The Antilogy |

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Monday Apr 30, 2007

So this going back to work malarkey is high overrated. I mean I heard my alarm for the first time this morning in two weeks, and you know what? I hate that bloody noise.

Plus the make up? And the heels? And wearing clothes that require ironing?

Bollocks to that.

But I still have the good holiday vibe, despite my male colleagues trying their utmost to destroy it. Because apparently they prefer the stressed out swearing Lucy.

Saturday I had to go to a friends graduation party, a good friend who I’ve known since I was a baby and went through school with. For some retarded reason though she keeps in contact with all of the girls I couldn’t stand at high school. Hence why Saturday I was surrounded by girls and their bland clothes/haircuts/boyfriend/personalities. Now fashion and I are not friends, and good lord I say stupid and boring things constantly. But all of them, all the time? I mean fuck, shop a little. Read a little, watch the news have an opinion. Luckily I avoided most of them and sat anti-socially with my sister in the corner. It was sweet.

I just don’t have anything in common with these girls, plus all of the marrying boys we went to school with and spawning is just completely foreign to me.

My mum flew home late last week, my uncle is very sick and has been sent home from hospital. Paliative care is a phrase I’ve grown to hate, and I mean hate. I’m heading down there this weekend and I’m quite terrified. Maybe not terrified, I’m just so tired of seeing family members dying and knowing that when I say goodbye it’s really goodbye and I won’t be able to ever see them again. I mean what do you say, what can you say to express how shit it all is and how unfair it all is?

Plus Adam is overseas and is moving back to Brisbane and I’m back at work, not on a beach napping.



Friday Apr 27, 2007

I fucking love holidays.

I ate fantastic food, I slept like a log, I swam every day, I drank most days and I relaxed and did sweet bugger all.

It was just awesome and I’m a little bit melancholic about being home. I only checked my Blackberry twice and both times I was drunk because I figured I wouldn’t care and I didn’t.

I turned 26 and did nothing more strenuous than going to the local nudist beach and getting oddly burnt.

Highlights include –

– These little babies wandering freely around the resort. I liked them and every time I saw one would giggle. But Beth hated them so I’d occasionally call out “gobble gobble” when we were walking around. I stopped doing that when she shoved me into some plants.

– We went to the Big Banana. It was shit. I mean look, when you advertise an attraction with its main selling point as “Big” then it better be humongous. It wasn’t and I was disappointed.

– We went to a nudist beach just up from our resort beach. I have to confess that wandering around and swimming with only swimmer bottoms on is delightful. Although Beth is a bit of a prude and took some convincing. She almost didn’t recover from the few teenage boys that wandered past and yelled out “Show us your tits”. Although I found this hysterical, she did not. But the beauty of no tan lines? Is awesome.

– I bought a kaftan, and when I say kaftan I mean a stylised muumuu and it was just fucking awesome. I mean extend the length a little and sew up the neckline (because like no crying in baseball there’s no cleavage in muumuus) and I had myself a muumuu.

– We went on a dolphin watching cruise. We did not see dolphins and I got seasick. Who gets seasick on a cruise? Even my mother laughed at me for that.

– We went out drinking the night before my birthday. Unfortunately we ended up at the club for 18 year old kids. And while I think the kids are awesome, wow did I feel old. Plus is it just me or if you’re out and you spill someones drink is it not etiquette to offer to apologise and to offer to replace the drink? Or is it apparently to say “tough luck” and walk away? Fucking kids of today.

– Anzac Day was spent playing pool so atrociously that we should have been shot for being so un-Australian. I did get to kiss a deliciously cute young boy who looked like a hobbit (minus the hairy feet) and we bumped into a a boy we went to high school with (it probably wasn’t a nice thing to say to him that it was nice he wasn’t such a meat head anymore?) and Beth made out with a boy who we found out was 20. She’s such a cradle snatching hussy.

All up I had such a great holiday, I loved spending it with Beth who is the only person I know that I could spend an entire week with non stop and not want to kill them, I turned 26 and I relaxed.


graduating, dye, holiday, photos

Wednesday Apr 18, 2007

I’ve had my learners drivers licence twice before. Couldn’t be bothered explaining why I’ve never got the full licence, but my theory is some people are just meant to be passengers. Well that and I’m lazy. And also other cars scare me. And also my spatial awareness is absolute rubbish.

But because I wrote that damned mission statement I added that I’d get my licence and buy a car in 2007. Hence why I spent most of last night madly taking the demo test at the RTA site.

Naturally, because I am an anal perfectionist, I got all answers right (except one but I’m in denial about that one).

Plus a miracle happened where I actually look cute in the photo (I look retarded and slightly gormless but cute nonetheless.)

Now, this holiday malarkey? Is fucking awesome.

I am relaxed, the Blackberry is still off and I’m going to blame the lack of my calender for thinking I left for the actual holiday tomorrow.

Because the reservation is actually for Friday, which is terribly lucky that I checked, because awkward.

I dyed my hair. I don’t dye my hair as a general rule, purely because my natural hair colour is pretty good, plus the dying seems to be high maintenance. But, and this pains me to admit it, what I call the ‘grey hair situation’ has become something akin to an epidemic. As in I have a lot of fucking grey hair for a 25 year old. So I went a shade or two darker – do we like it?

My sister graduated from uni yesterday, because I live to disgrace my family when she got her degree and shook the chancellor dude’s hand I yelled and hollered. I mean really, was I just supposed to clap sedately to celebrate 3 hard years study? Fuck that.

And because I could I stole her cap and gown and made Dad take some photos of me. Because I fear those photos are the closest my parents are going to get to me finishing my degree.

Beth has broken up with the tattoed boy. Apparently dating a slacker who works in a record store whose very nice but continues to act like he’s 20 gets old relatively fast. And although I no longer have someone to go to the Human Body exhibit it’s two single girls who are going on holidays and it’s going to be awesome.

I mean ignore the fact that we’ll be sharing a king size bed and that I tend to wake up with Beth spooning me. But hey, spoon is spoon.

Both of us have the same objective, to laze on the beach all day reading, mixing this up with drinking at the pool bar. And that right there is my idea of a perfect holiday.

Photos to come when I get back hopefully tanned, alcohol poisoned and even more relaxed.

rant, shoes, holiday

Sunday Apr 15, 2007

Now look, there are certain things that irritate me so much that I feel the need to drop the c bomb (you know the c swear word that’s really bad right?) –

1. Slow walkers.
2. People who stand on the right hand side on escalators (just like driving fuckheads, the right lane is for the fast cars)
3. People who lie.
4. People who smell bad.
5. Chubby girls who only emphasis the chub and make me feel nauseous by not wearing clothes in their own goddamn size.
6. And people who don’t do things they’ve said they’d do.

Although the first five infuriate me and leave me in a stuttering sweary pile of anger, the last one fucks me right off.

So if, hypothetically, we make plans. That means that I will in all likelihood have turned down other plans so I can hang out with. Maybe really good plans but I chose to put aside my day, or half day or night to spent time with you.

So by not turning up you display disdain for me, ignoring that I would’ve spent my morning hanging around waiting for you. And that makes you a shit. Because calling hours after we were meant to catch up without an apology just adds to the fury. Because unless you’re calling to let me know you can amazingly now turn back time and give me my wasted morning back which I could have spent at the goddamn Easter show with the show bags and baby lambs you can fuck right off.


And breathe.


Apart from that little aneurysm causing spack attack I have had a great day. I slept in a little, straightened my hair, made proper coffee, done all of my laundry and turned off my Blackberry.

Because maybe I did not mention it but I am on holidays. And by holidays I mean no work. And naps every day. And a holiday for a week up the north coast to a resort that has a pool bar. That I will be spending most of my time at.

And did I mention I turned off the phone? This particular phone that has never been turned off since I started this job 6 months ago? The phone that has been spewing out work emails and phone calls incessantly for the last 182 days straight, 24 hours a day?

Oh yes.

And more than that I will be turning 26 next Sunday. The slippery slide to 30 and I am goddamn excited.

And I got to have coffee and a pleasant promenade with Chesty this afternoon. And there was banana bread consumed and big fuck off coffees and then she came to the fruit and vegetable shop because I know how to keep it interesting on girl dates. Oh yes, yes I do.

I fear this will become an I heart Chesty page so know it was awesome and lovely and probably the high point of the weekend.

And also I get to go to the post office tomorrow (because apparently most businesses do not believe that people who work full time deserve to get their packages. No, working people should be deprived of their hard earned/bought porn because you are gainfully employed. Oh yes, you may have needs but only have them during 9-5 Monday to Friday.)

Wait, there was totally an unfinished sentence up. So yes I get to go pick up my newly purchased porn, on my first day of holidays which I will put to good use.

Oh yes, life is good.

(Also why was it so bloody hot today? Did it need to be so hot that I sweated? Because I am a lady and I should only perspire delicately.)

(Oh except now we have a thunderstorm to cool everything down. But I hate thunderstorms with the lightning and thunder because they scare me and yes. I have had too much coffee today I think)

Also I bought wicked leopard print pointy toes shoes. Purely because I could. Similar to the porn really. Just because I could.

the evan and the chesty

Tuesday Apr 10, 2007

– I had a great long weekend. I slept lots, I’ve eaten a buttload of chocolate and caught up with friends and family.

– The Broken Home easter lunch went very well. It’s quite odd to have 6 people around a table and have only one person with still together parents. Considering I was the only one through primary school with divorced parents it’s quite nice (in a relative sense) to have a few people in the same boat. And the lunch went so well that I got home just before midnight after arriving 12 hours earlier. I also learnt that I am an absolute god at Guitar Hero. And by God, I don’t mean a god, I mean the god. I got like 90% accuracy rate at a minimum which just quietly is fucking awesome. I also beat Beth’s tattooed boyfriend. This hurt him deep inside because he blamed the guitar he was playing with. We swapped for a rematch and I got a 97% accuracy. It hurts to be beaten by a girl I imagine.

– I spent Monday hungover with my Dad. He called earlier in the weekend to say we hadn’t spoken properly in a while so we had a father daughter day. Which involved trailing all over Newtown while he took photos. I’ve never been a typical Daddy’s girl but I have to admit that the man I marry will be similar to my Dad. I can’t put into words how I much of a good man, and good father he is and I feel tremendously lucky to be his daughter.

– I finally found a nail place that is awesome and that doesn’t hurt and my nails look hot. Plus cheaper than the butcher Nail Salon *coughbutcherplaceherecough*

– The CountryBoy thing is boring me to be honest. He couldn’t get out of work on Friday night but managed to get the night off on Saturday. While he was on the phone to me organising times to drive up that night he had another call from one of his best friends. Apparently he had a birthday thing for a friend he’d forgotten about. Or something. So with a ‘serenity now’ I’m trying to be patient. But he totally has one more chance and then that’s it.

– I just found out that one of my best friends will be moving interstate. This depresses me more than I can really put into words.

– I have felt like complete shit all day. While I think I only had 5 drinks last night, I think combined with a late night and a crap nights sleep I felt awful. So awful that I left before 5:30. This is unheard of. But I needed tracksuit pants and chocolate.

– And now, last night was an inaugural event. Not only did I go and see the Lemonheads but I also met Chesty La Rue. Evan Dando was a smacked out mess and I hated that I walked away disappointed. Because I so wanted to dance and sing along and it was just messy. And my heart broke a little seeing Evan reduced to a mumbling mess. But back to the good. Now let me preface the fact that I’ve always had a girl blog crush on Chesty. But she is even nicer and cooler in real life plus totally cute (she totally doesn’t tell you that in her bajillion posts). I, in my nervousness and excitement, had downed two cups of coffee in the 15 minutes before I left the house so was a little bit giddy and I think I was experiencing some light heart murmurs. Plus I was having clothing tantrums – I mean gig clothes? I haven’t been to a dirty pub to see a band in forever. But because I can the super mario t-shirt got a pairing with the big pearl earrings. So Chesty and Mr Chesty spied me from across the road and it was on. Mr Chesty is funny and dry and a completely sweetheart. And Chesty is just fucking awesome. Easy to talk to, great company, terribly funny and it’s without a doubt that I have made a new Inner Westy friend who I think needs to become a Sunday afternoon local/Saturday morning almond croissant eating/Sunday breakfast going/Portuguese chicken eating/Sunday night Pussycat doll watching friend.

(Except for the cab ride home Mr Chesty, along with the cab driver, said that my house was haunted. Which considering I live on my own and am a big scaredy cat scared the bejesus out of me. But luckily Chesty emailed me today saying they were lying because otherwise I would’ve been sleeping with the lights on for a while)

the good and the bad

Friday Apr 6, 2007

So we’ll get the crap things out of the way first –

– CountryBoy cancelled the weekend date. Apparently he couldn’t get out of something he was going to get out of to come up. And he couldn’t tell me before I called him last night to see where I should make dinner reservations. So that was fun. I mean if he doesn’t want to hang out or make out with me not much I can do about it really.

– My microwave ‘blew up’ yesterday and since Lite n Easy dinners are all microwaveable I’ve been having lunches for dinner. I’m hungry!

Good things include –

– Me sleeping in until 10:00 a.m. this morning. After going to bed just before midnight. In case you’re as crap at calculation as I am that’s a grand total of 10 hours of sleep.
– I only got out of my pyjamas this afternoon and that was only because my sister was coming over.
– Apparently the microwave did not blow up, but rather something else in my apartment made a fucking scarily loud bang and is ready to explode while I sleep any night now. So I got to eat proper dinner tonight. Proper food!
– It only took 2 months of dieting but someone (besides Adam) noticed I’d lost weight. Finally! As I don’t own scales I have no idea how much but she thinks at least a few kilos. Go Team Lucy!
– I ate an entire chocolate bunny thing today. Peeled back the foil like a banana. It was awesome.
– Because my sister and I, family including, are complete non christian heathens she bought me over a Boost bar as an easter egg. Also because nothing is open Good Friday so there’s that too.
– I bought huge pearl earrings during the week.
– Today my cardigan matched my belt which matched my thongs. I’d like to say it was all accidental but I’m a girl who likes to co-ordinate.
– My brother in law came over with the sister and did all of this handyman stuff for me. He fixed my towel rail that had come loose and put up a word frame thingy that I got at Christmas. I love having manly boys in the family.
– I’m going shopping with Beth tomorrow to get holiday clothes.
– Buying new porn.
– Plus 4 day weekend, score.

Picture has – the new earrings/me at work last night/new imagine picture frame thingy/new Nigella Lawson cup and saucer set.


Tuesday Apr 3, 2007

So, just between you and I (let’s ignore the rest of the internet for a wee second) the new place offered me more money.

Now, no job for me will ever be chosen based on what they pay me. Because you can’t buy back your sanity or your social life. But what’s being offered is fucking awesome, I mean best.job.ever awesome.

So I think that kinda decides what I’m going to do yes?

I spent a good 10 minutes outrageous flirting with the Stabler boy today at work (he has a tattoo on his forearm just like Stabler from Law and Order SVU – Seriously hot) so that was cool.

I’ve been having mild heart attacks at the idea of a new boy. Or as the terribly gay man at work has been chanting “new penis, new penis!”. I’ve continued to ignore the email from the Myspace comment deleter boy and I’m now back to worrying about the date thing and the staying at my place. Which, because I can, will need to involve waxing and buying of a skirt and heels and deciding whether to do straight hair or curly hair (he’s seen me with straight only). Ah decisions.

I’m also completely jonesing for the 4 day long weekend coming up, and a two week holiday coming up in a couple of weeks. This will be the first holiday since, well, England and France in 2005. And this one will involve staying in the country and heading to a beach resort place for a full week with Beth. My criteria was needs to have a pool bar and an apartment style thing so I can come and have a nap each afternoon after consuming too much alcohol at the pool bar. Check and check.

I am so excited about this holiday that I almost want to cry. I mean 2 whole weeks off work? Unbelievably delicious.

Here’s the new super mario tshirt I bought last weekend (just for you Rob), and my cute new bedspread.

Can you believe this man who is someone I thought was cool just posted questioning when the word wang starting being used as a substitute for penis? Who are you Adam, I feel like I don’t even know you.


Sunday Apr 1, 2007

Dot points –

– After a week of silence from CountryBoy/SchoolTeacher (during which I completely wrote him off, alternating with but wwhhyyyy questions) I got a messaging asking if I still wanted to catch up next weekend. Lesson learned – that this boy will do what he says he will do (just taking his sweet time). The much anticipated question of do I ask him to stay over or not (he lives a couple of hours drive from Sydney) was completely anti-climatic, when he arranged a day he asked if he could crash at mine, I said of course. And that was that.

I really hate being a girl sometimes worrying about “if I offer a place to stay will he be all she’s easy, or just not care?”. According to my guy friends I shouldn’t worry about that stuff, as Beth’s brother said “Luce, he’s going to have a great night spending it with you anyway, he’s not going to worry about it”. So yes, should listen to my guy friends more often.

– I think I’m going to meet Chesty next weekend to see The Lemonheads. I know! Chesty and Evan Dando! My head is about to burst with excitement. ZOMG!1!

– I have a meeting/interviewy thing tomorrow with the directory guy of the company that’s attempting to poach me. I also spoke with my current manager last week to give him a heads up about this new offer. To further complicate things he offered me a $20,000 payrise and a new PM role if I stay.

Yeah, thanks Boss for making what I thought was a simple decision far more complicated. So yes, once I figure out whether this Brisbane based PM role is still on offer at the new consulting place I’ll make my decision.

I’m terrified about this new job, excited yes, but scared shitless and have no idea what I’m doing or whether taking this new job would a monumental fuck up (i.e. it’s a role I thought I would be doing in a couple of years – so am I going to know what I’m doing or complete blag it?) and whether I can handle commuting interstate each week or whether I stay in my current role where they’re really really happy with my work and want me to stay but that I’m already burnt out after 6 months and I have conflicting thoughts about my direct manager that is starting to affect my job.

So yes, very much freaking out at the moment.

– Did I mention I’m going to see the Lemonheads? Oh I did, sorry just very excited. All I know is that there will be drinking and Chesty and my sister and the usual singing and even though it’s on a school night goddammit I will drink my body weight in alcohol.

– I’ve had an email in my inbox for the past 2 weeks from the ex/ex FB. He of the deleted myspace comment (you don’t delete myspace comments ffs) who noted that it just seemed to ‘oddly disappear’ in the e-mail. Despite wanting to reach through my laptop screen and strangle the fucker because comments do not just bloody disappear(!) I’m seriously considering calling him, if only because it’s been over 2 months since I’ve kissed anybody. But that would be bad, right? Right.

– Every single one of my friends are either busy, working or interstate and I have had it up to here (picture me with a hand up over my head) with them all. It’s not that I mind supporting friends when they’re busy or under stress, far from it. It just gets to that point where I feel like breaking out a Shannon Nolls butchered version of What About Me?. It can be very draining and exhausting being the listener and the supporter and I feel resentful when I have to ask for the same in return.

– I’ve discovered that for me deep and meaningful conversations are like sex. I can’t just break into d&m at the drop of a hat, or when I’m at work, or when I’m out catching up with friends. I need foreplay (i.e. prep work) and I need time (i.e. not just a 5 minute window – not that those ‘chats’ don’t have their time and place) and I have to be in the mood. So fyi I’m not a boy I can’t just be on because you have a spare 5 minutes.

– I love cardigans.

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