The Antilogy |

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Friday Jun 27, 2008

 Because last weekend was so busy I am doing as little as possible this weekend. My library’s been closed for some reason or other for the last month or so and I haven’t read a book in a week or two. I don’t like it. If it’s still not open I’ll watch DVD’s, I might even plan for another muscular atrophy sloth weekend.


So, did you know boys are still doing the feigned disinterest thing? Like the boys in kindergarten who picked on you secretly liked you? Yeah, apparently that still goes on.

The Long Haired Tattoo Boy has been asking friends about me, and asking where I am if I’m not out with everyone else. Yet when I see him or contact him I get this disinterest.

Now, I don’t see any difference between feigned disinterest and actual disinterest, mainly because I don’t play hard to get with people so I don’t like it when people play the same with me. Because he appears to be interested, yet playing it cool.

Seriously, all it takes boys is – “Lucy, I dig you and want to be your girlfriend.”

That’s it. That’s all it takes and you will get into my heart, and pants (assuming I like you of course.)


My friends are awesome.

I did always know this, but sometimes someone from outside the group makes a comment that you’re all pretty tight and it makes you go, yep, they be family.

Like Beth, there are two defining moments to our friendship –

          When we used to share an apartment I was sleeping with a boy. Who had a girlfriend. Indeed one of my worst moments. But I never told Beth about this, or spoke with her about it even though he’d be there in the morning. I told her about it a year later and she told me she knew, but said that her need to know details was completely overridden by my place in the big mess and she knew that I’d come to her when I was ready.

          The second was just after high school finished, I’d worked so very very hard during my senior years and was waiting on hearing if I’d been accepted to do the law degree I wanted. We were away for schoolies week, sharing a house with 20 other kids from school. One afternoon in the middle of everyone my Dad called from home, saying a letter had come from the uni and that I’d been accepted. Two years of stress, and hard work and worry and sheer utter relief came out and I burst into tears in the middle of all of these people. And all of them were congratulating me, but I was so embarrassed and no one was hugging me or physically comforting me. Then Beth walked into the room, saw me and came over with a tissue, gave me a big hug, wiped the tears and I knew she’d sensed all of that and knew what I needed.

The other kids? I love them, there’s K, the lesbian who came to Fiji and shared a room with me and is essentially me but in different body (she’s Catholic, from a small country town and likes the girls – I’m a heathen, from a farm and like boys.) DJ, Beth’s boyfriend who has raised himself up in my opinion so much since he first started seeing Beth, he is my personal cheer squad when it comes to boys, he doesn’t understand why I’m single (and not in a smug couple way) and curses boys on my behalf.

MormonHousewife is my rock, she’s taken a completely different route to me – married at 19, house owner, two children by 26. And having that sounding board when one of us has had a bad day and knowing that the grass is not always greener is so valuable.

My odd measure for a great person is if when we’re driving and need to stop suddenly they put out their arm across me. All of the important people in my life do it, and if you’re a boy who digs me and you do it? I will marry you.


I was thinking about writing a cast list of people for this page, but then I thought that was lame. Since I know everyone though that I write about (except Daniel Craig – Hi Daniel, I love you.) I don’t know if I’m ever not clear or vague about who people are or what they’re connection is to me.

So, should I write a cast list?


I bought a new cardigan. It’s gold and cream, apparently there is a fashion rule for no sequins during the day time. I am a rule breaker. With no fashion sense.

Actually this photo makes it looks like I’ve attacked it with a Bedazzler. I assure you no Bedazzlers have been used in the making of this cardigan.


So this Pope weekend is coming up in Sydney soon (World Youth Day where hundreds of thousands of people come and do Christian-ish things.) (I’m a heathen, I do not know what goes on.) and me and my lapsed Catholic friends are getting the hell out of town.

So far we’re hiring a house in the Hunter Valley where we will hole up for the weekend with a lot of booze, food and board games. It is going to be awesome.


I should head home now, I hope you guys have great weekends.



Tuesday Jun 24, 2008

Things I should not do –


          Bake a batch of biscuits and eat the whole damn batch (at my heaviest I’ve been in a good 5 years, nuff said.)

          Drink as much coffee as I do. Adam has given up coffee though recently and he is one grouchy man so maybe this is a good thing.

          Listen to Jeff Buckley and Snow Patrol when I’m feeling down.

          Look at my exes Facebook page (but seriously, who has open profiles on Facebook anymore?)

          Keep buying vintage Oroton jewellery from ebay.

          Wait an hour and a half at my doctors (even though I made a bloody appointment and turned up 5 minutes early they let 2 people go before me WHO DID NOT HAVE APPOINTMENTS) for a simple prescription renewal of my pill. My birth control pill. So I waited an hour and a half on a freezing winters night for a pill that is essentially bloody useless as I am getting no low down love whatsoever.


Things I will not do –


          Have showers in the morning. I’ve spoken about how much morning shower people are disgusting people who are dirtying up their sheets every night by going to bed unclean before (No really, you’re foul.) I simply cannot go to bed at night without having had a shower in the last few hours.

          Have a one night stand. Tried it, a couple of times just to be sure, and it’s not my thing. It’s kind of like tasting this awesome new dessert, like a cheesecake, but you only get to eat it once. And then NONE FOR YOU! That sounds like a really crap deal doesn’t it?

          Get my hair cut by a man called Eduardo again. He gave me a haircut that a suburban hairdresser called Cheryl would have. I came home, cried and drank wine it was that bad.

          Do regular 12 hour shifts at work anymore. No more thank you very much.

          Run marathons. Weirdo’s.


Ps – Weekend was fun, maxi dress was a great idea for the party, got platonic spoon, had a fight with the very annoying young kid who has a crush on me and watched Daniel Craig in the Bond movie – Holy dear jebus that man is beautiful, call me Daniel k?


Friday Jun 20, 2008

I’ve got a day off today, I’m doing mortgage type stuff with the pappy. We’re going on a road trip to look at a possible investment property.

Mortgage stuff bites. I mean sure, take my money for the next 30 years, take away my shopping budget!

In other news, I’m not at work?

Big weekend, new haircut tomorrow , Beth’s birthjday bash Saturday night with the Facebook boy. Hopefully, more spoon!


Anyway Dad’s just jumped in the shower so I’m going to duck outside and sneak a cigarette. He won’t let me smoke until I’ve had breakfast. I smoke when he’s in the shower. Win win!


Tuesday Jun 17, 2008

Continuing the theme of great things interspersed with crap things I got to the train station this morning in 5 minutes. Good right, I mean that’s a personal best for me.


Crap thing is I made it that fast because I was running late and so I ran to the station. I, Lucy Antilogy, Ran. I ran. If I were to say these words out loud I’d retch a little as I said them. But in a good thing it was still dark when I did my desperate, overweight, smoker lungs, unfit run to the station.


It also took me about 10 minutes to recover. There was some heaving and gasping.


But wow, did I cover a lot of ground quickly.


I appear to have lost my work mojo, and I’m quite worried that I’m not particularly worried. All motivation to do any extra work or documentation or anything kind of pro-active at the moment is gone. Kaput. I imagine it will come back soon. I hope so anyway, I do quite like my job.


So it appears I’m fat. Well, let me clarify that my mother made the remark that I’d put on weight. Thank you Captain Obvious. Hence the running this morning, and the wearing of the pedometer, and the climbing of the bloody stairs at work instead of taking the lift. Let me tell you , being lazy is so much nicer and more pleasant. Sure it has its downside (see above chubby comment) but man those lifts sure are nicer than the stairs.


I’ve been getting emails from my niece (read: my cousin’s step daughter but seriously? She’s totally just my niece.) Every job that I start at she makes me give her a business card. And then I get phone calls from her that go like this –


Soph: “Hi Lucy! I just got home from school, and I did PE, and then I beat up someone, and now I’m just home eating a peanut butter sandwich watching Power Rangers! What are you doing?!”


She is delightful, and below is her latest email.


hey lucy i went to bed at 4 and i was not tired at all i am always good and i was very happy to see you too have fun at work see you soon when you comin down next hope to have fun with u too


See how she uses too correctly! This is why I love her.


(Ignore the other bad grammar, she’s nine for Gods sake)


I had a coughing fit today while having a teleconference. Definition of awkward – talking when you can’t breath and you’re hacking like an 80 year with emphysema. Hot.


Anyway I have to go do stuff, work stuff. You know.


Monday Jun 16, 2008

I’m quitting smoking in August. Having my 5th chest infection in 6 months last month was the final straw. Developing another infection in the last couple of days has only reaffirmed this decision. It’s odd, I watched my grandfather die of emphysema and being on an oxygen tank for the last 3 months of his life and it wasn’t enough motivation to stop. But come early August no more smoking. It should be okay, as a vain vain girl I’m concerned about putting on weight. As a resourceful girl I will find a way to suck it up and be thankful I’m fatter but a non-smoker.


This weekend I was a domestic goddess, and by goddess I mean cooked dinner for the family. Mum flew in Saturday night before flying out again Sunday and I made osso bucco. It was delicious and I say that completely objectively. De-lish-us.


I also took a nap yesterday while watching the movie Se7en. You know the kind of dreams you will have If you fall asleep to this movie? Seriously messed up dreams. Also sexy dreams involving Brad Pitt.


George managed to behave while everyone was over Saturday night but to show his displeasure that his house was overrun by strangers he peed on my bathmat and destroyed another roll of toilet paper (Double Length!)


As payback I bought him a hot pink flea collar and made him wear it.


George – 0

Lucy – 1


Friday Jun 13, 2008


These photos are what I like to call anatomy of an attack.


A slightly provoked attack, I admit, but still he made me bleed!


The first is what I call George in Repose.

The second is what I call Mildly Perturbed George

The third in the series is Out and Out Pissed George.

The fourth and final photo is what I call my scratched hand.


For a 4 day week it’s seemed like a very long bloody week. This could be because I just had Chinese for lunch and I am in the middle of a particularly fierce carb coma but who knows these things.


It is also fiercely windy today, as we all know that makes me insanely cranky. Although it’s doing good things for the hair – positive.


Tonight I’m hanging out at the BeardedMan’s house to drink beer and play Super Mario Bros. This is an ideal night, the only thing that could top it is being able to do it in my pyjama’s and maybe finishing it with spoon. But this’ll do, I suppose.


I’ve been troubleshooting this problem with a PDA with the same woman for the past half hour and I’m about to hang up on her just so I don’t have to hear her vague conversation. Here’s the thing, if your PA is borderline technically retarded please for the love of god don’t put her in charge of calling me to fix it. Because I will hate her and you for putting me through this. I like speaking with people who openly say, ”This may be a silly question but…”. Not a silly question! There are no silly question. What I think is silly and downright fucking annoying is people who will go ahead and try something rather than calling me up and saying, “Hey, stupid question but what happens if I do this?”


God, I really don’t like this woman, it’s been an hour now.


Okay, she’s gone now.


My mother flies in from interstate this weekend for a night before she heads over to Canadia for her annual holiday. Everytime she flies out I ask if she’s going to bring me back a new step-dad. I only half kid. One of my mothers oldest friends recently broke up with her insanely wealthy QC husband to run off to Canadia and marry a ranch hand. Should be interesting.


I (praise be jesus) have my beauticians appointment tomorrow morning. I don’t know what I’m doing to do to celebrate no longer being a yeti but it’s going to be sweet, and smooth.





long post

Tuesday Jun 10, 2008

So, I’m sure you were able to tell that I did not have fun last week and was worried enough about my mood that I thought the anti-depressants I’m on had stopped working. It was two parts, the first just a general bad mood. The second I’m slightly hesitant about writing here because I think the person it relates to reads here.


Essentially I fell for an awesome boy, a nice boy, and he had a girlfriend. He met said girlfriend quite close to when I met him and I was angry that maybe if the timing had been different there would be a boy.


I spent the last 4 years in a quasi thing with this boy, I loved this boy a lot but it was only casual and I spent far too long hoping that feelings would change.


You can write the ending of that story without even hearing it, yes?


So, when I realised that I dug this boy I decided  that I couldn’t be friends with him any longer because it was hard to have a platonic friendship with someone when your feelings aren’t platonic. So yeah, that was the e-mail and the subsequent pity party this weekend.


The situation has been disheartening because I tried so hard to choose a better boy to fall for, and I definitely succeeded. This boy is awesome, and smart, and funny and lovely. So that’s a positive. It’s just that even when you try something different and the outcome is the same it’s so very frustrating and enough to cause you to go, well since you’re the only common factor here kitten you must be pretty shit.


So yes, that’s been the last week.


The long weekend was lovely, I did all that I said I would I stayed in my pyjama’s all day Saturday and only changed out of them Saturday night to change into a clean pair. I watched the Bond movie with Daniel Craig and actually gasped out loud a few times because wooh lord that man encompasses all that is sexy (throw down!)


I watched 27 Dresses which I incidentally borrowed off the LongHairedTattooedBoy I had naked spoon with a couple of months ago. It was lovely (the movie and spoon.)


I baked biscuits, Betty Crocker biscuits and uhhh, may have eaten the whole batch.


Sunday I had breakfast with Beth and talked a lot. Monday me and 6 or 7 girlfriends went and saw the Sex and the City movie. If you’re a girl go see it. It was awesome and funny and heartbreaking and just a good movie.


Also I discovered that while every girl deep down thinks that they’re Carrie, I don’t know one Carrie. I looked at all of my girlfriends and realised we’re a mix of Miranda’s and Charlotte’s. My sister is Charlotte, Beth is Charlotte mixed with Miranda, and the rest of us are Miranda’s.  I’m pretty much Miranda to a tee.


George is doing my head in, I mean he needs to get desexed (which yes, I’m aware I should have done before now) because he’s just a boy cat who likes to be destructive. I mean remember what he used to look like? So teeny and gorgeous and itty.




Sunday morning I woke up to 2 whole shelves of my books pulled out of the bookcase and covered in George teeth marks. And 2 full rolls of (DOUBLE LENGTH!) toilet paper scattered around my house. Do you realise how much toilet paper is in a double length toilet roll, let alone 2? It was everywhere and looked like it had snowed. He hadn’t just pulled it off all cute like, he’d decimated it and chewed and played with and thrown it all about.


George was curled up on a pile at the end of my bed sleeping peacefully, I would’ve taken a photo but I was too busy trying to kill that goddammit cat.


He is gorgeous but he is still the male cat equivalent of me – wilful, disobedient and irritating. So I’m researching vets to cut his bits off so he will calm the fuck down.




The only redhead I like with an awesome fringe Kass tagged me on a memo. Because I like her and want her hair I’ve actually done it! Medal please!




The Lychee Martini’s served at the Marlborough bar and Kuleto’s have been the cause of very interesting nights, good and bad.

They are delicious, I drink more than I should and if that’s not the purpose of a good drink then I do not know what is.




Hmm, I’m a big foodie. And by big foodie I mean I like eating. You don’t get an arse this size by dieting, now do you?


So, favourite food I like to go out for? Pretty much anything in Newtown, great food, huge variety, non pretentious and let’s face it a $10 cab ride home for me when I’ve eaten and drank too much.




I wear make up each day but I’ve pulled back on my usual stuff, I used to do foundation, powder, cream blush, eyeshadow and mascara. Now I’m lazy and only do foundation and blush. But I’ve found that my lips are the first to feel the dry and cold of winter so I swear by the Body Shop’s Lipscuff. It looks like a lipstick but is essentially an exfoliatant for lips, it’s got almond shell stuff to exfoliate and yummy moisturising stuff like beeswax to get rid of any dry skin and moisturise. If you’re still bitter that you no longer receive a 50% discount on Body Shop stuff because there’s this technical detail that you no longer work there use an old toothbrush to exfoliate, does the same thing and cheap!



I have no style, I am uncool and chubby so even the clothes that I love don’t always come in a size 16. Glebe Markets, every Saturday morning are awesome though for handmade jewellery and vintage clothes.



I just saw Wordplay, a documentary about the New York Times crossword puzzle, and the annual contest for it. Awesome, geeky and I loved it.



Dear baby Jesus, I just read My Sisters Keeper by Jodie Picoult over the weekend. Worst timing ever because this book broke my heart. I avoid bestselling books at the time they’re best selling because I’m a snob. Unless it’s Harry Potter I refuse to be sitting on a train surrounded by a bajillion people reading the same book as me. But lord, this was great and sad.

better days

Friday Jun 6, 2008

This week has been horrendous and atrocious, in most ways.


Work has been busy. This weather has successfully drained my will to get out of bed in the morning and being all menstrual and depressed means it hasn’t been fun. I had to make a very bloody hard decision, a good decision granted, but not an easy or enjoyable one.


In fact I sent an email yesterday, went and cried in the bathroom and then went shopping. Because my coping mechanisms fall into three categories – sleeping, eating and shopping.


Enjoyable yes, good for the wallet or waistline? No.


Today I am feeling a little better, I have my new cardigan on (I’m trying to find a photo but I can’t find the damned thing, rest assured it’s cream and black and it looks Chanel-esque and I love it so much I feel like I should name it) (Ooh photo! Pretty!) (The cardigan, I mean) (Sorry about so much face and not enough cardigan, turns out trying to photograph just a cardigan means just a photo of my boobs. And while they’re awesome they’re not for the innernet) and there is a long weekend this weekend.




Oh, here are my gumboots. Are they not gorgeous?


It’s been raining solidly since Sunday and it’s really starting to depress me, it’s dark and raining when I leave the house at 6:15 a.m. It’s dark and raining when I leave work. It’s been windy so my hair has been positively shit this whole week. It’s also been freezing so all I’ve wanted to do is hibernate.


In fact I must confess I had a full blown tantrum yesterday morning. I was walking to my office, it was not yet 7, I hadn’t had my coffee, it was cold, it was raining and then a fierce wind blew up and my umbrella went inside out. I swore and struggled with my umbrella rallying against the unfairness of the world where I CAN’T EVEN GET TO WORK UNMOLESTED BY RAIN AND WIND! Twas not a good day yesterday.


I also have found out I have no plans for tomorrow so I’m going to spend the day on the couch, in my tracksuit pants and George watching DVD’s. I plan to get out of bed, move to the lounge, occasionally move to the kitchen to make coffee and food, have a nap on the lounge, curl up with George, watch some DVD’s and maybe change out of my pyjama’s about mid afternoon and then think about dinner.


And try not to get bed sores. It’s going to be AWESOME.


Sunday, breakfast is about all I have planned. Monday, seeing Sex in the City. As you may be able to see there is a lot of mooching time in between any activities.


If you need me, I’ll be at my house on the lounge.


Monday Jun 2, 2008

My tongue hurts.


It appears that drinking half of a bottle of pear vodka (thank you Absolut) and then a six pack + of Crown Lagers does not mix well and causes your mouth to feel like someone took a cheese grater to it.


I ended up stumbling home at 4 a.m. Sunday morning after the 40th birthday party. 4 in the am. I’ve normally had 6 hour sleep by that time so I was not well Sunday. In fact the most I could do was have a nap on the drive back to Sydney and eat Hungry Jacks. God bless the Whopper with cheese.


It was cold this weekend, when I was heading home it was minus 2. This is not right. I mean yes, it is winter. But minus degree anything makes me want to crawl into a bed made with flannelette sheets. Ooh flannel.


I also am now the proud owner of leopard print gumboots/wellingtons. They are gorgeous, warm and I love them. And this week it’s predicated to rain all week. Awwright.


George practically leapt at my head yesterday when I got home after being away since Friday. Beth came over on Saturday and fed him, but he ran away from her so poor baby was alone for a couple of days. He celebrated my return by sleeping on my head. Hard to breath yes, but nice to have him around.


This long weekend is going to seriously seriously delicious. There will be shopping, and napping, and documentary watching (I watched a documentary of the New York Times crossword puzzle last night – riveting. No, really.) and drinking. Oh and trying to find a club that is having an Brit Pop/Indie music night so my sister and I can go and pretend it’s the mid to late 90’s again and that we still have a semblance of cool. Because we are awesome like that.


Oh, I also bought a pair of red and white spotted Jiffies. Again, the denial that I am 27 and closer to 30 than 20.


Also, just quietly 27 is really going well. I may not be getting laid, I may share my bed only with a cat and be the heaviest I’ve been in a long time but things are still really good.


Because when Australia’s Next Top Model and Project Runway is in your life you know things are a-okay after all.


How was your weekend?

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