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smart* choices

Sunday May 8, 2005

I hate being old enough to make good boy decisions.

Scratch that.

After making stupid boy decisions and either keeping them on as friends or having them as a casual benefits boy, I’m finally culling the bad “relationships”.

The boy who I’ve been friends with for two years, and in love with him for 23 months, I don’t speak to him anymore. Even though day to day it was good, every now and then it would get bad and too much. When I started sleeping with him again, after he had a girlfriend, I knew it had to stop. After a late night fight via phone during a cab ride home we called it.

The other is an ex. He was a wonderful guy, smart, funny, could wear pink shirts and look edible and it was the worst timing ever. Two months ago he travelled overseas and I haven’t spoken to him since. Also having him as a casual buddy for 6 months after we broke up was not a good idea. But hey, when you’re single and he’s great in bed it makes perfect sense.

Even though it’s damn hard and I miss them both, for their friendships more than anyting it has to be the right decision. I don’t get weirded out by our friendships, I don’t feel the intense guilt of being that awful, awful girl whose sleeping with a boy who has a girlfriend and even though the drought is in full swing it definitely feels like the right decision.

All up boy choices lately have been sound. Taking a break from boys is good. But my porn collection is getting an amazing workout until I’m over this self-imposed boy ban.

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