to go out. Since we’re old enough and wise enough to avoid the city and nightclubs I guarantee we’ll have a house party where I will have a great time but will only get kissed by Beth at midnight. And that’s (thankfully) closed mouth no tongue. So K and I, as the only single girls in the group are making a rule, there has to be new people, gay girls for her, nice nerd boys for me.

That will be a good night that I’m willing to leave my house for.

Oh, and in amazing news I’ve found and bought the dress for this upcoming wedding, it’s cute, it’s simple, it’s nice and it’s what I wanted.

Thank you jebus. 

As a favour to me can no one who I know get married soon? I cannot handle the pressure of the dress search again.


Monday Oct 27, 2008

One of my neighbours appears to be learning how to play the guitar. I know this because they’ve been playing the Smoke on the Water riff for the past hour and a half and I want them to somehow fall onto the guitar and be strangled by the strings.

Highly unlikely but man at least they’d shut up.

I went shopping over the weekend to try and find this damned dress to wear to the upcoming wedding. I didn’t buy a dress.

I did find the dress, exactly as I’d pictured it. In a size 8.

I am not a size 8. So I got bummed out and bought a new bag instead. It’s pretty gorgeous. I named it Sophia.

God, I need a life.

waste of bloody money

Friday Oct 24, 2008

Man this week has flown. Well I was at home on Wednesday not feeling so great so maybe a 4 day week is the way to do it in the future.


My bloody cat George managed to come home last night without his lovely little embroidered tweed collar. The tweed collar that I had made in the US and paid far too much money for to have his name and my number embroidered on to it.


So you know what? Cheap flea collars only. It didn’t even last a bloody month.


Stupid cat.


I’m at work finishing up an outage at the moment which is always pleasant to do on a Friday night. Tomorrow I’ve got breakfast with Beth and the sister, and then shopping for a dress to wear to a wedding for one of my oldest friends in November. As you people know from the last time I had to buy a formal dress (hello Fiji wedding) I get a little but obsessed. And by obsessed I just mean that in my head I have the exact dress that I want to wear and for the life of me it doesn’t seem to actually exist in any of the stores I’ve looked at.


I was even looking at getting it made. This is not healthy for a dress that will be worn for only a few hours for a bloody wedding. But here’s the thing, I’m hoping that if I think about this ideal dress when I go shopping tomorrow I’m going to find it just waiting there for me, in my size.


Positive thinking and all that shizat.


I may get to make out and have spoon with a boy tonight. I’m not holding out though as we all know how crushingly disappointed I was to miss out last weekend.


Anyway lovelies hope you have a great weekend.

so so sad

Monday Oct 20, 2008

I think there’s some kind of brain switch that is clicked on when certain people get into relationships that mean they’re unable to get the concept of a girls night out or boys night out.


The concept should be simple enough, you go out for a period of time with only girls or boys allowed.


So on a boys night only boys are invited and should turn up. There are no wives, girlfriends, friends who are girls. If you have a vagina you’re not allowed. Ditto with girls nights out, if you have a penis you’re not invited.


I know smart people like yourselves will get this, yet why is it that one of our friends was going to join us with her boyfriend and why did Beth, who is a clever girl and bagged the first girl for wanting to bring her boyfriend, call her boyfriend to join us at the end of the night?


It annoys me, this is the first girls night we’ve had in literally years and she was going home to his house that night.


Lame, with a capital Lame.


In other news I did not get spoon this weekend and I do not wish to discuss it because it’s far far too sad.


Friday Oct 17, 2008

(The font thing is still messed up. But it’s Friday afternoon so what chance do you think it’s going to be fixed today?)


This week has been uber productive.


I was extremely put out to realise that though I work hard, it doesn’t appear I’m always working smartly. What is pretty much a massive blow to my ego.


But I’ve made some changes to how I do things and when I do things like I am a morning person and am thinking the most clearly in the morning, yet that was when I would always do ‘easy’ tasks like return emails, or ticket jobs or administration. So in the afternoon when I’d get to the specialist part of my job like research and strategy and stuff my brain is dead.


So I’ve switched all that stuff around and do my specialist stuff in the morning and admin and support in the afternoon. And I am feeling a billion times more productive.


Who knew asking for constructive criticism would be beneficial?


I have a lady date tomorrow with K and Beth. We arranged to go for girls nights once a month, as out of all of our friends K and I are the only ones who are single. So most of the socialising we do is couple style things, there are a lot of BBQ’s, there are

 a lot of nights spent hanging out at other people’s house, when we go out it tends to be to our local pubs and we go away for relaxing weekends.


Now these are all very pleasant and I love the laidback-ness of it all, I am not going to meet new boys at Beth’s house, nor am I going to meet them on our weekends away as K and I end up sharing a room. And K is sharing with a straight girl (me) and I am sharing with a gay girl (K) neither of it helping us to get laid or meet new people.


Hence the girls night, we’ve managed to narrow it down to start at the Opera Bar, end up in Newtown. I mean Newtown is full of gay girls and cute straight boys so it’s win win.


Also I’m road testing one of the many new dresses I’ve bought recently so it should be good.

Beth needs to find a new apartment to move to as her current flatmates are moving out, she was looking at an apartment literally 2 minutes walk from my place this afternoon. It would be awesome if she likes it and gets it to have her just up the road.


(Bummer – it was too small, no best friend across the street.


I bought George a new tweed collar with his name and my number embroidered on it. He looks very distinguished.


(Although if I start dressing him up in clothes and stuff please take me out to the back paddock and put me out of my misery okay?)


Tuesday Oct 14, 2008

Hmm, I forgot to update there for a while…


       I’m smoking again and it causes me no angst or guilt in saying that. Because man did I miss smoking. Why I went back to it as all of the depression stuff was going away I do not know. It is what it is.

       I didn’t end up going to high tea. While things are definitely getting better the idea of having to make small talk with 5 or 6 girls that I went to high school with (and didn’t like them then, still don’t like them now) was just too much. So I went shopping instead.

       I bought a new Blackberry Bold and it is delicious in its black and silvery goodness. It has like this leather back and I love it and I can now read you guys from home without borrowing a laptop and stealing my neighbours wireless connection.

       As an aside, what type of idiot has unsecured wireless in this day and age?

       I have continued my dress buying rampage with another maxi dress. As long as I can feed George and buy cigarettes I’m okay with this.

       The now 6 month drought (oh dear God) is coming to an end this weekend. I am so happy that I am almost giddy about this. I am not getting into who it is with, but I’m sure you can guess that it’s probably not someone I should be sleeping with. But seriously, offer me making out and wrestling and I’m supposed to turn that down how?

       I’m going out on our first ladies night this Saturday, we made a promise that we’d do more girls nights where there is no boys and where the single girls in our group have a chance of meeting new boys (and girls for K.) I’m trialling my dress I bought for an upcoming wedding and it will be awesome.

       Crap, I have to go. More later.


Thursday Oct 9, 2008

I’m still alive, things are getting much better as each day goes by, so this is a very good thing.

In fact the only time I’ve cried in the past few days is reading the final Golden Compass book – oh, when Lyra has to leave Pan at the dock and he turns into the little puppy dog thing, oh I cried and cried. On the train. No shame!

In fact I’m even in the shopping mood again which is a great indicator of my well being. Not my savings account but still a good sign.

This weekend I have an afternoon high tea for one of my closest friends hen’s thing (she is a classy girl and has avoided the oiled up stripper hens night.) Unfortunately most of the girls I went to school with, and don’t care for, will be there. So that’s not great, plus I’ll be there on my own so I’ll have to come up with a plan to either look fantastic and/or project an air of mystery and not talk to anyone except the hen.

How I will do this when I’ll be eating delightful little cakes like these I do not know as I food is in my top 3 favourite things and I’m vocal about delicious things. Hmmm, anyway I need to stop stealing my neighbours wireless to for dresses and go to bed.

Proper post tomorrow I think.


Friday Oct 3, 2008

(My font size has gone weird. I’d fix it but it’s after 4 p.m. on a Friday before a long weekend, so suck it up okay)


2 things –




Yesterday one of my all time worst fears came true at work. My all time worst is fucking up something so badly that the company loses a buttload of money and I look incompetent.


The second worst is that I burst into tears, and show the emotionally unprofessional person that I really am to respected bosses. So what happened yesterday in a meeting with my CIO (head of IT for the company)? I burst into tears in the middle of a stock standard work conversation. In his office. In his glass walled office surrounded by all of my colleagues. Serious tears, bloodshot red eyes and ugly face. And then had to explain why I’d burst into tears, which pretty much came down to I suffer from depression and I’d been having a bit of a rough period lately, and sorry. For the tears, and stuff. 


I mean Christ, I know people realise I’m human and all but my work ethic and my work attitude and separating my personal life from my professional life is so very important to me that this was absolutely mortifying and frankly if my boss wasn’t such a decent guy professional suicide.


I wasn’t even UPSET! I’d been feeling great to the past few days, we weren’t even talking about anything stressful, but he admitted he’d been pushing me pretty hard at work and that was enough.


I really am a mess lately and yesterday really scared me because I am so far from being in control of this, and I don’t know how long this instability is going to go on for. I mean I can’t manage this, it’s unmanageable. I’m crying all over the place and it’s really starting to fuck me off. I cannot wait until these new anti-depressants kick in (only another week or so to go) so that things can even out a bit because what next? A complete breakdown? Waking up one morning and being terrified of light switches?


Who knows.




I was reading an article in a magazine today about the stock standard man drought, single women, what men/women want blah blah and something jumped out at me as pretty bang on.


“ For a lot of women, their standards and requirements (or so called needs) are disproportionate to what they have to offer.

They think they are a 9, all their friends tell them they are a 9, so they think they should have a man who is a 9, but all the men (0-10) think they are a 6.

Their sense of self importance clouds their judgment”




Is this mean? Don’t think so. Is it true? Yep.


Beth and I were talking the other week about being single, I enjoy being single but my preference is to be in a relationship. So we were going through things I could do, but wouldn’t, like speed dating and RSVP and stuff (I’m too shy) and then she asked if I was picky. I thought about it for a couple of minutes and honestly answered no.


I know this because of the above quote, I am not a 9 or a 10, so I’m not seeking a 9 or 10.


(Granted, in my own head I believe I am like a 50 bajillion but I also think that spending a whole day in pyjama’s is a great idea so you know take my head thoughts with the grain of salt they’re needed with.)


My friends think I’m a 9 because it’s what you do, I think my friends are the bees knees. But look, I’m overweight, I’m opinionated and bossy and I get shy and get exhausted by social situations most of the time and I enjoy the shows Cops and Jeopardy far too much to be healthy. That ain’t a 10. Plus, except for the lack of naked spoon I kinda like being single.


But there are a hell of a lot of girls out there who in all honesty don’t understand why they’re still single, and stand there going “What’s wrong with the men out there?” rather than realising what they’re doing to remain unhappily single.


Or in another words, bitch please, you’re a 6, stop aiming for the 10’s.


Wednesday Oct 1, 2008

Just a quick post as I have a splitting headache that is kinda making me a little nauseous.


There are two explanations for the headache.


One is the official sanitised version – I smacked my head on the soap dish in the shower.


The sanitised one is detailed but has been true as I have smacked myself on the soap dish in my shower more than once and given myself splitting headache’s before. With any good lie it needs to be believable and easy to remember. Tick and tick.


The second actually true explanation – Last night while….uh….being the master of my domain, at a certain crucial end point I had what I thought may be a stroke, but appears to have been just an O induced headache.


This headache is either a sign from God that I shouldn’t self-love anymore. Or I truly did have a stroke, and in that case you guys have been the best damned commenter’s that I could ever wish for.


Who knows…..

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