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Sunday Jul 22, 2007

I had a shit Friday night, a, by turns, awesome and crap Saturday and I had a great Sunday.

Friday was shit because I am officially a bad friend and did a really crap thing to Beth.

We were all out having drinks on Friday night after work (although on the way to the bar I did run into sleepover boy and his mother. Considering we’ve been hanging out for coming up to 3 years and I’ve never met his parents and the the last time I’d seen him I’d been naked it was weird) and after many beers/glass of red wine the subject turned to Transformer. She’s seeing him again and we started…..discussing him. I got annoyed and got up and left, without saying goodbye to her.

Nice work Luce, nice work.

Now the person who walks away from an argument to end it is an immature dickweed. Plus Beth and I don’t fight. We’ve had 3 arguments in the time we’ve been friends (10+ years) and this was the third. I apologised the next morning and while she’s still pissed she’ll be okay.

So my problem is this – While I love and support her, I’m finding it really, really fucking hard to support him. She is not happy with him, I’ve known her through 4 serious relationships and she’s admitted she hates what’s happening at the moment. I can’t stand him, he’s a 33 year old loser who wouldn’t know responsibility or maturity if it came up and kicked him in the balls. He’s done nothing to deserve her and he doesn’t make her happy.

But there’s this unspoken rule where you unconditionally support your friends.

But then if I saw a friend beating their head against a brick wall I’d be a pretty crappy friend if I didn’t try and stop them.

Damned if you do.

Saturday morning I was hung over and feeling like a dick. But it was Harry Potter day so from midday to 12:30 last night I read the whole damned thing.

Despite telling my boss I wasn’t available to work this weekend (I may have mentioned it was because of HP and he may have shook his head and walked away BUT STILL) I still got SMS’ yesterday asking questions about systems I don’t even manage.

The book was awesome and that’s all I’ll say.

And then today my Dad and grandmother came to Sydney for lunch, so today’s been a lovely day.


Overall though I really feel like I need a holiday but I only had one 3 months ago. And I’d say I need more sleep but I slept in until 9 this morning. I’d say I need a new job but I realise that the job I do and the salary I get means I’ll always have to work 50+ hour weeks. And I’d say I’d need to get laid more but it was only a few days ago.

Maybe I’ve just realised how shit this being a grown up thing is.



Try going to grad school. The money sucks, but AMs are optional and holidays are but a deftly-wielded corkscrew away.

Sucks about your friend. Some girls make bad choices, consistently and knowingly. Ain’t nothing to be done but be supportive and boost their self-esteem wherever possible.

Or, you know, you could draw her into a steamy lesbian affair and post pictures on the interwebs.

July 22nd, 2007 | 6:26 am

“And I’d say I’d need to get laid more but it was only a few days ago.”

shit, i love you.

About your friend, though. I was in a crap relationship and lost my best friend because of it. Out of the blue there were no phone calls, no explanations – nothing. I later found out he was tired of me being upset and complaining about it, but then not listening to what anyone else had to say. I don’t blame him, but I still think if he had really cared about me, he would have supported me and my shitty boyfriend.

So don’t do that. Either she’ll come to her senses at some point and all will be fine – or they’ll get married and you’ll have to suck it up for the sake of your friendship.

July 22nd, 2007 | 7:45 am
colonel eggroll:

It is hard being supportive to a friend that keeps putting themself in a situation that hurts them over and over. One of my friends has this exact problem. No matter how shitty the guy is, eventually she always goes back. It blows my mind because she’s smart and beautiful and could have any man she wants, but she chose that asshole. Ahh well. I just keep my mouth shut and try to be there when she needs me.

July 22nd, 2007 | 8:49 am
Mr. Guinness:

What is this a “love/hate thing”? From your comments Beth seems to be a great friend, what can’t she see that you can? You could always do a real “him or me” intervention,but those sometimes get really botched.
I give you credit for walking away “If you can’t say something good about someone,…say nothing” But you can’t just sit with a good friend and say nothing. Beth should realize you walked rather than be in a position that you might say something ugly.
What’s this whole HP thing? I’m more the Tom Clancy action/adventure thing, Sci-Fi just doesn’t trip my trigger, seen three of the movies and they were “OK”
Oh yeah,…this grown up thing is a bunch of sh**. I went to meet a blogger firend and her husband a couple of nights ago. He’s the Assistant General Manager of a WAY over priced restaurant. Now don’t get upset Alli, but when someone (an old fart I know was in that night and I saw him this morning and the first thing he said was not how good the steak was but that JUST the steak was $39!)I think my approach would be a special occasion ONLY. I’ll blog on that another day. Anyway grown up just means you sopend more on medicine, less on fun, and can actually spell colesterhol correctly with out spell check. Did I spell that right?
See ya’

July 22nd, 2007 | 12:30 pm
Chesty LaRue:

Ok, Miss Lucy.

Firstly, you are awesome.

Secondly – been there. On both sides. And sadly, my only piece of advice is to hang in there.

You can do all sorts of ultimatums and keep telling her why she shouldn’t be with this guy, but the problem then is that she starts to not tell you things, because she knows how you’ll react. And then it all goes to pot.

She’ll work it out for herself eventually, and she has to do that before she’ll lave him for good. It’s like any addiction, really.

I think it’s one of those stupid situations where you have to be there and keep a bit shtum, while letting Beth know that if she wants to talk, you’re there.

And I know you hate getting advice, so I’ll stop there.

I am also here should you need venting.

July 22nd, 2007 | 2:21 pm

Be patient Loosey,

It’s the job of friends of people who have shit partners to just hold their tongues, bide their time and wait for the inevitable, at which time we’ll be there to fill the vacuum. Unfortunately, it’s either that or losing a friend that you value.

Unfortunately, some times you have to be REALLY FUCKING PATIENT, and there will be times when the break-up comes, but turns out to be only temporary. Speaking from experience, Donkey? You betcha sweet patootie.

And we all need to get laid more, that’s a given.

July 22nd, 2007 | 4:16 pm

Mark – Nuh, see I love the actual work and programming that I do. Love it. It’s just certain parts of IT can be very very bloody frustrating. Because it’s a “support” department you can be used and abused sometimes by the rest of the business.

And again, no, with the steamy lesbian pics.

Katie – I can’t ever imagine not being friends with Beth, ever. So there’s no way something like this will end the friendship, unless it’s something she decides. And even then I’d be putting up a bloody good fight to make sure that didn’t happen.

And while I get where your friend was coming from that was a really mean thing to do with you, especially with just no contact one day.

It’s the support him that I have a problem with. I mean can’t I just support her and not have anything to do with him, except pick up the pieces after he’s gone?

(Also, dear God on the marriage thing)

Colonel – Yeah, same thing here. Beth is hands down one of the coolest people I know. She’s gorgeous, she’s smart and amazing and it just really upsets me to see her defending someone who upsets her so much.

I won’t stop supporting her, I’m just struggling with him at the moment.

Alec – Nope, I don’t do ultimatums. Tried it once, and lost and learnt a very good lesson that it was a fucking stupid idea to do.

She loves him, and because I love her by proxy I’m going to have to suck it up.

And I am glad in one way that the conversation didn’t go on because in all likelihood it would’ve gotten messy, so there’s one positive.

Chesty – I know, all of what you’ve said is bang on.

I’m just so bloody protective of her, and normally she doesn’t need protecting so it’s just hard to sit back and watch it happen.

I know she’ll do it until she doesn’t want to do it any more. I’d just prefer it to be sooner rather than later is all.

Donkay – And since losing her as a friend isn’t an option the being patient thing is just going to have to be it.

I’m just really bad at being patient 🙂

July 23rd, 2007 | 3:43 am
Thursday's Child:

Having been on the other side of the dating a guy all your friends hate sitch, all I can do is reiterate: She will snap out of it eventually. All you can do is be as supportive as you can and hope your smart friend figures it out.

Just my 2 cents.

July 24th, 2007 | 2:19 am

See that’s why I feel like such a shit, because I’ve always been the girl who gets involved with boys who my friends eventually don’t like because it’s all so on and off and she’s been there.

And by been there, I mean be there for me, versus him.

She’s always been the one who has long relationships with nice boys.

Always hi, thanks for commenting.

July 24th, 2007 | 4:03 am
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