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Monday Sep 29, 2008

          I am still alive.  I just took a few days off last week to clear my head and go to ground.


          I also went back to my doctor and she’s changed my anti-depressants to something a wee bit stronger as my old stuff didn’t appear to be working any more.


          My doctor gave me the best compliment by telling me I was tall. I am all of 5’3 so thank you crazy German doctor, you must have midget genes.


          I am feeling so, so, so much better I can’t even describe it. I even teased Adam about his horrible sunglasses this morning. I know when I have the energy to tease Adam then I am doing a-okay.


          (They are truly horrible though.)


          I’ve been reading Indy since I started blogging on Blogspot. I think he has a great page and I always enjoy reading his man-posts, but one of his latest posts states that George would be considered a red flag or as baggage to some men. And by men I mean men who would be previously have been interested in dating me, but would scarper once they knew I had a cat.


Rrrriiigghht. Look I have no doubt that for certain men a single girl with a cat (or dog) is seen in a stereotypical negative way. But if you’re scared off by whether I have a pet then I’m sorry but if it’s not that then you’re going to be scared off by the way I eat, or the way I wear my scarf, or the way I take my coffee or my relationship with my friends or how I laugh. And frankly I’d prefer not to be with someone so high maintenance. I mean fuck, it’s George, he is awesome.


And Beth thinks I’m picky…..


Tuesday Sep 23, 2008

So I’m not going to write about work today, because writing about work is boring for both you and me. Plus work hates me so much all it does it make me stressed and go foetal and want to cry and frankly who wants to hear about that? What I will say is I’m not sure my place is here anymore and I don’t know what to do.


So I had Friday off last week, I needed a day off as I wasn’t well. I needed to be at home and have some quiet and rest.


I had a good weekend though, Saturday I was up early again and did the 7km Bay Run (I walk it, my body is not ergonomically designed for running), went for breakfast, got a haircut, had a shower, hung out with Beth, got frocked up, started drinking.


I hadn’t had more than a couple of drinks since I quit smoking nearly 2 months ago. As I think I drank my body weight in beer on Saturday Sunday morning was a little bit rough.


I also didn’t meet my second objective for the weekend which was to make out with a boy. Alas, I will have to try again this weekend.


It was a lovely day though, Saturday was 30 degrees and our first properly hot day of Spring. And if that’s not cause for beer and dresses then I don’t know what is.


I haven’t been having a great run of things lately, and I’m just trying to keep a low profile and ride it out. But my friends are worried about my hermit like self lately and are trying to get me to come out more, or don’t realise that offering support is nice, but I’d prefer to just be left alone for a little while. Or to not initiate conversations about how I am while I’m at work and stressed out. Support is useless if it’s not sensitive or time appropriate or if it’s done when you feel like talking about it. I would just like a couple of weeks off, away from work stress, and this feeling so I can let this funk peter out. Gah, I’m babbling.


Anyway, I’m leaving on time today so I’m out.


Thursday Sep 18, 2008

I am not having a great time lately.


To quote from a song that still makes all fiery and grrr, “ I feel stupid and contagious.”


I just feel very awkward in stuff, and I don’t really know how to quite fix it or be more social or exercise more, or go out more, or not feel like a 5th wheel at work where I feel useless and not needed.


I wrote an email to Beth yesterday where my sole plans for this week were to speak to my doctor about increasing the anti-depressant dosage I’m on, and to drunkenly make out with a boy this weekend.


I think these are achievable.


I’m heading home, will update properly tomorrow.


Friday Sep 12, 2008

Just quickly…..


This morning George fell in the toilet.


Poor baby. But if he comes anywhere near me tonight where it looks like he may lick me I may freak out.


Also today after the work week of not pleasant I came back from lunch today to find a delivery from one of our managers in Adelaide who I’d been helping with a wonky Blackberry. It was an odd problem and took me a week or so to fix it.


It was a thank you note and box of chocolates for me.


So thank you Mel from one of our SA offices, I love you and thank you for reminding me that work can sometimes be very satisfying and the people grateful.


Also I got an e-mail from the awesome R.A.T asking a question about something I’d written here. Because I am massively nosy and constantly want to ask questions of bloggers like –


          How on earth does Estrella keep up her social life without collapsing in a pile of exhaustion?

           Why is Mark single still, i.e. what’s wrong with him in real life because he seems a catch in blog life?

          Where, oh where, has Paul gone?

          Where did R.A.T. find a bearded man and where can I get one?

          Is Kass’ hair naturally that gorgeous red? And if so why is she the only red headed person that I like?


I’m opening up the comments to any nosy questions you have to ask, and I promise I won’t yell at you and won’t be offended and will answer any and all.


(And if I don’t answer one it will be for a very good reason which I’ll provide.)


Anyway kids, have a great weekend.


Thursday Sep 11, 2008

I think I burst something in my head today. You know at work when you get so mad that you need to fight the urge to get up and either resign or shout?


And then something kinda twitches or gives way in your head, and for a split second you think you’ve had a stroke?


Oh, that’s just me then?


Needless to say, I love my job. I enjoy the work I do and I love that I know enough stuff about a particular branch of IT to be called a specialist on it and get paid an awesome wage.


And other times I hate it. Like the past couple of weeks.


If I have one more time where I find out about other projects or work that is being done on systems and applications that fall underneath the umbrella of voice (which is my job) and I’m not involved with it I may just have that stroke/aneurysm.


Because of this past week or so at work for me, and for the past week for Beth and friends, we’re going out this weekend. We will dress up in frocks, we will drink a lot and try and shake it all off.


I also plan to make out with a gorgeous bearded man.


Unless there’s a gorgeous bearded man reading who wants to make the making out a regular thing? Then they can just e-mail me.


Tuesday Sep 9, 2008

Right, things are a little bit better this week at work, in that I don’t want to resign anymore. So that’s good.


I drank for the first time over the weekend, not a lot which was weird, only a few drinks. I had a couple of herbal cigarettes on Saturday night, which tasted odd. But no real cigarettes. Then on Sunday I hung out with the sister and Dad for Father’s Day, both of them are smokers and still no smoking for me.


I am a quitting rock star. For the first time I actually feel confident that I can do this. I haven’t before now so that’s a good thing.


The kids are not doing well with the unemployment thing. They’re both workaholics and really loved their jobs so they’re both still quite numb about what in the hell they do if they’re out of work. I’m taking a day off this week to hang out with Beth and help with the first week so that should be nice.


On Saturday night at DJ’s house for drinks I was speaking with LongHairedTattooedBoy (he’s DJ’s flatmate, who is Beth’s boyfriend). Turns out he has a girlfriend now so there goes that spooning option.


If I didn’t think he was such a nice guy who deserves a great girlfriend I’d be annoyed.


Plus he brought me back Twizzlers from his recent US trip so I can’t hate him too much. (Two flavours! Strawberry and Cherry!)


One of my oldest friends Bec is getting married in November and I finally bought a dress to wear to the wedding. It’s a semi formal dress code and it’s an afternoon wedding so I bought this gorgeous black (she okayed the colour before I bought it) dress.  I’ll take a photo tonight and load it tomorrow.


And I got another dress delivered I bought off Ebay last week. Gorgeous! –

(I told you I have a dress buying addiction now)


George has finally settled down a bit, I think he’s accepted the de-bollocking and is no longer as psychotic as he’s been for the past fortnight. At least he sleeps through the night now so now I do too.


So yep, things are going well.


So yep, things are going well.


Friday Sep 5, 2008

What a day. My best friend works (worked, I suppose) for our (just resigned) premier . So her, and a couple of our other friends, are now unemployed.


I fear there will be a lot of drinking and crying tonight. Stupid politics.


Because everything is apparently all about me I’m scared of drinking and it being messy, and those guys smoking (because I think when you’re suddenly out of a job that’s probably an out clause for the quitting) and gah, I’M NOT READY FOR DRINKING YET!


(To the person who just had the thought, “just don’t drink then” the door is that way ->, don’t let it hit you on the arse on the way out…..)


Anyway, I’m out. Keep your fingers crossed for me. Or send strong vibes and all.


Have a great weekend.


Wednesday Sep 3, 2008

I’m not having a great week, work wise anyway.


I’m starting to doubt that I have any idea, any clue or any knowledge on how to do my job properly. Hell, do my job even half way decently.


 I just have a huge amount of work to do and I’m supposed to do it on my own, and the higher up’s keep piling on the pressure and I’m thinking I’m about to crack under it.


I mean fuck. The options here are –


1.       I stop sleeping.

2.       My brain explodes.

3.       I get a full time person to help out.

4.       People realise I’m just one person and looking after 2000+ staff can be kinda hectic, let alone 4000+.


Now, personally I’m not a big fan of 1 or 2 because you know how I like my sleep, and I’ve finally got a hairstyle I’m happy with so an exploding head would suck. Either 3 or 4 would be nice. Likelihood of 3 or 4 happening? Low.


I’m in the angry stage of grieving over quitting at the moment. I’m angry that I had to quit, I’m angry that I even started so I have to go through this stupid bloody hard quitting, I’m angry that quitting is so hard and I’m angry at never being able to have a cigarette.


All of these are not quite logical but they’re there all the same.


I bought another dress today. Seems I’m replaced one bad habit with another as I’ve bought 4 new dresses in the past week. Poor, poor credit card.


Anyway, it’s lunch time so I’m out.

crazy cat lady

Monday Sep 1, 2008

Man, I just sneezed 4 times in a row and now I’m all stuffy and tired.




So it’s been a while since I posted last but I was all entertained with the comments from the vagina post. Who knew that airbrushing vagina’s would be so interesting.


So last week was Week Three of the great quitting fiasco. I’m still cigarette free. In fact I was searching underneath the couch last week for the millions of cat toys I buy for George which he enthusiastically bats underneath the couch. And found a cigarette. And a lighter.


Because I sometimes display the will power of a rock, this cigarette and lighter have been sitting on my coffee table for the past 5 nights.


Other times I would sell a relative to be able to have one more cigarette.


Quitting sucks.


Last week was also D-Day for George. And by D-Day I mean going to the vet to have his balls cut off. Poor baby.


I worked from home so I could drop him off and pick him up and he was so trusting, and got into the cat basket all fine and was quiet and well behaved. And I dropped him off at the vet and burst into tears.


I don’t know when I became this pathetic cat lady, but I think crying over your cat puts you into this category.


But he trusts me, and I took him there and they gave him 5 or 6 needles and castrated him and I let them. I still feel awful.


I feel even worse because the damned cat is not in any way shape or form changed by no longer having balls. They’re supposed to be better behaved or less testosterone-y. To that I say he now barely sleeps at night and I get woken up a few times each night by George sitting on my pillow staring at me from centimetres away. And not in an endearing “Oh, look, mama’s sleeping, how nice” way but in a “lady, you let them take my balls. And for that you will pay” way.


And he still attacks my ankles when I’m hanging out the washing, and he still destroys toilet paper and paper towels.


Stupid lying vets.


In other news I finally left the house Saturday afternoon. When I quit smoking I gave myself a month where I wouldn’t drink or pretty much do anything that would make me want to smoke. As pretty much everything makes me want to smoke this means I’ve stayed at home like a hermit. Except for work and for groceries I have left the house a grand total of once in the last 3 weeks and that was to have breakfast by myself in Newtown. So Beth made me come out for an afternoon shindig on Saturday because she was worried about me, and my muscles atrophying.


It was nice, there was champagne and cupcakes, and people, and I had to put on fancy clothes. And by fancy I mean there weren’t tracksuit pants.


But since this weekend is 4 weeks since I quit it means I have to go out. And there will be a party at DJ’s house (Beth’s boyfriend) and there will be drinking, and dear God I don’t know how I will get drunk and not smoke.


Maybe I just don’t drink then?


Ha ha! Sorry, that was funny. Should be interesting.

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