the antilogy |

God I’m tired and it’s barely lunch time. I’m sleeping like a log but I’m just getting to bed later and later. I stand firm that tonight I will be in bed at 9:30. No later. And tonight I won’t let Poppy sleep in the middle of the bed so I’m sprawled out around here, and that I kill any (fucking) mosquitoes before they drain half of my blood during the night.

I went out on Saturday night for celebration drinks for Beth and DJ’s engagement. While I hate going out at night I love seeing my friends because they’re pretty much the nicest/coolest people I know. So, I got frocked up and headed into the city.

There’s an RSL smack bang in the city that is an oasis of cheap drinks away from the wanky bars and clubs that make up the usual Sydney city night life. Any place that has lounges where I can buy a round of drinks for 5 people and get change from a $20 note (a small amount but still) is a good place. Except that on the way up with Beth and K in the lift, the lift dropped a floor. One second we were going from 2 to 3, and then the lifted plummeted back to 2. I would say that I burst into tears or vomit because that’s what I thought I would do, but it was too quick. It was gross and scary and we did not go in that lift again.

I drank a lot of vodka and champagne and then we started having shots because see: cheap drinks. We then retired to the local for last drinks, in the walk across the city I gave myself some wicked blisters from the heels I was wearing. But, you know, vodka heals a lot so I drank some more before getting in a cab and making the cab driver go through McDonalds drive thru. The quarter pounder never tasted so good.

Celibacy update: Getting a wee bit harder now, actually I don’t even know when I started. Let me check.

Jesus I only started 2 weeks ago, this is not going to end well. Well, it’d end well for me but not for the poor man.

Oh! I forgot the news. Beth totally made me a bridesmaid. K and I and Beth’s sister are all bridesmaids. I am ridiculously excited especially after she reassured us that the dresses would be black cocktail dresses and hair also suitable restrained. We also warned her that as a bride she gets ONE DAY to be a total bridezilla and since her wedding is a year away if she tries to pull that crap we will revolt.

So, terms and conditions have been accepted on both sides and everyone is happy.

Except DJ who had to spend the day after the drinks at a bridal expo. Sucked in groom.

Ergh.

I am a wee bit stressed at the moment. I know this because I’m cleaning when I get home from work (this is not usual, I tidy up before I go to bed at night and clean the kitchen but normally I don’t dust and polish stuff when I could be watching crime documentaries). Cleaning is what I do when I’m stressed or upset about something. But the thing that’s making it worse? I’m having trouble sleeping.

Everybody who knows me in real life knows that sleep and I are on the best of terms. Eating, sleeping and sex – 3 of my favourite things and not necessarily in that order. So getting to sleep at midnight when I’d usually be in bed at 9:00, all the while still getting up at 5:00 a.m. means I am tired. And cranky and I have an eye twitch.

The celibacy thing blows. Mark is back from his holiday and has sent me a Facebook message. I’m ignoring it for now as I’m not yet in the no sex “Zen” zone or where I’d prefer an early night that getting naked with someone. So need to keep my distance from that or I could hurt him.

I also found out that since Beth is so close with my family she’d like to invite both of my parents to her wedding. Which is absolutely lovely and I know Mum and Dad would be absolutely overjoyed at the idea.

Except that Mum and Dad are divorced and aren’t really on the best terms. In fact I think the last time they saw each other I was in high school. Maybe primary school I can’t remember exactly since it’s been so long. And the idea of them being in the same room, let alone at the same table is kind of stressing me out. Even though Beth and DJ aren’t planning on having their wedding until early next year.

Anyway this weekend we’re having celebration drinks for the kids engagement. We’re going back to where they met……drunk at a dive city bar – It’s a beautiful story and we plan to commemorate it.

Anyway I’ve had enough for today so I’m going to have an early mark and go buy me a pair of new shoes.

Hope you’re all well.

1. I’m wearing red nail polish at the moment and I feel a bit whorish.

I know wearing red nailpolish does not make me a whore, but I’m used to french polish. Anyway, yes, nails=easy.

2. We have Australia Day here on Tuesday so I’m taking Monday off and taking a lovely 4 day weekend. Did I just have 2.5 weeks off over the Christmas break? Why yes, yes I did. Am I still sick from this bronchitis 2 weeks after first getting it? Why yes, yes I am. So I’m taking 4 days off because I can.

3. I received one of the rudest work emails I think I ever have in my career earlier this week. I won’t get into too many details but one of my favourite parts is when he opens with -

“Lucy, Excuse me, but LISTEN!!! ” 

And proceeds to tell me I am useless because I do not understand that HE. IS. RIGHT AND. I. AM. NOT. But my favourite is when he ends it with “Kind Regards”. Because when you’re tearing someone a new arsehole one mustn’t forget their manners. 

I waited a couple of days before responding because the only replies I could think of centred around telling him to fuck himself. And while my work can be frustrating sometimes I love my job. The worse part is when I escalated it to our big boss he asked me to take a look at the problem, so I had to help him rather than just deleting and moving on. So I wrote him a polite response that included my favourite -

“I understand your frustration with this situation xxx and we will do our best to look into this for you, however the tone of your email was unacceptable and against the [company name] values and behaviour of Respect.”

He’s a manager so to be reminded that he was going against company policy wasn’t good apaprently. It was nice to come in this morning to an apology. Knob.

4. Celibacy update: Because Mark has been overseas since before Christmas I realised that technically I could wipe 4 weeks off my 3 month count. But, I am dedicated to the cause (I don’t know what the cause is, but there’s a cause) so I’m not counting it.

Until I’m 4 weeks until the end and desperately need to make out with someone and I may just use those 4 weeks as my get out of jail free card.

5. I am tired. It’s been my first full week back at work since before Xmas. Damn you holidays for making me soft.

6. And the news that I got early this morning from Beth and DJ, those crazy kids are overseas at the moment and they got engaged last night. My little chicken is getting married, it is fucking insane and she is already freaking out (she does not particularly like commitment, and no, don’t ask why she’s getting married then.) Can’t wait until they’re home so we can celebrate.

And seriously if I do not get made bridesmaid in this wedding, since I’ve never been one, I will totally cut Beth.

While I’m still coughing like a 90 year old smoker I’m finally feeling better after last week’s black lung epidemic. This is good as while I still sound dodgy I feel much better and can finally sleep through the night.

Next stop cutting back on smoking. I’m not going to quit, quitting is for losers. Plus I’m not ready, so cutting back is a good alternative.

I’ve also decided on another sabbatical. It’s not the good kind of sabbatical though, as I’ll be on a sabbatical from any type of low down action. I’m doing a 3 month celibacy run again, I quite enjoyed the one I did a couple of years ago. Well, enjoyed is not the right word but I met a lot of really awesome new boys and did not sleep with the old boy/s once. This was a win in my book.

Even if (and I can’t believe I’m putting this in writing) my celebrations at the end of the 3 month period last time involved sleeping with 2 boys in one week and then realising with horror that my period was late.

For a good few days I had a skanky Jerry Springer/Maury Povich style freak out that if I was actually pregnant I wouldn’t know who the father was, and one of the boys was a gorgeous Canadian backpacker who left the country the next day, aaannnd I couldn’t remember his first name.

 So, maybe the celebrations will be a little more low key this time.

 But yes, no sex. No boy action at all. For 3 months.

 Trust me, it’s a good exercise for me as I tend to keep boys around long past their use-by date and before you know it you realise that you still see the boy you lost your virginity to regularly and you’re still having sleepovers with a boy you broke up with 5 years ago.

 Jesus.

 Anyway, I was going to do a normal update (hung out with Dad this weekend, went and saw Avatar in 3D and just ended up getting motion sickness, found out I apparently talk in my sleep) but you got a Lucy is a whore update instead.

Awesome!

Dudes, this will be a quick update but I just wanted to say hello, and that I am finally back with proper internet access that involves using a screen bigger than my itty bitty Blackberry.

I had over 2 weeks off work and the holidays were just perfect; relaxing but I did enough stuff to feel like I didn’t slob on the lounge for a fortnight. Unfortunately on the night before I was due back at work I started to feel not so great, and 3 sick days later, a metric tonne of used tisssues/nose and throat remedies I’m finally starting to feel better after a sweet dose of bronchitis (acute!) and the flu.

Although seriously, the stuff that is currently blocking my sinus/head space and lungs up is fucking foul and making breathing hard. So fuck you snot!

 But yes, I am back, I scored well in Christmas presents (Beth bought me real diamond earrings – weee!) we only one arrest during our family Christmas’ (I wish I joking) and I had a great holiday but now I’m back at work and snotty and yeah, proper update Monday kids.

I hope you all had great holidays, I missed you.

Man, being this close to holidays, and having so much work to do that it makes me cry, is cruel and unusual punishment. Mel is away, Adam is off gallavanting around Australia doing…..work, of some kind, and I am stuck at work.

To make myself feel better I’ve bought 3 dresses, all possibilities to wear on Christmas Day. The possiblity of me not wearing any of them is quite high but still, a girl likes her options.

I mean I’ve also finished my Christmas shopping (except for Beth’s) and I’ve organised for a cat minder/babysitter person to come in each day to feed and play with Poppy while I’m away, and I’ve done other stuff that warranted rewarding myself with dresses. Uh, nothing comes to mind but I’ve done loads.

I have all sorts of rants floating around my head, including Beth now being unemployed since our good old premier was unceremoniously shafted, and our stupid bloody federal government implementing the biggest and lamest firewall to the Australian innernet the world has ever seen. But I’m tired now, so let’s just assume I do not like either of the above. At all, although Beth is taking a couple of months off and I am so jealous that deep inside I hate her a little. That’s a lie, a lot.

My mum flies in this weekend and dad is floating around the state somewhere, so that’s nice to have the family in the same state. But the step-mother has come over with Dad for Christmas so it will be interesting to see whether she ruins Christmas this year like Mum’s partner at the time did. (Ex-Hells Angel dude, he really made an impression at the Christmas lunch a couple of years ago.) The step-mother talks. A lot. So we’ll have to get used to that again.

So overall work is still busy, but each day I get closer to 2 weeks holiday which is an awesome thing. Plus I just realised I can hang out with Beth for it too, score!

Man, things got busy there for a while. Work has been pretty gross busy, and it’s only going to get worse since Mel is away on holidays for nearly a month, lucky wench.

Things have been good, I am doing this awesome project at work which is letting me do the things I really enjoy doing, i.e. rolling out kick arse new technology that people will love. It’s tiring and I’ll be happy when it goes live but all up pretty good.

It’s the staff Christmas party tonight and there is no way in hell I’m going. I like the people I work with, I have good relationships with them and I see no need to have enforced socialisation. Plus it had a bollywood theme and you all know my thoughts on themed parties.

I was chatting with Mel today and found out she doesn’t use site stats on her website, so you can see her handbags and stuff here. Expensive, but beautiful. 

We had our performance appraisals this week at work, and surprisingly we both did well. Which is awesome as I’m always convinced someone is going to call me into their office, sit me down and say, “Look, we know you have no idea what you’re doing so we’re going to need you to leave now, okay?” So it’s nice to get good feedback that says I’m doing okay, and they’ll keep me on for a little while longer.

I’m half way through my Christmas shopping.  I also downloaded a bunch of recipes to make rum balls and shortbread and stuff so when I go visit the separate relatives I at least have something I can bring. FYI: I only need 45ml’s of rum for the rum ball, I think I may try and get sloshed on rum and see if I feel pirate-y.

I did also buy my christmas wrapping paper, I don’t like a lame themed paper so went with this. Sure, I spent nearly $50.00 on wrapping paper, and sure I don’t really need 60 metres of it. But I bought chocolate and cream coloured ribbon and it’s going to look fucking delicious, if not very festive.

The non-Mark state is going well. I’m going out a bit more, and by going out I mean once a week which watch out! It’s surprising how slight the relationship with him is, and yet when you take it away you realise how much back up it provided. I mean, it removes any effort required if you want to go make out with a boy, or to have spoon and that’s annoying when it’s taken away because I am lazy. Eh, I have a lady date this Saturday night where I’ll put on mascara, red lips and a frock and I’ll try not to be lazy.

Unlikely, but I’ll try.

1 x success, 1 x failure this weekend.

Success?

Gave Poppy a bath and we’re both still standing with no bloodshed and not one scratch mark. I gave up on the shower idea after I realised I would get wet. So she went into the laundry sink. Did she like it? Hell no. Did she cling to the tap like her life depended on it? Yup. Did she look like a drowned rat afterwards? Yeah, my poor little wet rat. Is she clean and flea free? Clean definitely, hopefully flea free.

I won’t be in a hurry to do it again, but I’m glad it was as terrible as I thought it would be.

The failure relates purely to my digestive system after my beer and ribs night on Saturday. I enjoyed myself immensely, I forget how nice it is being on Sydney harbour in the summer time. Lovely. So I was talked into getting a full rack of ribs, and it was dee-licious. Combined with the beer though, and then the cider afterwards and let’s say I don’t think my insides are happy with me at all. Like, at all.

Speaking of immense amounts of trouble I just found out there’s a doughnut store opening essentially a block away from my apartment. I do not need a doughnut store near me, especially one that is next door to my grocery store and is literally a 2 minute walk from my house. I may as well just buy a muumuu and throw away my cross trainer. Give me strength.

I just found out what we’re doing for New Years, which awesomely involves renting a beach house for a week in Palm Beach, a.k.a. the beach of Home & Away. What this means is that at some point after I drink too much sangria or other dodgy punch type drink I mix up, I will be recreating scenes from H&A, including but not limited to Michael dying and Pippa trying to save him, Bobby dying and (forget his name) trying to save her, and also some Alf action yelling at kids. It’s going to be AWESOME. 

Man, it’s been a bit of a week of boys behaving badly and I have no idea where or why.

Awesome girls going through shitty breakups or putting up with douchebag boy behaviour. It’s strange, I’m just quite glad I’m single at times like this.

Today I had to manually enter details of a telephone bill that has 500 numbers on it and a hard copy bill of over 1600 pages into excel. Do you know how long it took before I had an absolute meltdown and refused to do anymore? 3 hours, 917 pages and 238 mobiles. FML.

Bloody large Australian telecommunications company starting with the letter T, with their stupid bloody online billing system not working.

Let’s be honest though if my company will pay for 3 hours of my day spent doing data entry and listening to music, I am down with it. Even if I did get RSI.

My boy scene is officially dead. I have a married man who wants to make out with me and doesn’t seem concerned by him having a wife. I have Mark who has done himself an injury and needs a complete knee reconstruction and will be out of action for 2+ months. I have an old boy, who I absolutely adored, that I just found on Facebook and I’m thinking sending a friend request would be a bad idea, right? Bearded Boy is officially a friend, which I’m fine with as he is a complete and utter grumpy rude shit at work. DJ and Bearded Boy get on really well so he’s becoming a part of our group of friends, but seriously so stressed and rude at work that we barely talk in business hours. Then outside of work? Peachy keen. Stupid boys.

Since Mark has become useless to me (in the nicest possible way of course) I think that means I need to…..go out and meet people.

Jesus.

Maybe I should just work on bumping into that nice man who just moved into my apartment building. Relationship without the effort!

I just hate the dating and meeting part. I mean, why don’t I just wear a scorecard with my mobile number on it on my t-shirt, surely that would be easier than the rejection and effort, and dates and blah. God, just send me nice single bearded men!

Anyway, it’s Friday afternoon. I was supposed to be having breakfast with Adam tomorrow, but he made other plans But I have a beer and rib date with Beth Saturday afternoon which will be delightful. And be delightful I mean eating half a cow and drinking a keg of beer in a ladylike manner….

I got bored of my old theme and updated. It’s simple but I like it. (And if you do not like it and leave a comment saying so I will totally cut you.) (I’m scared of knives but I give a wicked chinese burn.)

Amazingly when I updated the template I didn’t delete my blog entirely/send out the address to everyone in my company directory/break the internet. And yes, these things are possibilities when I attempt to use my mad skillz to do coding.

Yesterday I had a good day, and today is also going well. So that’s two decent days in a row where I don’t fear for a mental breakdown. This is a good thing. Hopefully it was just a bad few weeks and things are a-okay.

Plus this weekend I’m catching up with Adam for breakfast, and then Beth and DJ for afternoon beers and ribs. Beer and ribs on a sunny Sydney day is heaven. Especially when I can do it wearing a maxi dress. That has no defined waist line.

That’s right ladies and gentleman, it IS crazy that I’m single.

I’ve discovered that Poppy has fleas. How in earth she got these considering she hasn’t played, with let alone been near another cat in 6 months, or been outside (actually that just sounds awful) and yet still has them?

This means……….bath time. I’m scared. I’m a firm believer that cats, like vagina’s, are self cleaning (single handed most disgusting yet true thing I’ve ever said) so I’ve never bathed any of my pet cats before. Plus, George was feisty, and Lily would probably have let me bath her but then smothered me in my sleep later, so I’ve just never been game.

But Poppy? Although I think I’d end up looking like this guy I think they’d just be surface wounds.

As an aside, seriously, click through on the link above especially if you don’t live in Australia. I fucking love a country where one of the emblems on the coat of arms (a kangaroo and an emu) tries to kill both a pet dog and its owner. And the dude who gets mauled (and has some wicked scratch marks) just says, “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to watch Skippy quite the same.”

It’s like shark attack victims in Australia, theytypically are these laidback surfers and will blithely mention that they just smacked it in the face as it was trying to take off their leg until it stopped. And that they plan to get back in the water tomorrow.

I know it’s not all Australians, but the stereotypes of Australia and its inhabitants do exist and I bloody love them for it.

Anyway, apparently it’s “Leave Work on Time” day today (as well as White Ribbon Day -  good cause) so since I start at 7 this means that my home time should be oooh, an hour ago. So I might head home at 4 and have an early mark.

Ps : I want to do a lot of my Christmas shopping online, specifically etsy.com and madeit.com.au. Please let me know if you have any favourite stores or items that you love on there that I could use for inspiration?