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Saturday Jul 28, 2007

Point 1 – I do not like flying.

Point 2 – Melbourne is cold.

Point 3 – Yesterday was a long day.

The flying thing is a real pain in the arse. I’m okay with the take off and the actual flying, and even the mild turbulence. I fucking hate the landing. See, I have a new strategy that when the flight is bumpy I check the flight attendants to see if they look worried – if they’re not worried I’m not worried.

But the landing? Those attendants are all strapped in and not around. So if I’m flying alone and have no bloody flighties to reassure me I just sit there and plan my imminent demise, no really, because that lurch surely was a wing falling off, and that noise was definitely the engines cutting out.

Did I mention I’m not a happy flyer?

Melbourne was busy and cold. And I’d left my umbrella at home, because even though it is a sweet (read:lame) duck handled umbrella I knew I’d lose it at security, so the rain ruined my hair. The end.

Also, look I don’t want to sound self important here but I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the the Victorian premier resigns on the one day I’m in Melbourne. As I tried to explain to Beth that it wasn’t some family decision or impending political scandal that made him leave, probably just him realising that he was in the same state of a power more awesome than him and he just gave up.

I’m just throwing that idea out there.

And both my flights were delayed yesterday, after getting the airport for a 6ish flight it was delayed for an hour. Tops. Because surely I didn’t want that extra hour of sleep. Oooohhh no. Plus I’d already cleared security so the sweet call of nicotine wasn’t available.

Then the flight home was delayed, again for an hour. This time we sat on the plane, again no sweet relief of nicotine.

Then the cab line at the airport was horrendous. I stood in line for an hour to get a cab. And then I got a cab driver with attitude.

Now, I love cabs. Any service that takes me home when I’m drunk and it’s late is fantastic in my eyes, and I always seem to get lovely drivers. But I’d left my house before 5 am that morning and it was now 10 pm and I’ve just waited for an hour for you, so maybe we can drop the snappiness?

And then I got a text message from the SleepoverBoy at 2 am. I tried to reply but was trying to say, “I rarely say this but I’m so tired that unless you’re promising me just spoon, and only spoon so I can go back to sleep maybe we could postpone the nakedness?”


In other news I get to resign on Monday, I saw the new Harry Potter movie today with Beth (things are all good there) and the home buying plan has just solidified so I get to go and meet with banks soon about the wee matter of home loan.



Chesty LaRue:

Damn, Miss Lucy. You make the high flying life sound like such a drag.

But awesome news on the other stuff.

I’m so helping paint. Even if it’s just the bathroom. And you need a feature wall.


(email sent. Sorry for delay)

July 29th, 2007 | 1:31 am

Feature walls rock. Especially if the feature is Led Zeppelin posters.

Have you tried drinking on the plane? That might help.

July 29th, 2007 | 2:15 am


The lurching and engines-cutting-out noises are normal and necessary.

You have to do a lot of things to an airplane to make it land safely.

Gotta power down the engine, or the plane won’t slow down enough to deploy things like flaps and landing gear.

Helps to deploy the flaps, cause it’ll slow the airplane down enough to land.

The landing gear has to come down with a big thunk, because the wheels are large, and help cushion the shock of thousands of pounds touching asphalt at about 120 knots.

Landing is hard, so it’s necessarily noisy. As long as you don’t hear screaming, crying, and the guys up front saying “oh shit,” you’re generally doing fine.

July 29th, 2007 | 10:46 am
Mr. Guinness:

Eons ago my wife and I took a flight to Key West in one of the “newer” planes the Boeing 737 (ok so it was ‘1981!) and I was right over the right wing so I could see the jet engine tail end, and the whole wing.
Now having been in Naval Aviation for a number of years, more hours in planes than most crazy business flyers (little did I know at 19 and a “sailor” that more caution need be exercised with one’s life!).
Anyway we were on the final landing slope, all was going fine, and the wheels touched down. Now one of the standard things that happens is the engines are “reversed” so as to make the tremendous force of the air in the jet to act as a break. (Accounts for the seemingly revving up of the engine after you’ve touched down) When all of a sudden what looked like the rear cowling (sheet metal ‘cover’ over the engine) dropped down 90 degrees. I thought the f***ing thing was falling off from the schock of the landing. As we were exiting the plance I quietly stuck my head in the cockpit (days before 9/11 when you could do that and thank the pilot for a good flight) and mentioned to the Pilot that he might want to check the starboard engine out because the cowling looked like it had been ripped back. He laughed until he began to tear up, as did the co-pilot and engineer while I’m standing stupid wondering what’s so funny. Then he told me it was a new “design” and the “cowling” was designed to do that as it forced the air to go toward the front and acted as a big “air-break”.
Suffice it to say even if the wings fell off a damn plane I’m in I’ll just quietly ask for another dozen or so little “nips” of vodka, and skip the mixer I need it like now!

July 29th, 2007 | 11:31 am

Regarding your power over important political figures, I don’t suppose you’d have time for a quick whip down to Canberra this week?

July 29th, 2007 | 9:41 pm

Chesty – Dude, awesome if you get to stay the night so everything isn’t jammed into a single day, because then it’s just long and tiring.

But what if I buy the place and it does not need the painting?

What then Missy?

Mark – Alas I threw out all of my Zeppelin and Floyd posters a few years ago, so no Page feature wall.

And it’s just when I’m flying by myself. And alas the drinking thing either causes me to fall asleep and snore (hot) or freak out more.

Not good either way.

Rob – I was thinking you might comment on this.

Intellectually I get this, and I think if I ever got a chance to be in the cockpit (heh) during the flight and actually saw what was going on I’d be okay.

I just fret quite easily, just another one of my mad skillz 🙂

Alec – Eeh hee, I was born in ’81 🙂

(Sorry had to do it)

See I’d like to be able to pop in and chat to the pilot, but I think I’d ask too many questions and then they’d get irritated and be distracted.


Donkay – Seriously dude, if only it was that easy. I think it only works for state politics.

But I am sending out non-Liberal vibes if that helps?

July 30th, 2007 | 3:39 am
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