*Caution: This post contains the word vagina a lot. You’ve been warned*

I really shouldn’t read books that make me outraged or make me think. Because an annoyed Lucy is a very funny thing to see, what with the snap judgements, intense bursts of rage at inconsistent morality and just general ranting at stuff.

Which is how I come to have a Penthouse magazine in my bag that I made Adam buy during our afternoon coffee break at work today.

See, I’ve been reading this book on sex and censorship, mainly to do with the Australian regulators of adult media and what we can see, and what they can show.

I fully support guidelines for ‘offensive’ material. Just because I don’t mind watching porn, or viewing gory action or horror movies, or hearing swearing in TV shows doesn’t mean that everyone else does. And I think there should be a time and a place for the above violence, swearing, sex stuff in what people see and do in everyday life.

But the thing I find weird is the regulations regarding adult magazines.

Did you know that if they show (crap, I’m going to use the word vagina here okay, I’ve gone all shy and I can’t use anything more colloquial than that without blushing) vaginas they airbrush everything out. And by everything I mean anything that protrudes, which unless you’re Barbie and just have a hump it bears no resemblance to a real life girls bits.

My issue with this is not just that there’s no airbrushing required for men (I mean can you imagine if they airbrushed testicles out – I’m sorry but that really weirds me out for some reason.)

But that there’s thousands of boys who buy girly magazines as their first exposure to what a naked girl looks like and they’re not seeing what a real vagina looks like. What happens they first time they get naked with a girl. I’m sorry but if that was me I would freak the fuck out.

I mean it would be the same if they airbrushed nipples out, that’s really weird. And considering that girly magazines are bought be people who are fully aware of the content it makes no sense to me.

So yeah, tonight’s activity is looking at a girly mag to see how realistic vagina’s in magazines look like.

Ummm….. So how’s things in your world?

Someone called me uncool yesterday and was surprised when I agreed.

I’d dearly love to be some awesome dirty hipster, but alas I am a nerd.

I buy cardigans from Katies, and I love buying jeans from Target. I buy ballet flats that look like they belong on a middle aged Asian woman, I spend an unhealthy amount of time watching true crime television shows, Ii snort when I laugh sometimes, I have hair that is neither cool nor style-able unless I spend hours getting it straight and then avoid wind, rain and moving for the rest of day,  I think the majority of trend fashion clothes are fucking horrendous (neon colours, really? The 80’s called and wants its clothes back), my music tastes have not progressed past the late 90’s and I think anyone who covers Beatles songs should be shot (no, really.) I think Ali G is much funnier than Borat, I think sleeping on flannelette sheets is the absolute shit, apparently I hum to myself at work if I’m in a good mood, I’m not into one night stands, I love my job and the work I do, I think designer clothes are beautiful but unattainable, I obsess over little things like Stella’s eyebrows (now that’s a cool girl) and I think that being cool takes far too much effort and I am far too lazy for that stuff.

Week Two – The second week is infinitely easier than the first in a lot of ways – most of the nicotine is out of my body, there’s new routines now that don’t involve smoking and it’s becoming a new habit to not smoke. But it appears that my body is still seeing this no cigarettes thing as a temporary ban and is still waiting for me to go, “okay, we’ve done it for two weeks, good work, back to smoking then!”

Still a work in progress, obviously.

Man, even my stomach is not into this Lite n Easy healthy eating thing I’ve been doing. Turns out my delicate little stomach (ha!) is revolting against all of the fruit I’ve been eating lately, it could be acidic apples or it could just be my body staging a protest about the lack of nicotine and saturated fat I’ve been depriving it of lately.

Go team daily 1200 calories!

I’ve been cat sitting Lily again after Dad has taken his umpteenth trip to WA. She’s been quite nice this time, she waits for me on the sandstone gate fence post thingys’, like a horrendously fluffy and evil gargoyle. She also follows me to the station in the morning unless I bribe her with food and then run. She still growls every time George comes near her, but as George is now like a teenager I think she’s just keeping him line and preventing him from thinking any funny business is going to happen.

Although their kittens would be beautiful.

Today I am going home early, due to a pretty  heavy work load the last fortnight has been a blur of nicotine withdrawals and 12 hour days. The keeping busy has been great and the second week of quitting has been so much smoother than the first.

I did some calculations of how much I’ve spent on cigarettes in the last 8 years of smoking.

$20,000.

That is an insane amount to spend on anything let alone cigarettes. Although I don’t regret smoking, wow if there was some kind of rebate once you quit smoking I would be totally for that. Especially considering the huge ratio of tax that the cost of a packet is made up of.

Anyway, I’m kinda tired so I’m going to head off. I get to read a 50 page strategy document on the train.

You want to be me don’t you?

Man, this week has been a very very long week. Earlier this week I was complaining to the admin girl that I needed a holiday and asked when I last went on holidays. Apparently I got back from one (Kalgoorlie) less than a week ago so I’ve got a while to go until the next one. I’m not even sure where I’ll go but it’s going to be lazy and sunny and lovely….

This weekend I am doing as little as possible, I have to avoid nicotine so therefore I’ve got to avoid pubs, people, alcohol, my family and half my friends. So that leaves me, my TV and George.

Did I tell you that the night I got back from the holiday that George slept on top of me and wouldn’t move all night?

Awww.

Things have been busy this week, between working a 60 hour week and doing lame ‘activities’ each night to keep busy I am bloody exhausted.

My admin girl and I have been stalking all of our suppliers and support guys on Facebook, to our tremendous surprise one of our favourite people who we speak to daily is gorgeous. So now we know what he looks like we’re kinda uncomfortable between our usual teasing of him, which we did with the idea that he was goofy looking, but now he’s cute it’s slightly awkward. The things I do to keep myself busy…..

I ordered a new watch Wednesday and it came yesterday, it’s this one - the boys get the most beautiful watches and I like a big chunky one so this is my new watch and my 1 week reward. Go team Lucy!

The ex and I traded a couple of e-mails and I don’t see any meet up’s happening soon. The LongHairedTattooedBoy is back from overseas, but unless he bought me back red Twizzlers I don’t want to hear from him (I’m only half kidding unfortunately.)

I should stay back at work tonight but I just could not be bothered.

Day 5 – Today I’ve kept forgetting that I’ve quit, so I think “oh, must be time for a cigarette.” Before realising all over again that I never get to smoke ever again. I wouldn’t have thought that such a disgusting habit would cause me to grieve when I gave it up. But yes, I’m in the sad stage of quitting and realising that the no cigarette thing is not a novelty and I really mean it.

You know what’s surprised me most though this week? How nice and supportive people have been, I mean really. With their nice comments and their barracking and encouragement. Adam has been an absolute godsend and I’m not sure I would’ve got through this week without him, and writing here daily and having you guys comment and tell me you’ve done and how you’ve done it has just been the best and I really really appreciate every one of you who has taken the time.

I don’t know why I’m surprised when people are so nice, but you are and I thank you muchly.

Day Four - It appears like nearly a decade’s worth of nicotine and tar is making its way to my brain as I am feeling pretty rough today.

My head hurts, my neck aches, I have a fever and I believe I’m getting sick. I figure if it means that my lungs are clearing up and all of the nicotine is getting out of my system then it’s a good thing, but nearly retching in meetings is not a great look.

I forgot to take my patch off last night before I went to bed and woke up at 2 a.m. from an amazingly vivid dream (which obviously included me smoking because patch dreams you are ironic.) So I had to rip off the patch to get some normal sleep.

I did notice George has been more restless this week, I thought maybe he was picking up on me being a bit um, highly strung. But what if the passive smoke he’s been inhaling has caused him to also be in withdrawals. Poor George, I am a terrible cat mother.

Last night I couldn’t handle any more diet food and no cigarettes so I made comfort food, pasta, and it was delicious in a carb coma cheesy and meaty way.

I also went back on the pill today because even though the contraceptive element to the pill is useless to me at the moment, the structure of it and the warning of when I’m due? Can’t do without it anymore.

Anyway, tonight’s activity to keep me busy is filing and getting all of my finances in order (fun, F.U.N. fun!)

I know, you want my life don’t you?

Day Three - It sucks, cravings are bad today. Having a busy day at work and e-mailed the ex-boyfriend. Good times!

Going home early now as I cannot take another 12 hour day at work.

The end.

So, yesterday was obviously a bit of a fragile day.

So what better day than to hear from the ex! I’ve spoken before about the radars ex boyfriends and girlfriends have for knowing when you’re smidges away from being completely over them before popping back into your life, “just to say hi.”

I’m torn. I know what would be the smartest thing to do, which would be to delete the message and forget I ever received it. Will I do that? Not sure. All I know is I’m sitting on it for a week before I do anything.

Day Two – Last night was far, far easier than it was last time, I quit for 6 months about 2 years ago and last time I’d almost tear apart my house looking for a stray cigarette that may be there. I’d never find anything but I’d do the same thing the next night, looking in the same places as I’d searched the night before.

Last night I worked til 7 p.m. , wasn’t home til 8 p.m., cleared out all of my clothes I didn’t want any more, had dinner and went to bed. Next to no cravings. I am awesome!

Today I’ve had a whole bunch of photos printed off and will frame or chuck them into albums tonight. I figure if I’m busy it won’t bother me.

I also forgot that patches tend to give me a dead arm on the arm I’m wearing them, and that they tend to put me in a great mood. I’ve been in a great mood all day.

Very very odd, but feels different to last time. Good.

So, I quit smoking today.

At the moment I have 3 goals – make it through the first day (half way there), make it through the first week (such a long bloody way away at the moment) and the first month. Once I’ve hit the third goal I reassess and push for further goals.

When I make it to the first month nicotine free I’m buying myself something lovely to celebrate. At the moment it’s either Chanel ballet flats (weeeee!) or a seriously beautiful watch.

The weekend was nice, Saturday I got waxed (fun!) and because my beautician is lovely and I was standing there trying not to take my pants off whining because it was so damned cold she got me a hot water bottle and rugged me up, so I only needed to expose what was needed.

Saturday I had lunch with Bec, she’s getting married in November and Dad and my sister are going which is awesome as I know it wasn’t easy to squeeze in an extra 2 people into a small wedding. But we’ve all known her and her family since she was a baby (in fact I broke her leg when we were 5 – accidentally, I promise.)

Saturday night was drinking/bowling/karaoke AT THE SAME TIME. It was the shit. We made our cab driver go through drive through at McDonald’s and I fell asleep on the lounge at 3 a.m. with a half eaten quarter pounder in my hand.

I am nothing but a lady.

Sunday I woke up at midday with the shakes. Since it was the last day of smoking I essentially smoked my hangover away, took a nap and the end.

Day 1 Update - I’m seriously twitchy and cannot stop my leg shaking. I forgot to buy patches yesterday as I was horrendously hungover and could barely move off my lounge so I shook and twitched until 9 a.m. when the chemist opened. I forgot that patches give me a dead arm. Two work colleagues who I used to smoke with are being complete twats and I’m regretful for all of the “No one likes a quitter” comments I dropped to people who were quitting previously.

Beth has also given up and I’m hoping and praying that she makes it through as well, an ally with this is a good thing to have.

I’m also on day one of my healthy eating and exercise regiment, because apparently I don’t like myself very much with the quitting and dieting on the same day.

So far so good.

So, turns out inland Western Australian is pretty much a desert, with a lot of pubs, red dust, miners and uh…..that’s about it really.

As I’m still finding it hard to find ways to describe the trip (I kinda just say it takes a special type of person who wants to live in Kalgoorlie and then I’ve got nothing more to say) so I thought I’d do a bit of a picture post. Easy! And lazy!

So we fly out on a 6 a.m. flight. This means getting out of bed at 4 a.m. and it was not a happy bunch when we met at the airport. Combining this with a 6 hour flight to Perth (when it usually takes between 4-5 hours) and then a seriously turbulent flight to Kalgoorlie (in a far smaller plan than I thought, I’d refused to get on a plan that’s smaller than a 737. So they just didn’t tell me until we were in the air already. My friends are assholes) we were not particularly cheery. Then it was freezing. But then when we landed and walked into the airport and noticed there were men everywhere (emphasis – EVERYWHERE – 7 men for every female) and then we had some beer and pretty much didn’t stop drinking until we left 5 days later.

Okay, so this is pretty much where we were. In the middle of nowhere, freezing at night, red dirt everywhere and not a sight of green (bush scrub does not count)

This is the main road in town. Mum tried to keep telling us it was a city.

It ain’t a city.

This is what we were there for, Mum’s 50th birthday. Seriously cute (yet expensive) cake. Later in the week when I was hungover, and depressed about Mum calling me fat (thanks Ma!) I ate a piece of this cake, put a boost bar on top of it and put it in the microwave for a minute.

It was seriously the best thing I’ve ever eaten.

This is seriously one of my favourite photos of the trip. It’s me and my sister, and I promise you that we’re not drunk, seriously. I don’t know what caused this photo or these faces, but hands down favourite photo.

Why? Who knows.

Well, it will be my second favourite when I track down the ones of me wearing a horses head. They’re super awesome.

This is the biggest mine i have ever ever seen and it’s the same size as the town and brings in most of th emoney to the town. Those wee yellow trucks you can see? Are those massive mining trucks. See below for the size of their tyres.

See! Massive tyres! I am also trying to kill Beth’s boyfriend here. He was awesome to have on this trip though and I think I was only trying to bruise him here rather than causing serious pain.

Because what does a mining site need more of?

Correct! Sequinned cardigans!

And also lame thumbs up photos!

Aaaannnd more desert.

Fin.

That’s where she is folks, and it’s all pretty much down hill for her from here on out….

Things you might (or might not) want to know:

1. I was privelliged to join Lucy when she purchased a maxi dress for her monumentous trip (men, I have no idea what this is, however, keep reading).  Importantly, when worn, ‘the girls’ have decided to escape the boundaries of bra and bodello and expose themselves in ways that would make miner boys lose their mind.

2. Unfortunately for the men, I doubt she will be posting a photo.  For the ladies, I’m sure you understand the predicament….

3. Lucy’s mum is a unique figure in the world, therefore I believe right now she will be dragging her daughter (and her daughters friends) to every strip joint, topless bar, rough hangout, bikie gang clubhouse and shady dealing premises you can imagine.

4. You can be assured that Lucy will be delighted with these activities.

5. Drinking on schoolnights is a requirement when you’re in a mining town.  Drinking in the middle of the day is a requirement when you’re in a mining town.  I believe Lucy is succeeding at meeting her drinking quota for both occasions.

6. And finally, Lucy is probably going to regret the fact that I was the one who set up her account and still have the admin password

Adam