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a new one

Monday Feb 27, 2006

I’m still at work doing an install. And I think it’s going to be a late one.

I vow never again to do a double header (two consecutive nights drinking).

My head is still hurting.

But I met a boy, who seems cool and nice. We were actually studying law together at the same time but, bless him, he actually finished his degree.

Plus he’s the licensee at my local bar.

This is either the best thing ever.

Or I am going to turn into an alcoholic.

We shall have to wait and see.

Work is crazy/busy again this week, this is a good thing.

A new boy is surprisingly refreshing, sitting acorss from him on Saturday night the thought of “Oohh, so this is what’s it like. I forgot how easy it is” struck me.

So we wait and see.

Either way it’s a needed confidence booster.


should be in bed already

Friday Feb 24, 2006

Blogging while under the influence is a very very bad idea.

The thoughts include –

– I cannot believe my sister (over at my house today using the innernet) ate the packet of chips I’ve been dreaming about for the last two hours.

– How good it feels to have had a shower and washed the city funk off of me.

– That I cannot believe that I left my mobile at work.

– This means that while I can get calls, as I diverted the service to a spare sim I have, I miss out on possible booty call messages.

– God I could’ve done with those chips.

– I can’t believe I discovered an unknown roof top outdoors city pub in Sydney that is unpretentious.

– I can’t believe I gave my number to the bartender.

– Do I ever learn my lesson.

– I had such a good night with old work colleague’s.

– God I’m tired.

– I love this website.

– That I cannot believe I got all of that html right.

– I think I’m going to regret the angry message I sent to my sister for eating aforementioned chips.

– That I spelled aforementioned right.

Yeah I’m totally going to bed.


little hippie heart

Thursday Feb 23, 2006

When someone mentioned their “white bread” upbringing it reminded me how the Lucy family is slightly not white bread.

My mother is awesomely cool. She also has a better social life than I do, involving many lunches with “Ladies Who Lunch”. My general hermit like periods confuse her, she tells me to go out and have drinks with the girls, “you’ll feel so much better!”All of my friends absolutely love her and she adores mortifying me at any chance she gets.

I’m almost certain that’s a requirement once you become a parent.

The father, however, is where most of the embarrassing stories come from. He is a lovely man, there are elements of him that won’t be elaborated on here that aren’t so great but he is generally awesome.

He is however a bloody hippie.

He does not ask “how you are?”, he asks, “How are you within yourself?”.

He wears this sandalwood fragrance, which smells gorgeous, but is only one step away from patchouli.

We were raised on a farm and he taught us young about nature. All of nature including the crappy bits. We would bottle feed kids and lambs, yet we also saw him patching up a herd of goats who had been attacked by dogs.

He is a tremendous flirt (bigger than Indy, seriously) and would flirt with any woman who stepped into our house including my friends. Lucky my friends are cool and flirt back.

He knows everything. He’s been a librarian for over 20 years and reads voraciously so he knows a little about a lot. If I was reading something and didn’t understand a word he would make me look it up in the dictionary instead of telling me. You cannot win an argument with a man like this, although Good lord I tried.

He wears sarong’s around the house in summer. As a teenager this is mortifying. My friends Dad’s did not wear glorified skirts about their house.

Once I got to 16 and was going out he would take me aside and let me know, “There are condoms in the medicine cabinet if you need them.”

This was actually a very cool thing which I’ll probably do with my own kids. I was not having sex so it was just embarrassing.

He encouraged meditation and mind relaxation. Anything could be solved by 3 “big deep belly breathes.”

I got my eyebrow pierced when I was 16, he suggested a tongue ring instead. Mum almost killed him over that one.

He also did Tai Chi each morning. This in itself is fine. He chose to do it in our front yard. In his sarong. Our house was on the school bus route. Leaving for school with your father wearing a sarong doing “Greet The Sun” while all of the kids at school watch on is not something you can easily explain as a 13 year old.

So even though he instilled some of my best qualities he also holds a special place in my heart for embarrassing the fuck out of me on a daily basis.

Bless his little hippie heart.


boring lists

Sunday Feb 19, 2006

– I read about 4 books a week, due mainly to being a speed reader. I hate this as I fly through books and the longest it’s ever taken me to read a book in one sitting was 12 hours.

– I love to cook, I’d probably describe myself as an unpretentious cook. I love anything that’s fresh and tastes fantastic. My staples are olive oil, tomatoes, chicken stock, white/red wine.

– I grow my own herbs. And I love to garden. I can’t wait until I own my own home and can grow vegetables, herbs and muchos flowers.

– I wear Lolita Lempicka perfume only.

– I tend to fall for boys who are my friends. Or maybe a lot of my guy friends are those I’ve been involved with. Chicken or the egg really.

– I have dark brown hair and green eyes with flecks of gold and brown.

– I sleep right down the middle of the bed. When someone else is in there I’m on the left hand side.

– I love to spoon. I’m a curler and the best night I ever had was wrapped up against someone all night. I’d roll over he’d follow, he’d roll over I’d follow and curl.

– I’m short (5’3) but feisty.

– I’m a control freak and I need to relax that shit. Not with men though for some reason. Work – yes, personal – yes, home – yep. But I’m happy to go with the flow relationship wise.

– I work on average 50 hours a week and would love to be able to do the standard 40. I’m in at my desk by 7:30 every morning and hate to be late.

– I don’t like when people are consistently late. I think it shows a lack of consideration (i.e. “They’ll wait for me” even if it’s subconsciously)

– I go to the Sydney Art Gallery at least once every couple of months and I frequently spend my Sunday mornings in the Botanic Gardens with a coffee and the Sunday Herald.

– I swear quite a lot. But I rarely drop the ‘c’ bomb. If I do you know I am not happy.

– I love my job, my work colleague’s and my boss. I do not like office politics or pissing contests between male managers or colleagues.

– I’ve never been told “I love you” by a man (removing family and friends)

– Yes, that is sad when I think about it.

– I have a routine and I get a little off balance if I can’t follow it.

– I don’t have a credit card anymore by choice and it’s awesome. If I don’t have the money I ain’t getting it.

– I love sleep. I could sleep for 12 hours a night every night. But I get 7 generally.

– Jeff Buckley’s cover of “Hallelujah” makes me cry, literally every time I listen to it.

– I have a loud laugh and have been known to stop people dead in their tracks with it.

– I rarely blush, usually only when I’m absolutely mortified by something I’ve said.

– One of my closest friends recently gave birth and this child? I will do anything for her.

– I don’t get as much as sex as I would like to.

– I have hippie tendencies. My father is this lovely old hippie man and I hated it yet I seem to have inherited it. Which I do not like.

– Yet I’m generally intolerant of dirty patchouli wearing hippies (I’m only half joking with that statement) You spend enough time with them growing up and it get’s old very, very quickly.

– My hair never looks neat. Ever. Unless it’s blow dried straight. Yet I love having curly hair.

– I think men are the most amazingly cool and awesome thing I know.

– I shower at night. In summer morning and night but always at night time. I just cannot get into bed feeling all oogy and funkified.

– I like writing lists. Obviously.


aaannd breathe

Saturday Feb 18, 2006

Things that are making me angry –

– This bloody godforsaken heat. When it’s too hot to be at the beach you know it’s hot.

– Debate about RU486. Discussion can only be a good thing. Bringing religion into a discussion about a health related procedure that is legal? Makes my blood boil. For a medication that is legal in the US, UK and Canada that has less related fatalities than Viagra (Yet that one is on the Pharmaceutical benefit listing for men) and possibly less traumatic than the existing termination procedure? I believe in choice, but this discussion has nothing to do with abortion. It’s about putting a decision to provide a medication out of the hands of untrained politicians into the hands of trained medical professionals.

– Gah.

– Boys. Grow some balls.

I love boys. They are the second most wonderful, beautiful, awesome creatures (after women of course). But for the love of fuck, if you don’t want to be in a relationship because you want to remain single and keep your options open say that!. If it’s not working because we’re not clicking then say it. If you’re an emotional retard who’s license for dating should be revoked don’t even start one in the first place. If you have a girlfriend/partner/wife do not actively pursue somebody else to boost your ego. Do not continue to contact me if I’ve told you I need space to get over you for no other reason than to keep me as an option.

– That applies to both sexes actually. Stop being douchebags.

– If you’re going to play office politics at work? Leave me the fuck out of it.

– Bra makers. I just want a hot black bra in a D cup. I do not want a 4 hooked monstrosity. I do not want a maternity style bra. I do not want straps that are inches thick. I know there are hot bra’s in a D as I have a draw full of them. I just would like to not pay $150.00 for the pleasure of having a great rack. Please people.

– Winter Olympics and cricket. Damn me for being born into a “Sporting Country” as there is now nothing to watch on TV except damn sport.

– Low waisted jeans. Are we quite done with these yet? I love mine. I do not love half of my g-string showing whenever I am not perfectly vertical. I’m not loving high waisted Dynasty style but please do not make it that jeans that you must go Commando in is the only option when I’m looking to buy new jeans.

– Big girls who are in complete denial about their size and squeeze themselves into too small and tight clothes.
I am a curvy girl, size 14-16 with said D’s. I wear clothes that ARE MY SIZE. The funny thing about clothes is they come in different sizes, your size! So if, hypothetically, your figure is a 10 then we have size 10 clothing just for you. If you are a size 14 wear the bloody 14’s, do not jam your good self into the 10. I’m sure I could jam my curvy self into a mini, but Jesus I wouldn’t subject that on anyone. So girls dress for your size. There are certain things that you must admit. If you wear clothes your size you will look nice. Squeezing yourself in a back less top at breakfast time will just make me queasy and not able to finish breakfast. And it makes you look ridiculous. Especially because you were obviously a gorgeous girl, admit you’ve got curves and get into the size 14 you’re meant to be wearing.

– Lost. I hate you Lost, just tell us the bloody back story to the island and why the survivor’s are there k. Is it too much to ask?

Today’s anger proudly sponsored by having no clothes that I like, really annoying contact with an ex, this damn heat and not PMS k.


advice

Thursday Feb 16, 2006

So here’s how this is going to go.

Imagine you’re 24. You’re doing your own thing. Great friends. Great career. Own apartment. Awesome family.

But being a young person you seem to just blag it most of the time. Pretend like you know what you’re doing. Try to make the best choices with what you’ve got and what you know. Try to love the person who deserves it. Try to be good and get where you’re meant to go.

So I’m asking you for advice.

If you’re my age do you feel the same way?

If you’re older than me give me a pearl of wisdom, a priceless piece of advice, your personal mantra, anything that if you’d heard at 24 may have helped a little. Maybe you didn’t take the advice or you didn’t get it because you weren’t ready for it yet. Maybe you took the advice and it was the best thing that you ever did.

Be it about love, friendship, work, life I’m just looking for a little help, a little direction that you can bestow on a relatively together but confused girl.


I will never

Wednesday Feb 15, 2006

I started to write a list about what I knew.

I got stuck on the second point. Which I think is a good thing. Every “profound” theory I’ve ever had has been contradicted by something i’ve seen/done/experienced.

The two sticking points are –

– You may always love your family but you don’t have to like them all the time.

This one came from a close family friend of my mother’s and it’s never wavered. I’ll always love my parents but sometimes they annoy me. And god knows I drive them nuts.

– Sometimes it’s better to be happy and wrong, than right and unhappy.

This was, surprisingly from Dr Phil (bless him) and to me speaks of compromise and letting go of what’s not important.

The other contradicted theories include –

– I’d never stay with a man who cheated on me.

This one is something I was pretty strong about. Until a close friend of mine with a husband and child found out her husband had cheated on her. I don’t condone his actions but I respect her choice. They got counselling, they’re still together and are happily married. I don’t know how I’d react but the fact that someone I like and admire chose against the theory made me stop and think.

– I’ll never be that girlfriend

You know that girlfriend. The one who would do anything for her partner. The one who is incapable of doing something without him. The one who defines herself by her partner. I’ve realised it’s never so black and white. What is my realtionship and what is someone’s else’s are two entirely different things. I enjoy taking care of my boyfriend. I enjoy spending as much time with someone who is one of my favourite people in the world. And loving someone means you put them, not ahead of you, but beside you and treat their needs and happiness as such.

What life journey you choose as a teen/young adult will be it. Period.

Good lord was my career teacher wrong. At 21 with a law double degree half completed I switched. Dropped the journey, changed directions. Happiest and best decision I’ve ever made. My father does photography now, winning awards in addition to being a librarian of 20 plus years. If he can change what he “defines” himself with at 50 odd then bugger it so can I.

Also see – I will never take out my eyebrow ring, I would never sleep with a taken man, I will never drink coffee/wine, I would never watch porn, I want to become a PE (Physical Education) teacher, my parents are just parents not people, I will never drink so much that I throw up, I will never cry over a boy and I would never do that that’s devious! (Heh heh, wrong.)


blah de blah

Monday Feb 13, 2006

So this working really hard thing has gotten old real fast. A one off 12 hour day is fine. I’m there for 10 hours anyway. A week of them just makes my eye twitch come back.

This Saturday has been planned. There will be the beach, there will be drinks and there will be finally catching up with my best friend.

I always feel a little 7th grade using the word best friend. It reeks of childish indecision about who is your favourite person in the world, which changed on a daily basis.

Yet it’s apt.

My best friends are those I’ve had for over 10 years. They’ve fulfilled the Lucy criteria of BF by seeing me laugh so hard I snort, cry, throw up, grieve, love, lose, break, rejoice. They fucking rock.

Plus when you ask for a favour you can say, “Do it and I’ll be your best friend”

I almost forgot about Valentine’s Day tomorrow, it just seems to slip below my radar. I don’t hold much stock in being told for one day out of 365 you must express your love and appreciation for your partner.

But it’ll be nice to see the many women (and sometimes men) around the city tomorrow carrying flowers.

I’ve talked myself out of sending a “Valentine” this year. Although there are many things I’d love to say I need to not. He is all kinds of wonderful, he is gorgeous and he is the cat’s meow. But it’s done and it was done.

So tomorrow will be a normal day. Except the bajillion people around on dates with flowers of course.


the pain

Saturday Feb 11, 2006


.

This little photo was taken at 3 a.m. this morning. The fact that I can’t see my pupils is probably not a good sign.

Because it is neither big, nor clever, to consume –

– Half a bottle of beautiful Jacob’s Creek Sparkling Rose`.
– A bottle of lovely champagne.
– A couple of glasses of Shiraz,
– And finishing up with a few vodka and tonics.

Definitely neither big nor clever.

I had a wonderful night though. I ended up in a Workers Club in country NSW singing along to my baby cousin’s band playing. I sang so much my voice is husky today.

I even danced.

*Shakes head*

(I do not dance. I dance by myself at home to bad 80’s music. That is the extent of Lucy the Dancing Queen. Until Saturday night apparently)

I sent two drunk messages. Neither to the Boy Who.

Yesterday was spent in the backyard of my grandmother’s with my family talking and drinking. From 3 or so I was sure I had a fever and made my grandmother feel my forehead multiple times. Turns out drinking in the sun for 5 hours will mean you get sunburnt. And getting sunburnt on your head means hot skin.

And not a fever.

All in all, champagne=bad, weekend=good.


bullet point style

Thursday Feb 9, 2006

– Sweat is sexy. That’s my newest discovery. Stepping off the treadmill on wobbly legs, hair is plastered down with sweat. And it’s hot. Not the normal hot sweat. But exercise hot.

– Anyway 🙂

– Work is crazy beautiful. Busy but good.

– Caught up for drinks tonight with Brett, this wonderful friend of mine. If anything will cheer you up at the end of a long day a couple of drinks and a gorgeous gay man will do it every time.

– I ate a chocolate bar for the first time in over a month yesterday. I actually got goosebumps at the first bite. It was heaven.

– I had a heartbreaking phone call from a friend of mine who went back to work today for the first time since giving birth a few months ago. Her daughter Isabelle is the most beautiful child ever and my friend M was just distraught at leaving her. She called me tonight and Isabelle did not starve, did not cry all day, didn’t catch a cold and I finally convinced her she wasn’t a bad mother.

– I’m not ready for that.

– I’m heading away this weekend to see the relatives. It shouldn’t be too bad but we’ll see. Plus there will be Father Daughter bonding time which I have to admit is nice.

– I’m officially boy-less and it’s quite nice.

– Corresponding with an old friend who I haven’t seen in nearly a year. We live in the same city too. Sometimes revisiting friendships when the dust has settled can be good.

– The Don’ Cha friendship, I think, has officially ended, which in an awful way is a relief. I actually did a not very nice thing and didn’t go to her farewell drinks (she’s moving interstate). But there comes a time to end things when you realise you have nothing in common, when you’re too different and can’t relate to them anymore. If I’m cleaning out the boy wasteland that is my life I figured I should also do it with the friends too.

– I miss having someone who could tell me when I’m being awful. In your head you know when you’ve done something that’s probably not that great. To hear it honestly from someone else is always much better, even if it confirms you’re an evil person.

– I discovered the Agent Provocateur website. Steph’s obsession may be with shoes, mine’s with lingerie. Hot.

– You know blog crushes? Is it possible to have blog nemesis’ too? There are some websites which I can’t stop reading yet they infuriate me. This is normal right? I think it stems from my personal belief that what I slap together here every couple of days is not writing. It’s just stuff. I don’t believe writing for 20 minutes every day in a Blogspot window awards you the title of writer. But then you stumble across beautiful gems like Buffy Holt that makes you leave a comment saying, “That was beautiful, you’re a wonderful writer”. I think that annoys me the most is people who take this so seriously, that pretention. Who knows.

– Having a crush on a man you work with is awesome. Certainly makes the day go a lot quicker.

– Bed now.


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